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Did WS's consider this?

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Beachwalker posted 5/15/2019 19:33 PM

I’ve looked through the other forums and threads, but I don’t see where this question was asked outright:

When you were in your A/LTA/ONS, did it ever occur to you that you could pick up some STI or HIV?

When I ask my WW questions like this, I mostly hear that she wasn't thinking ahead at all, just what is in store for that moment.

Thanksgiving2016 posted 5/15/2019 19:45 PM

I'm not a wayward but I will tell you my WH excuse. He trusted her because they were high school sweethearts (she wouldn't lie ) and she was married-married women don't have diseases

Chaos posted 5/15/2019 20:00 PM

BS here and asked my WH that point blank. He didn’t consider it. And couldn’t figure out why I was so hell bent for leather to get tested. And similar to Thanksgiving2016 he never thought about it. They were faithful to each other and their spouses (I’ll pause while you laugh, gag and shake your head). Except...I learned from OBS that she wasn’t. Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!

maise posted 5/15/2019 20:06 PM

My WS said she didn’t think of it at all. She said she didn’t do much thinking, just feeling and reacting impulsively to “feel good”

pinkpggy posted 5/15/2019 20:21 PM

Yes. Before my affair turned sexual, we discussed having sex. As odd as that may sound we made a conscious decision to move forward, both acknowledged we were now in a full blown affair. We discussed using condoms, who would buy them and where they would be kept, we also discussed our sexual history and fear of STDs but both of us had only been with our partners the past 15+ years. I didn't have an affair based on crazy lust and just sex though.

[This message edited by pinkpggy at 8:22 PM, May 15th (Wednesday)]

Darkness Falls posted 5/15/2019 20:21 PM

Of’s a possibility in any sexual relationship.

Because I’d had a recent sexual history with him pre-A and had been tested before and after each sex partner I’ve ever had, I chose to err on the side of trust. But yes, of course I considered it, as I have with every partner.

cocoplus5nuts posted 5/15/2019 20:25 PM

My fch said he used a condom when they had intercourse. I doubt he used when she gave him a bj, though. So, I'd say ,kinda?

Northerngal posted 5/15/2019 20:40 PM

Coco that’s EXACTLY what my wh said and did. I was revolted on so many levels.

Marie2792 posted 5/15/2019 23:47 PM

My husband used condoms so figured he was safe. Despite the fact that OW2 gave him HPV which he passed to me. I had surgery to remove stage 3 cancer.

They don’t think at all.

PJswife posted 5/16/2019 00:54 AM

She was a nice girl he said, told me I would like her even. He never considered she was sleeping with anyone else. He just looked through me when I asked if he knew about her OM and did he think he was exposing me to all OW and her OM sex partners.

ramius posted 5/16/2019 01:00 AM

If it does not provide, or increase the "feels" they are looking for, then it does not get considered.

Innate selfishness does not lend itself to consideration. It's just Solipsism.

DailyStruggle611 posted 5/16/2019 01:48 AM

WH said he didn’t think about the possibility at all. He trusted that he was AP’s “one and only,” so he assumed she wasn’t sleeping around. She would profess her devotion to him repeatedly. Shallowly, he also thought that since she was really unattractive (he definitely affaired down), no one else would pay any attention to her (what did that say about him?).

WH ended up getting AP pregnant (she aborted it, allegedly) and giving me a STI. He should have realized that he shouldn’t have trusted a person who would cheat with him — after DDay #2, I found her social media accounts that made clear she had multiple boyfriends the whole time WH was sleeping with her. So who knows if her “baby” was even his. Guess she wasn’t that devoted to him.

Brennan87 posted 5/16/2019 05:54 AM

bS here, hope this helps.

My WEs story is a page out of spring valley jr. high.

Apparently protection was used once and only once. As the feeling is “muted” through a condom. He wanted to “feel” her.

He was gracious enough to purchase and dispose of it after.

They did discuss diseases and both took it on “trust” that the other was clean and safe. The look on her face when I said “um, your both liars and cheaters, why would you take each other’s word?” Was priceless.
As he pushed for unprotected (supposedly), he Romantically asked if she was “fixed” and she giddily said no, but my husband is. As the maturely talked about the risk of pregnancy, they both took it at face value when he said he was “too old” to produce any more kids. Away they went! Gag.

DIFM posted 5/16/2019 06:02 AM

My WW's logic was that since her AP was married he surely would not have been doing anything to contract an STD. Idiots, all.

Luna10 posted 5/16/2019 06:13 AM

She didn’t like condoms and said she was clean so he obviously believed her. She also has been divorced for 8 years and apparently my WH was only her third sexual partner. Sure. A single woman in her prime only slept with her husband, another guy and my WH by the age of 38 being single for 8 years. That’s why she had a coil too apparently, I mean she wasn’t sexually active but had a coil. Funny enough how since the A ended she’s on her second boyfriend so over a period of a year and a half she had another two sexual partners (unless a woman who gives BJs in car parks to a married man decided not to have sex ever again). So two sexual partners in a year and a half but only 2 over 8 years (although she wasn’t in a serious relationship since her divorce).

The level of trust is beyond any form of understanding. She said she was clean. She said she was on birth control. I did ask him how would he explain to our kids if she would have got pregnant. I asked him if he performed a gynaecological exam on her to check she actually had a coil.

amethyst0323 posted 5/16/2019 06:25 AM

My WH used condoms. I said what about oral sex and the risk of std. He never onsidered it. I think people are still incredibly stupid/naive/uneducated about stds

Breachoftrust posted 5/16/2019 06:55 AM

My WH still denies any sexual activity so I got myself tested anyway.

Thissucks5678 posted 5/16/2019 07:50 AM

My WH was embarrassingly ignorant to the way STDs can be transmitted. He had no idea about HPV at all. I was in the military and it was so heavily put into our heads that I was very cautious as a young woman pre WH. He says he used a condom - I’m sure that was more for pregnancy fears than anything.

annb posted 5/16/2019 07:52 AM

My WH didn't consider it at all.


JSS1227 posted 5/16/2019 08:49 AM

Of course not...I asked my WH on DDay if they used any protection throughout their 2 month PA, and he looked shocked as though the thought never even occurred to him. His “logic” was that it wasn’t needed for birth control because he’s had a vasectomy, and she was on bc, and they were both married, so they both must be only having sex with their spouses and each other, so they must be clean Between the two of them, WH and MOW have 4 advanced degrees, and yet they’re still that fucking stupid.

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