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Newest Member: Stark

Just Found Out :
Wife cheated with high schooler

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DictumVeritas ( member #74087) posted at 3:42 PM on Wednesday, August 31st, 2022

From my perspective, she's terrified of the criminal justice system and that's it. I'm sorry, but I just wouldn't be able to live with myself if she were not prosecuted.

Your life is but a flicker to the cosmos and only the brightest flickers are recorded by history for good or bad. Most of us just want to live our lives without being interfered with.

posts: 278   ·   registered: Mar. 22nd, 2020   ·   location: South-Africa
id 8753128
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LegsWideShut ( new member #80302) posted at 4:18 PM on Wednesday, August 31st, 2022

Truly glad to see you took steps to protect yourself and your daughter.Still I am sorry you have to suffer through this.
You seem to be doing extraordinarily well, all things considered.
Hopefully when the dust clears, you wife, or ex-wife as the case may be soon, gets the help she really needs.

posts: 18   ·   registered: May. 9th, 2022   ·   location: New England
id 8753141
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DoinBettr ( member #71209) posted at 7:07 PM on Wednesday, August 31st, 2022

She said after D, she will probably leave the state and go somewhere else.


Like it was said before, she will be black listed in the state most likely. With all the rising costs of living in CA I bet she would want to move to escape the stigma and get a fresh start. She could move to places like Texas and she would have housing and a good check, pretty much no matter her situation in CA. That is how badly they need teachers. Especially if she was willing to work on the army base there.

posts: 707   ·   registered: Aug. 7th, 2019   ·   location: Midwest
id 8753188
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Shockedmom ( member #44708) posted at 1:53 AM on Sunday, September 4th, 2022

How are you doing? This has been a rough week for you.

posts: 1081   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2014   ·   location: Hawaii
id 8753780
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NotInMyLife ( member #67728) posted at 5:36 AM on Sunday, September 4th, 2022

I'm confused, are you planning to just ignore her criminal behavior and let her escape the consequences of taking advantage of a minor? Are you seriously okay with leaving her free to potential corrupt another child?

Her agreement to custody or assets is meaningless at this point, she has no bargaining power. Turn it over to the lawyers and listen to what they tell you to do.

posts: 167   ·   registered: Nov. 3rd, 2018
id 8753796
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hurtbs ( member #10866) posted at 3:05 PM on Sunday, September 4th, 2022

First, I am so sorry you are going through this. Gently - you are in denial. Your wife and I are about the same age. I work with high school kids. They are children. Your wife's behavior is predatory and she should be banned from working with children now and in the future. I normally never tell people whether or not they should consider reconciliation. In this case, however, you absolutely should not. You need to protect not only yourself, but your daughter. People who behave this way don't do it once.

First, contact an attorney ASAP. You need to get your ducks in a row here. Your wife is a sexual predator. You need to prepare for life as a single father with sole custody (physical and legal).

Second, draft an email to her employer and your state's Child Services outlining what you know and include evidence. You need to protect this child (even though his parent won't) and other children.

[This message edited by hurtbs at 3:07 PM, Sunday, September 4th]

Me - 40 something.WXH DDay 2006, tried to R. Divorced 2012
WBFDDay 9/4/2022 - Partner of 8+ years confessed to ONS
Status - Day by Day

posts: 15659   ·   registered: Jun. 1st, 2006
id 8753823
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HarryD ( member #72423) posted at 1:41 PM on Monday, September 5th, 2022

I don’t know how much law inforcement is really going to do. He 17 going to be 18. She will lose her job. Schools are force to do that. But with all the criminal things going on. Don’t expect the DA is going to get involved, He will be 18 soon. They can date and have all the sex they want.
She may just be waiting it out until then.
With her not working, Him working at Mickey D. The three of them can live together

posts: 114   ·   registered: Dec. 30th, 2019   ·   location: NY
id 8753951
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 JKai17 (original poster new member #80676) posted at 11:08 PM on Monday, September 5th, 2022

[This message edited by JKai17 at 11:08 AM, Monday, October 3rd]

posts: 42   ·   registered: Aug. 23rd, 2022
id 8754028
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Tanner ( member #72235) posted at 11:35 PM on Monday, September 5th, 2022

There is no forgiveness right now. You have to get yourself and daughter separated from her. She needs to face her consequences.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R
BH M 31 years

posts: 1829   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8754029
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Buffer ( member #71664) posted at 12:18 AM on Tuesday, September 6th, 2022

Accountability and responsibility.

