SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

How did your spouse hide the affair from you ?

I have some suspicions in my marriage.

If this is not the appropriate forum, mods please move it

Posting as WW here.

Snapchat, that was the app I used and hid it from my H. Gaslighting, "it's no big deal, we're just friends." Complete silence on even mentioning my AP.

Most stories here revolve around apps that delete messages automatically. What's app, snapchat, Instagram and even private Facebook messenger are common.

If your wife is hovering around her phone, turning off her screen when you come over, changing passwords... then you'll know.

I'd check your cell phone history. That's how I found out my H was lying to me about his EA "friend."

Best of luck.

  Moving to General

This is a weird one for me because my WH both did and didn't hide it (I just had no reason to look).

They communicated exclusively via WhatsApp and he had her contact saved as his coworker's name. However, he has never had a password on his phone and has never been secretive about it. I used his phone all the time for music, gps, pictures, etc. That really messed with my head- that it was literally RIGHT there all the time and very accessible to me, but it never once crossed my mind to look through his phone or anything.

We have different cell plans. I don't have access to her phone. She takes it everywhere. Even the bathroom

Hiding the phone.

Telling me lies to cover his tracks.

I was totally trusting.

Never had a suspicion or gut feeling.

He deleted most things from his phone from an emotional affair with a coworkers wife. I don't know her. But he couldn't delete phone records. But you don't have access. Get up in the middle of the night and Check if she had no password.

My wife’s A was born over FB Messenger. It sounds like she was very careful to leave no trace there, but she could have had the entire sorted history on there and I wouldn’t have found it, I never suspected a thing. She was a SAHM with no kids at home with infinite time and opportunity to do whatever she pleased. I made it incredibly easy for her.
She did eventually have a major behavior shift where she took on an out of character hobby. Had a decent cover story, but it was a way of spending time with POSOM. When I attended with her once, I had an uneasy feeling and asked her if she had an unusually close friendship with an attractive guy I noticed around. Asking that in our relationship was a big darn deal. She said no. That wasn’t POSOM, but it turns out I HAD just met the bastard screwing my wife hours before.

Ask to borrow her phone since your GPS is glitching. If she acts like you're asking for her kidneys and refuses, big red flag

Everything was essentially done in person. He knew I could read all of his texts but since she was his secretary they could just sneak kisses in the office with no one the wiser. The few times they met outside of the office he left his phone behind at the office so that my Find Friends app would show him as still being at the office. He texted me from one of their hikes together so that it would seem like he wasn’t doing anything sketchy. Once he told me he had to meet with her to tell her she had to leave her job and go work for someone else, and he took that opportunity to let her get in his car and hookup on a side street. Of course he claimed she was just some pathetic worker that he was not attracted to at all. I had seen a picture of her online and she looked pretty dumpy so I bought the party line. I truly wish in retrospect I had used a VAR because then I would know the real nature of their relationship. I did use a recording pen once which recorded a superficial conversation they had about her kids. It was unrevealing or maybe that’s actually how all their conversations were. He claims it was just the hookups and boring convo, no romance. He also had her come to a couple places that he needed to be anyway, in one case doing a pickup at our son’s school. The out of office meetups were in parks. It seems that is a popular place for affair partners to meet. Gross.

She charges her cell on the night stand, right next to her head . I can see it , but I'm scared to wake her if I grab it . I also don't know the pin.

Everything was done in person on the premises of the hospital where my wife and her doctor AP worked. I had a gut feeling something just wasn't kosher about how she would sometimes " have to start her nursing shift early" or stay late as there was a " mess in the ER". And she would occasionally tell me that she had to go in on her previously assigned day off. Trusting fool that I wss, I didn't listen to the red flag warnings my gut was screaming at me. I couldn't imagine for one minute she would selfishly indulge in such a hateful, devastating, destructive behavior. I wss so naive. fWW now wishes with her enire being she had never joined the cohort of other married and unmarried nurses screwing doctors in that ceddpit of promiscuity of a hospital.It has been a toxic fifty Yeats and a very painful seven months since my years of denial were swept away by her Dday confession.Things so much better now...

He hid it for a year. I wouldn't in a million years suspected it because he was always home at night, never gone overnight and for the most part I knew where he was. BUT, he was always glued to his phone. I didn't get suspicious until my Mom was at our house one weekend and mentioned that she noticed he was always close to his phone. One morning before I was up, she got up and surprised him when she came out of the guest bedroom. She heard him say to the AP "I gotta go" and hung up the phone. That's when I ordered the cell phone log and saw the AP's number over and over again on the bill. I googled the number and found that it belonged to his "Coworker friend" that turned out to be his AP.

