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Betrayed Womenz Thread - Part 3

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northeasternarea posted 2/18/2020 09:13 AM

WHís APís birthday is the day after Valentineís Day. Much more appropriate, National Sidepiece Day.

TX1995 posted 2/20/2020 15:34 PM

NEA - Is that a for real holiday? National Side Piece Day? That's amazing. I should have sent the whore a card.

Checking in on all of you ladiez.

GMC? How are you?

Chaos? Healing ok?

Coco, I read that WH is OOT (I think.) I'm sure it's a nice break when he's gone. Have you started the transcription job yet?

I'm muddling through. Been a really triggery week. WH got tasked to be on a two man team for a church thing - with a woman I don't know. Triggered the crap out of me. He didn't anticipate it would, which then pissed me off. Then he did me a favor and volunteered for a job I was supposed to do - that ended up being with a woman that I didn't know. The thing that drives me crazy, is that pre-A I would give two shits about him being with women. I thought he loved and adored only me. Now I know that isn't true. And even though he's not doing anything wrong, I get all crazy and go into these dark spirals and have such a hard time getting out. I cried almost all day yesterday and barely moved. What a time and life waster! Totally pisses me off.

likeapinball posted 2/20/2020 16:19 PM

Hello Womenz! What is it about AP's having birthdays in February??? Although, the skank in my sitch in near the end - but still....

Been away for a bit, just catching up. Have to admit, read the AP birthday stuff and went looking at the skank's FB. Why oh why??? Ugh. I'd love to send her a few cards! Probably cost me a fortune in stamps.

gmc - so sorry you're having to deal with addiction in your DD, can't even imagine. My Mom had to do the "tough love" approach back in the day with my brother. He eventually got his shit together (in that regard) but man it was a long, tough road for us.

Just wanted to pop in and say "hi"! Hugs to all!

TX1995 posted 2/20/2020 16:43 PM

Hi there pinball!

I still think we should do a strangers on a train thing. Except no murder. But poop. Or letters.

I'd love to send OW a letter that "comes" from a guy that she's had questionable behavior with at conferences in the past - and make her look like she's having an A with him. But that would be mean to her BS. Or I'd love to out her to everyone. She gets praised for her "ethics" and puts "family first" on everything she does. So did fucking my husband not come first when her two kids were home with the nanny?

Ugh. I'm in a state y'all. So full of anger. I think I need to get myself to the gym and get out some anger....

Oh and my AP didn't have a Feb bday. Mid-March. And my WH bought her a cute little gag gift, ordered her cake for the office, and made sure during their fuckfest at the conference to tell waiters to celebrate her EVERY night. Even took a photo of her blowing out the candles at the work dinner and made it his picture for her on his phone. (Mind you MY number had no photo.) And he thinks no one that they worked with had a clue about the affair.... Give me a fucking break.

EllieKMAS posted 2/20/2020 16:50 PM

But poop. Or letters.
I'm down!

TX can you do a billboard? Set up a gofundme - I'll contribute

I was listening to music on the way in to work this morning and jammin out and it entered my head that the skanklet wasn't even born yet when this music came out. WTF. That little trollop better fuckin hope I never run into her. I cannot be held responsible for my actions if I do.

Tallgirl posted 2/20/2020 21:10 PM

My WH has the same birthday as his ex slut girlfriend. How is that for a reminder. So sweet.

I havenít not been angry in 2 years. Or felt at peace. Or felt relaxed.

My son told me last night that he doesnít know who he is anymore. Hasnít since his dads cheating came to light. Both my kids identified themselves with their dad. How does a kid get over it?

How can a father be so selfish as to chose to do this to his kids? I will never understand. When my kids talk like this I feel so so angry and I hate him for what he has done.

I am seriously thinking I am done. I think LTAs are unforgivable. Sometimes, I wish it was only for four months. Or six. Or nine. Because that would not be as painful. Maybe I could forgive him. But a decade.

I want what I always pictured with him. To be happy. To hold hands. To laugh together. To be special.

We have all paid an immeasurable price for our spouses selfishness. We deserve so much more.

Ladies. I want to say that you are all beautiful and you deserve to be cherished and loved. Donít no settle for less.

Tallgirl posted 2/24/2020 16:20 PM

Did I kill this thread?

EllieKMAS posted 2/24/2020 16:23 PM

Nah - would take more than anything one of us could say to kill a womenz thread

How you doin TG? Better(ish)?

Tallgirl posted 2/24/2020 19:57 PM

Yes thanks. I am starting to feel better. Wish I could get over this affair crap as easily. Cold and cough is only a few. weeks before you feel human again.

I was really grumpy tonight. My oldest asked what was wrong with me. I told him I was just angry. And I am.

It takes so much energy to be alone.

EllieKMAS posted 2/25/2020 09:55 AM

TG I got to the point in dealing with things where people would ask "What's wrong?" and I would just answer "Yes".

I'm sorry that alone is hard for you. I don't have any advice to offer for that part cus I am actually enjoying alone for the moment.

