SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Oh , ink. I am so happy for you ! As one of my first friends here I really appreciate your kind words to me and vulnerable updates.

I know you and your kids are going to love life.
Thank you for always sharing your journey here and the wisdom you always share with me

Awesome update, IH. Thank you for posting it. You've been through hell, and come so incredibly far. I'd dare say, you're not on the precipice of a new, great chapter of happiness; you've started it. It shines through in your words. You write like a man relieved of a very heavy burden. I'm happy for you, thankful your kids have you through the process. They got dealt a bad hand with an unfaithful mother for a model, but God saw fit to balance it by blessing them with a wise, faithful, able father. I'm thankful you've shared your journey with us.

Maybe the "Hulk" in you is showing a bit?

awhile back you posted:

And I feel like my religious training and my professional training kept me from seeing it. Love played a role, but I’ve lived by looking for the good in others, assuming it deeply. That’s another thing to look at in the rebuild.

Now!

I am doing really fucking well. My mind is clear. I’m eating well, working out, dropping some weight I picked up in this debacle. I’m sharp, I’m hopeful, I even dare to say I’m happy. I continue to work thru my trauma, new and old, with EMDR and will be setting a goal of establishing a secure attachment style. I’m nervous about what awaits me regarding the dating market, but that is a problem for another day (but one I think about enough to know I care about it).

You appear to have gained a firm footing on how to proceed - Glad to SEE!

Don't drop your guard - spurned people sometimes get mean.

Also - a good man entering the dating game - you will be surprised in a good way!

Best to you Ink

Congratulations IH, its never the outcome anyone visualizes for their life but you have busted your ass to Survive Infidelity and that is the whole goal. She chose her path and you chose yours, let me tell you will be so much better after the dust settles. She will live to regret her choices.

"Cowboy Take Me Away" by the Chicks (formerly of the Dixie persuasion) came on the radio.

I preferred "Goodbye Earl" which could be "Goodbye Earline" when needed.

My children are adults, and my relationship with them is closer now. They feel they can vent to me about their frustrations with the relationship with their dad, or the lack of relationship with their dad. He moved 9 hours away and has pretty much quit communicating with them - which they prefer.

We're building new traditions and still trying to get them set up 3 years after d-day. It's ok to take your time to determine which traditions you want. I buy Advent Calendars for everybody, which is something that I've carried over from pre-D.

Do what works for you.

As one of my first friends here

Something about that just touches me. So glad to have crossed your path, Groot, you have a beautiful soul that shines thru your words and the pain can’t begin to hide it.

Apologies. I have not read your entire history but wanted to make sure you read up on covert narcissists. My grandmother was one. These are not the screamers. They are quiet. Sometimes they are the "victim" in the couple/family. When my father died and we had the funeral she made a quiet spectacle of herself by "fainting". No one paid any more attention to my father after that except me. I totally ignored her because I hated her. The damage she did to my dad and his sister, without ever raising her voice, was unforgivable. A friend nearly had a stoke trying to please her mother. After the mother’s death my friend’s blood pressure came back down to normal. I could go on, but here is a good definition. They always are the center of attention and they always win. Good luck.

You write like a man relieved of a very heavy burden.

You perceive correctly, I do feel that way. And I even still wish that the burden would have been relieved differently, that she would have chosen honesty and vulnerability, love and goodness, that we were rebuilding rather than ending. But this is good, and much much better than false R or limbo. I think of you often, I know you are still carrying the burden. I hope for your good, friend, whatever path that might be. Just be strong and wise and good. Said another way, just be you.

Maybe the "Hulk" in you is showing a bit?

Perhaps

#littlelesswords
#alotmoreaction

Don't drop your guard - spurned people sometimes get mean.

Yeah, guard is good and up. I don’t trust her at all. I don’t trust her to make decisions on behalf of children’s good, I can only hope her selfishness helps her to make good decisions on her own behalf and not totally fuck this whole thing up. My parents had a three year long divorce from hell. I’m hoping for something far more boring.

Also - a good man entering the dating game - you will be surprised in a good way!

Here’s hoping.

Exhale……

Just walked into a restaurant that was playing "Señorita" by Shawn Mendes, which was her explicit affair anthem. I just leaned into it and tried to enjoy the song. Didn’t go quite as smooth as the Chicks, I’d say that just took me to a 4 or 5 out of 10, but I’m just breathing, gonna eat a little, see if a trip to the gym is needed after that (imagining Shawn and POSOM are getting punched in the face with every pump ). First time I’ve actually heard that piece of shit of a song since she told me about it. Not gonna let it ruin my awesome day, gonna just acknowledge those feelings, they make complete sense, and I’ll move on.
For those dealing with horrible triggers, it gets so much better. A year ago this would have probably taken me down completely for a few days. Now it’s a bee sting. Process your pain, believe in yourself. It goes slow, but the process works.

The gym. Ah yes.

The speed bag was my best friend for a while — punching something a LOT is pure therapy!

And, yes, several extra reps due to ditching some anger on the weight bench is also a healthy attack on lingering triggers.

So glad your recovery continues IH!

So glad your recovery continues IH!

You played no small part in getting me here, my friend. Thank you for all the wisdom and compassion, it’s not too much to call it life changing.

In the spirit of encouraging those dealing with triggers, I want to post an update from yesterday.
That moment with that filth song passed over me like a wave and receded just as quickly. Probably had me activated for a couple hours, but even that mildly after the moment passed. The rest of the day was amazing, today is a new gift to be enjoyed. This would have wrecked me a year ago, no question. In the darkness of your pain, keep walking. Keep understanding yourself, keep choosing yourself. YOU WILL HEAL! Days get a little better, the pain a little duller. Don’t give up, there is light and joy and goodness still.

Well now InkHulk - that is a Bad Ass Update this fine Monday Morning. I raise my coffee cup to you.

That's impressive, my friend. Kudos!

That is a great sign of progress and healing. Nice!

Glad to hear that and I think your transparency in your experience will give others direction and hope.

…I think your transparency in your experience will give others direction and hope.

That is the the hope, my friend.