You can’t let her rug sweep her grooming of this child regardless that his mother says it is ok ✅.

You are a intelligent person, keep on researching how to help your daughter, she is the top priority. Some here are victim blaming the AP. He is 17 but not mentally mature with his disability to make life long relationship decisions with person who has groomed him. A teacher has authority over her mentally challenged student.

D her and then ensure the legal aspect is fully investigated. Keep on the police. If the rolls were reversed and the perpetrator was a man there would be hell to pay.

One day at a time.

[This message edited by Buffer at 12:24 AM, Tuesday, September 6th]

Buffer

posts: 1239   ·   registered: Sep. 24th, 2019   ·   location: Australia
id 8754033
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Justsomeguy ( member #65583) posted at 1:27 AM on Tuesday, September 6th, 2022

I must agree with Buffer. Just reverse the genders and see if it doesn't make you throw up in your mouth, then add the fact that the minir is on the spectrum. And I am speaking as a current educator. You are obligated to report. Please, this is a young person who needs the adults in his life to be his advocates. Two are failing him.

Me:55 STBXWW:55 DD#1: false confession of EA Dec. 2016. False R for a year.DD#2: confessed to year long PA Dec. 2 2017 (was about to be outed)Called it off and filed. Denied having an affair in court papers.

Divorced 2022!!!!

posts: 1319   ·   registered: Jul. 25th, 2018   ·   location: Canada
id 8754035
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NotInMyLife ( member #67728) posted at 2:10 AM on Tuesday, September 6th, 2022

I think it's OK to me at least D point of view.


Why? She is a criminal and actually doesn't have any power to dictate anything whatsoever about custody or assets. You recognize that she is trying to evade the consequences of her actions and yet you are prepared to abet that. Why? Talk to your divorce lawyer and get this all properly settled through the courts.

posts: 167   ·   registered: Nov. 3rd, 2018
id 8754040
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Pragmatic ( new member #63510) posted at 9:12 AM on Tuesday, September 6th, 2022

JKai17 ( new member)posted at 11:08 PM on Monday, September 5th, 2022

My wife suggested me give me a full custody (at least physical) of our daughter and asked me about 20% of our assets.
We just built a new house last year and I know it means a lot to her because she had worked on it every detail including furniture.
She is willing to let it go as well as the custody of our daughter.

Any advice would be appreciated.

1. Be fair - the two of you built a life together before she destroyed it, but only giving 20% is not fair and frankly depending where you live a judge would not even entertain that and make their own ruling on asset split, in my country 50/50.
2. You have a child together, so you will never get a clean break, so best to try to get on with each other, I know it's raw at the moment, but you have years ahead of you seeing this woman because you both have a child.

posts: 33   ·   registered: Apr. 20th, 2018   ·   location: England
id 8754062
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HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 2:56 PM on Tuesday, September 6th, 2022

When one spouse breaks the marital contract,by having an affair, a BS doesn't need to concern themselves with what's fair. You upheld your end. Not all divorce settlements are 50/50. If she is offering to take less,then jump on it.