TX1995 posted 2/25/2020 15:30 PM

Ellie - Love.

TG - I hear you on the done part. Any and every kind of A is a dealbreaker. It just is. Unfortunately the people who were more invested in the marriage (us) are the ones who get screwed. And then it's up to US to make that final decision on what we are supposed to do with they mess the unfaithful shitheads we married left us with. I guess we have "control" but it's not any kind of control I ever wanted - and I *love* being in control. I wish things were better for you. Angry is fine. I do love my punching bag. It is great stress relief. Perhaps you can get a speed bag? Stress relief and toned arms? Win-win!

I'm a little bit perplexed, perhaps y'all can give insight. My new IC, is a CSAT specializes in infidelity. WH and I met with her once, I've seen her a few times since. I feel very supported and understood (she was a BS as well). However, my WH does not seem to like her. They kinda got off on the wrong foot bc he actually set up our first appt. They had a phone convo where he spent an hour giving her background, then when we met with her, she seemed like she didn't remember talking to him. When we left, she said she wanted us to do some assessments and then come up with a plan, but wanted to meet privately with me first, then privately with him. So I saw her after we did the assessments, and she recommended that he see a CSAT and gave me a name. When I passed along the info, WH was annoyed that she seemed to be changing course and didn't understand why he needed to change therapists (he has his own IC who is NOT a CSAT and they mainly just do some talk therapy about what is going on, no real goal). MY IC said that it would be best for his assessment to be seen by a CSAT of his own, and that they could come up with a plan for us. She (my IC) is really astounded that our old MC and neither of our ICs followed any protocols like disclosure, etc. (which is probably why WH was able to lie to all of us for so long about having sex with the whore).

Long story short, WH is willing to see that CSAT, but wants to know why the plan changed FROM my IC. I think he partially doesn't like her bc of the first meeting AND because in that first meeting she kinda treated him like everything he said was a lie. And I said that was probably because he has a history of being a liar and she works with liars all of the time. IC and WH have been playing phone tag for a couple of weeks now. She (my IC) has said some negative things about my WH to me ("If he says he'll do anything for you, why isn't he seeing the person I am recommending?) Well, I get that. But I also see why my WH is wary. This new IC I'm seeing is off insurance and $150 a session. That's a shit ton of money per month. THEN, he sees his IC on insurance for $45 a session. BUT, the CSAT that is being proposed is also off insurance at $150 a session. My WH is just not wanting to spend $1200/month when he doesn't have a very specific plan that has a goal. Again, I get it.

But it's causing me stress. I feel like WH hates my IC and my IC now thinks my WH is a narcissistic asshole. (She actually said that when I was telling her about a trigger and she acted like WH should have seen it coming for a mile and it was "disgusting" that he didn't know better - when it was never something I had discussed with him and honestly I don't expect him to make every connection and know all of my triggers. Yes, perhaps we should go over them preemptively, but he can't read my mind that reading his emails by his dresser in the closet could trigger me. I mean, he doesn't take his phone into the bathroom anymore because we discussed it. It's not like he won't stop something.)

Anyways, long story, but what do y'all think? I'm wondering what to do. I think she can help, but I also don't want every appointment to feel like I am defending WH. I know he's an asshole in many ways, but I also know that he is trying. I don't think he's a narcissist. I do think he was selfish and can still be very immature in his thinking about how his actions affect everyone around him. But in my sessions I don't want to defend my WH, I just want help finding ways not to get stuck in the shit. You know? I want to figure out if I can live with what he did. I want to focus on me. I did tell her that I wasn't going to babysit his therapy stuff but not sure if that will be possible...

Ugh. I so desperately want to go back to my old life. I will take being depressed and a husband who didn't listen to me over this shit. At least I had a full head of hair, massive amounts of self-esteem, joy of being with my friends, family and kids, and peace.

Fuck infidelity.

Hope all of you other ladiez are having a fabulous FUCKING Tuesday!!

[This message edited by TX1995 at 3:34 PM, February 25th (Tuesday)]

hopefullife posted 2/25/2020 23:19 PM

Hello ladies.

Haven't been in here but the moment I visit I read about APs birthdays in February.. weirdly enough mine is

Fuck infidelity indeed.

20yrsagoBS posted 2/26/2020 11:32 AM

Do any of you subscribe to Hope Now email newsletters?

Thereís a good video in todayís. Itís about when Cheater ďdoesnít rememberĒ. Hits so close to home.

20yrsagoBS posted 2/26/2020 11:35 AM

Also, Iím in NC for the week for work. Last night at my hotel, they had dinner catered in for guests. The only people who showed up was a gentleman and me!

The hotel gifted me a huge bottle of Chardonnay. The man offered to come to my room to ďenjoy it with meĒ Needless to say, I declined. But it triggered me. WS propositioned other women. How do you do that when youíre in a, supposedly, monogamous relationship?

20yrsagoBS posted 2/26/2020 11:39 AM

Tx1995? I think your WH has to be a narcissistic asshole to have cheated.