My wife deleted all messenger and text messages. She was going to see her horse I had given her, little did I know the gut taking care of her horse would end up being her AP.
We had been together over 30yrs, I had no reason to suspect her. She acted normal in my eyes. Little did I know she had a home life and a barn life. I became concerned one night when she was on messenger with some guy, her passwords were never hidden, so I logged into messenger and in her hurry to get out one night, she forgot to delete an incriminating message. She said it was a joke, they were just friends. It took 4 months of TT to get the truth.

My ex used any forum to meet potential APs. It may have been a work conference, Facebook, chat forums to quit smoking, loose weight, etc. He would chat on messenger or text. He would hide women under men’s names and delete conversations but he always kept mementos whether it was gifts or pictures. I only found out and started searching after one of his APs posted about their lurve for Valentine’s Day and put a picture of the card with the same thing written in her card as mine.

I discovered her because he had left his Facebook up on the home computer and I just started scrolling through. Over months, I put together all the ugly truth of what he had been doing. There was a lot of gaslighting. She was crazy and staking him. She blackmailed him. The lies went on and on.

I’ll tell you that he took his phone with him everywhere. His was a work phone so I didn’t see the calls either. That’s part of why it took months. I’m just really sorry that you are feeling that uneasy feeling. I remember feeling like I might throw up if I found something. It just sucks.

Several different ways. She spent time on the phone/meeting up while I was gone with the kids OR she would volunteer to take kids to their events and said she would "just wait" for them to be done so she could "do her Bible study".

She also met up with the AP during "workouts" and they also had code words/phrases they would use so they could check in to see if it was OK to talk/text without asking.

[He would text that he "needed to stop by to pick up a tool he needed for another job site" if he wanted to talk; she would text that she "found a tool and wanted to know if it was his" if she wanted to talk.]

She also deleted every call and text record after she was done with that particular conversation. Thankfully, at that point, we had a family cell plan and I could get the data from the phone bill.

I was also able to run Dr. Phone on her old phone that she never deactivated when she got a new one shortly after D-day v1.0, so I retrieved many of their text conversations.

He saw her a bar. He hired her to work for him. They worked remotely (mostly).

Then they started the EA via phone. Then they met in person. And it took off.

Three months later / midlife crisis affair and he walks in the door one night hours late and admits he’s having an affair. And BTW he wants a D.

Cue the nuclear ☢️ explosion.

This might sound like the craziest advice you ever herd but wait until she comes out of the bathroom with the phone, look her in the eye and say "I would like to see your phone. Relationships are built on trust, and the way you have been acting with that phone, I do not trust you anymore. If you are not doing anything behind my back, we have a big problem to fix, and we need to work on it together because, I do not deserve to suffer with my insecurities. If you are hiding something, we have an even bigger problem because the distrust, and disrespect is no longer your little secret. I am not interested in fighting about it. I am hurting because of how you been acting, and there needs to be change either way. So it is time to confess what is going on, because something is." Now I know many will be like what the hell she will hide it or what not, but if the trust is gone is there any point tiptoeing around, living with all that anxiety? You are aloud to tell your spouse you are hurting, insecure, and thinking it is over unless something changes. Her actions afterwards will tell all. If she denies and gives you the phone great. If she denies and does not hand you the phone, you have a person that cares more about her stash of cat videos than your marriage. Tell her if that is the case, we are not as close as I thought and it is time to re-evaluate if you want to be with her. If she comes clean, then the ball is in your court for the future. I found the worst part of being cheated on is you have to start acting like them because of their actions. You have to slink around at night, hide things, keep secrets when you have done nothing wrong. Pop it into the light. Fight it out. Make a firm boundary and do not take no. It might be hurtful if you do not trust her, but if she actually gives a damn she will change her habits and make you feel safe. If she is wayward it is time to fix it because that is no way to live. We as BS are always scared we will loose even more, but the fact is we already lost, so be brave, and fight for the respect you deserve. If you think something is wrong, there probably is. It feels so much better after you have it out. Good luck.

Don't ask if she's cheating. If she is, she will get better at hiding it.

The best way to catch her is to buy a voice activated recorder,and secure it under the front seat of her car, with heavy duty velcro. Most cheaters call their AP when they're driving,because they feel safe to do so.

Right under my &^%$#@! nose.

My wife had an affair with my best friend for three years. He was always around.