Married 19 years, together 24. 3 children. DD1 2/21/18. DD2 6/7/18 EA. BS 49, WH 50.
DD3 3/30/22 PA
Actions prove who someone is; words prove who someone wants to be.
Am I wasting my time?
Ok so, here goes.We went for a walk the other day. I mentioned a fun memory I had of him and the kids. He said something about not having a lot of memories with the kids. I asked what happy memories he has of me. He brought up a memory with the kids and again I asked about me. HE COULDN'T COME UP WITH ONE. 24 fucking years together and he couldn't find ONE memory.
He mumbled something about feeling like he had failed some test. OMG, does he not even care about me? Am I reading too much into this? I have said nothing for days about it. I thought, maybe I put him on the spot and he just couldn't think then. I figured if he had a chance to think about it then he would come to me to talk. Nope. Nothing.
13 comments posted: Friday, June 10th, 2022
How do I handle this?
My WH is going back to school. He starts in August at our local university. I am soooooo anxious, nervous and terrified. He will be surrounded by kids who could be our children and all I can think about is the opportunities he will have for cheating. I did the college thing when I was young. He didn't. So now it's his turn and I don't trust him. What can I do to stop my stupid mind from listing the endless possibilities. His affair started from conversations with another woman. College is ALL conversations. I keep thinking I should just save myself from another DDay and just leave now. Am I sabotaging myself? I don't know what to do anymore. I don't trust my own decisions.
7 comments posted: Wednesday, June 1st, 2022
Anyone else find it hilarious when your WH gets upset and complains about society lately? All the lies, gaslighting and double standards. He complains and I can only stare at him incredulously. Yeah, HOW could these people just lie to others faces? Why on Earth are you surprised? Can't believe there are others who do exactly what you did?
I just want to scream, you looked me in the eye and for 4 YEARS denied your PA.
11 comments posted: Wednesday, May 18th, 2022
New Information 4 years later
So last night I once again told him I didn't believe he had been honest with me. He finally confessed that it was actually a physical affair. He didn't use a condom and had sex with me afterwards. I can't believe he would put me in danger like that. He said he had resigned himself to never telling me the truth and never being forgiven. He said he didn't tell me because he didn't want to hurt me further. I said no, you were just covering your own ass. I said he has been actively lying to me these entire 4 years. I haven't even cried. Maybe I don't have any more tears for him. I don't even know what to do anymore.
27 comments posted: Friday, April 1st, 2022
We are 3 years out and still in limbo. I find myself angry with God. I get free will but I guess I feel that He could have spared me this. I specifically prayed for a man who would be faithful. I thought I had heard Him correctly and chosen wisely. Why would He allow me to be broken. I am completely broken. I understand my husband destroyed me but why did God allow it? I feel like I can't even trust God anymore.
17 comments posted: Wednesday, August 18th, 2021
I have (3 years later) come to the conclusion that my WH is never going to come completely clean about the affair and I will never believe anything he says for the rest of my life. So, are we reconciling or just existing in the same home? I'm almost 50, so starting over seems stupid. I guess what I am asking is if forgiveness is off the table is reconciliation possible?
13 comments posted: Tuesday, July 6th, 2021