But, then again, mine sure is too!

((Hugs)) TX

TX1995 posted 2/27/2020 11:48 AM

hopeful - nice to see you! My son is February too, so incredible people are also born in February!

Do any of you subscribe to Hope Now email newsletters

I do, but I stopped reading them after listening to some of the stuff. Thats the AR stuff, right? I think that was the place I saw the timeline about everything being healed in a year. I'll check out that video you mentioned. Cheaters are all the same, aren't they?

Tx1995? I think your WH has to be a narcissistic asshole to have cheated.
Oh I agree. And I've told him the same. I don't however think he is CURRENTLY being a narcissistic asshole when he doesn't think through every situation and decide if I'll be triggered. Is that a skill he should be honing? YES! Even he agrees with that. But he's a fucking dumb ass cheating asshole, being thoughtful and empathetic obviously did not come naturally and he's learning.

I think I need a therapist about my therapist! I left therapy last week with my IC saying she'd call WH. My WH proactively texted three times and called once and left a vm. This morning, he told me he was pretty frustrated with her. I understand why. I then texted my IC and said that he could come with me to my appointment tomorrow. She texted back immediately that it was on her schedule to call him this afternoon. Then ensued ME being the intermediary between them about a good time. I finally asked her if she had his number (which I knew she did) and to text him. WH was pissed that she didn't return his text to set up a time to call even though she had a plan to do it at a specific time. (He actually was going to cancel a meeting to make her arbitrary time.) I totally get it. WH feels like he doesn't want me to be in the middle, I TOTALLY don't want to be in the middle and I'm not sure why SHE put me in the middle. I am giving her the benefit of the doubt, but she really isn't getting off on a good foot with WH and I need them to at least have basic respect for each other or this will never work.

Ugh. On the bright side, a friend asked me if I'd be willing to do some pro bono graphic design work for her non-profit, which is great for building my portfolio AND helps her and kids in our community. Win-win!

Hope you all have a fabulous FUCKING Thursday - I am READY for Friday!!

EllieKMAS posted 2/27/2020 13:22 PM

TX - shit like what your therapist pulled just irritates the crap outta me... ugh - I'm sorry!!

But awesome about your pro bono work

I am in accounting and I took over a process a couple months ago that this other girl had been doing and today I was able to use ma mad skillz to automate a huge chunk of it. I love Excel when it works like it's sposed to - it makes my OCD so happy!! Plus the other gal is a stuck up biznatch who looks down her nose at me cus she is an "accountant" and I'm not (nevermind the fact I am at least 10 years older than her and have at least that much more experience)... Soooo, why didn't YOU do this then ms fancypants? Oh yeah, cus you're fine doing it your stupid way "because that's how I was trained" (aside: I fucking hate that excuse in a work setting). Oy.

Yeah kinda on a tear - I am three weeks cigarette free today and the last couple days I've been kinda stabby...

Chaos I saw some leggings with donuts on them the other day and it made me think of you - how you doin??

20yrsagoBS posted 3/1/2020 20:21 PM

Congratulations Ellie!!!!!!!

I heard it takes three weeks to make a new habit!

Perhaps your new habit is being a non smoker?

You rock!

gmc94 posted 3/1/2020 22:44 PM

My WH and his POSOW both have Feb birthdays - about a week apart. Ugh.

Today was the 29th anniversary of the first physical encounter with WH. Been on my mind all day. Didn't want to talk to WH about it. I need to just delete it from my calendar. What difference does that make anymore? I am (?) was (?) a very nostalgic person, but after dday, it just seems to silly and painful. I don't like thinking about the past anymore. It feels too traumatic now.

Hey TX - how is it going? That scheduling thing seems off to me.... are there other CSATs in your area? My city has less than 10, but only 2 take insurance, so those are the two we are seeing. I'm not a huge fan of my CSAT's personality/style, so I see her about 2x a month and then a trauma IC the rest of the time (tho we are on a break bc of some insurance issues that she told me today should be cleared up this week). But, I do learn alot from her, so I kind of take that knowledge and put it into action with my trauma IC.

Tallgirl - thinking of you and hope you are surviving the shitshow. I agree that LTAs are a different beast.

Hey Coco - now that your WH is not taking the CA assignment, how are things?

Anyhow, thinking of the ladies on this lazy Sunday evening.

20yrsagoBS posted 3/2/2020 06:41 AM

gmc? I was thinking of ya last night too!

I spent a couple hours last night chatting with Cheaterís first attempt at cheating. This woman rebuffed him, and he lied about it for 25 years. Until SHE told ME the truth. She didnít want to fuck my husband. Hell, I donít want to either! I mean ICK!

Anyway, her husband cheated on her 9 years ago. She hasnít recovered from the betrayal. Last night she said she was repulsed that my WH portrayed her to be an OW. Especially now that sheís a BS.

It was cathartic. Pretty funny too! We had fun discussing PE, ED, and other annoying men things

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