SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Ive posted about this once before but I didn't get many responses.

My best friend showed me a message from my H and I heartbroken. My H told my friend " YOU BETTER STOP COMING OVER HERE IN THOSE SHORTS, YOUR ASS IS GOING TO GET ME IN TROUBLE "
MY H basically told my best friend he stares at her ass when she is around.
Why would any sane man do something like this? Before this, he had never ever done or said anything inappropriate to any woman.
His excuse was it was a joke. Which is complete bullshit because my H knew when I found out about this, I would be hurt. With the knowledge that my friend would show me, I cant understand why he would say what he said. My best friend now feels like my H is a creep. My friend does have a nice ass and I know my H has probably looked at it every time she has been over. That's normal. But to TELL HER. To tell her he basically likes looking at her ass disgusts me.

Why would any man say something so inappropriate to their wife's friend knowing I was going to find out?
Why would my H say this to her and not care how it would destroy my self esteem?

Are you sure he thought your friend would tell you?

I can't imagine why he would do that. He has to know that was an inappropriate thing to text your friend.

Do you think he was testing the waters with her?

You have a right to be disgusted. He crossed a boundary and I'm sure made your friend uncomfortable as well.

What did he say about it?

I remember this. Wasn't this quite some time ago? It may be time to let him go so he can send all the inappropriate messages he likes!

Before this, he had never ever done or said anything inappropriate to any woman.

That you know of. You know about this time because your BFF told you.

What a dumbass. My H used to do things somewhat like this, even in front of me. The last thing was when he was talking to our friend in a crowded, loud setting and patted his knee for her to sit down. I had to explain to him like he was six that it's inappropriate AF, and that it probably made her feel uncomfortable, too.

Several years ago, he was drunk and told our friend she was sexy in front of her husband and in front of me. Had we not been out on our boat, I'm sure they would have invented a reason to leave. We haven't hung out with them again since. I waited until we were alone and he was sober, and explained how fucking awkward that was and to never do it again. I had to really drill it into his head and he had a hard time getting it. Patriarchal bullshit entitlement.

This seems more worrisome, though, since he messaged her and said something about getting in trouble. What kind of trouble? Care to explain that?

Also, you need to pick one forum and not post multiple times. Mods will shut down your other posts.

[This message edited by SacredSoul33 at 12:31 AM, Tuesday, August 8th]

I remember that post and I commented then.

Your husband was fishing. He was hoping your best friend would bite.

As I said in your previous thread, no one decides on a whim that they are going to send a salacious text to their wife’s best friend after years of perfectly virtuous behavior.

His completely brazen attitude and approach indicates that he has done this many, many times before; this is just the first time that someone has told you about it.

Edit; add - I also recall you getting a lot of responses on that thread. The fact that you’re posting this again (and on multiple forums) indicates that you weren’t happy with the comments, which all agreed that your husband is a creep and that this wasn’t his first rodeo, but you’re hoping that one person will tell you this was an innocent misunderstanding.

Stop subjecting yourself to his gaslighting and trying to make sense of his bullshit. Pigs like to play in shit because it’s in their nature; there is no complex psychology behind it.

[This message edited by BluerThanBlue at 2:15 AM, Tuesday, August 8th]

Why would any man say something so inappropriate to their wife's friend knowing I was going to find out?
Why would my H say this to her and not care how it would destroy my self esteem?

There is literally only one real answer to these questions, and it does not say anything good about your H: he values his own wants and needs (ego kibbles, excitement, thrill of the chase) and does not care about yours. There is no other answer.

What are you really saying here? Is this a deal killer? Or is it one of the barriers to R?

How has your H changed in the last 3 years? How have you changed?

Or are you venting with a rhetorical question?

I am assuming this comment to your friend was made after DDAY.

If so, I’d ask what are you willing to put up with in a relationship? From my point of view, that’s a deal breaker of R. He already had an A with a good friend of yours if i remember correctly, and now he has the audacity to make a move on another. And make no mistake, he was making a move. He is going to cheat again, hell, that is basically what he is doing now. Even if this was a non affair marriage, would you be ok with that? Of course not, almost nobody would be.

He is stringing you along, gets to keep his wife and everything you provide, but he hasn’t fixed himself at all, and clearly doesn’t care too.

It’s up to you. He has shown his true colors to you. In my opinion, you can keep doing what you are, but you should be prepared for another DDAY because with that attitude he has, it’s definitely coming.

Jesus, will you stop with this post already ? One has been locked and one has been deleted, how many times are you going to post this ?

This sounds like him pretending it’s a joke if he gets caught and hoping she wouldn’t tell you and that they could start an affair. Luckily, she seems like a good friend and told you.

Iamjack..she posted these all at the same time,unaware that it wasn't allowed to post the same thread,in multiple forums. You can very easily scroll past them. No need to be unkind.

OP..you have posted this question before,months ago. It's clear you are looking for someone to give you a different answer..one that isn't obvious..so you can put a different spin on his behavior..so you can excuse it away.

Gently..he told her she had a nice ass because he thinks she has a nice ass. He did not know she would tell you. I'd bet good money he has done this same thing with another friend of yours, and she didn't tell you. He was fishing for an affair. He was hoping she would respond to him..and not tell you. He was trying to start an affair with your friend. Point blank.

That woman? She's a good friend. She did right by you.

His last affair was with a friend/neighbor of yours? It seems he gets off on having his OW around you,and you having no idea. He likes that you look like a fool(to him..and the OW) because you don't know whats happening. To him, that's part of the excitement.

I remember this. Wasn't this quite some time ago? It may be time to let him go so he can send all the inappropriate messages he likes!

I remember this as well. This is clearly a dealbreaker for you (ie due to the reoccurrence of these posts).