As for your child,her mother is having an affair with an under-age boy,who has diminished capacity. Its insidious. She isn't a safe parent. It shows an extreme lack of judgement on her part. That she is already telling this boy that he will be a good fatherfor her child proves she doesn't care about her well being.

posts: 4675   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2017   ·   location: The Midwest
id 8754088
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cheatingwho ( member #37407) posted at 6:30 PM on Tuesday, September 6th, 2022

I feel so bad for that kid! Being involved with someone older, someone who is an authority figure messes you up for life. All your relationships in the future are tainted by this kinda thing. You expect there to be a power imbalance in the relationship and you will put up with a lot more abuse because of it. I hope someone tells and that child can get into therapy.

Please report your wife! This child she is involved with has Autism, this means they have a difficulty with social situations so I HIGHLY doubt he put the moves on her (I mean anything is possible though). What she is doing is wrong on so many levels.

ME: Non-binary and Queer (pronouns are they/them/theirs)
HIM: Irrelevant Divorced - 01/2015
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1 living kidbit (DS-22), 2 in heaven
Still you wonder who's cheating who and whose being true

posts: 261   ·   registered: Nov. 7th, 2012   ·   location: New York City
id 8754114
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 6:45 PM on Tuesday, September 6th, 2022

This woman is a predator, if this was a flip test and it was a man doing it, I'm fairly certain most people would insist on no visitation w/ child w/o oversight.
Be very careful to what you are agreeing to. Your child does not need to be exposed to her level of crazy.

I'm sorry but she belongs in prison, not just happily going along with life, minus 80% of her marital home and belongings.

Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 22 & 25
Married for 30 years now, was 16 at the time.
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 19534   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 8754116
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 JKai17 (original poster new member #80676) posted at 3:46 AM on Thursday, September 15th, 2022

[This message edited by JKai17 at 11:08 AM, Monday, October 3rd]

posts: 42   ·   registered: Aug. 23rd, 2022
id 8755332
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leafields ( member #63517) posted at 4:16 AM on Thursday, September 15th, 2022

I've been following your story but haven't posted. I'm so sorry you're here, and the ethical issues with your WW's AP adds to the maelstrom of emotions you must be going through.

That said, hormone issues aren't an excuse for infidelity. Your WW knows right from wrong. Her A is a character issue and she was arrogant enough to figure she wouldn't get caught.

She could have communicated her wants or desires with you and kept everything within the M.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 1336   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8755336
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Confused282 ( member #79680) posted at 6:59 AM on Thursday, September 15th, 2022

I read that book as well. I thought it was a good book.

Since you read it then follow its advise.

She says the only way to save your marriage is to play hard ball and throw your wife out and go for everything. Yes it does. Two little paragraphs I think on the half where she interviews the husband getting cheated on.

Honestly your post confuse me.

I feel like you have been trying to save your marriage so you are being too nice.

You cannot be nice at all.

Is she still at her teaching job?

Forget the pastors.

You need a real lawyer. Now immediately.

There is no talking or working with your wife.

You are going for full custody and all assets.

You are exposing her to all faculty. You are calling the police.

Once you have those things then you can talk to her.

Then you can call her mom and brother kick her out and let her stay with them.

You have been way too nice. I don’t understand what you are doing.

You need to understand that the fact the kid is 17 gives you a better opportunity than most. If he was 18 she would be gone with 50 of your daughter and 50 percent of your money.

You have been letting her manipulate you. No more. There is no negotiation until you have everything in writing and it is permanent.

You cannot wait any longer. Call your lawyer today. Go for everything.

Not some weird counselor, or weird pastor. A family law attorney who’s only job is being your lawyer. Who is going for her throat.

Everyone on here has been telling you that. The book you read tells you that.

It really is your only option.

You cannot reason with a cheating wife.

Go back and read everything you’ve posted and our responses from the beginning. You’ll see we predicted it.

I know it’s hard. I know it seems counterintuitive. But the only way to save things is to lay the hammer down. Full no let up.

Act now, immediately.

I don’t want you hurt. You have no choice.

I know this is one of the hardest things to do in your life.

Call a real lawyer. A shark.

1) Have him inform all the schools or do it your self.

2) tell all the church.

3) tell the mother and brother and kick her out immediately.

No more nice. No more.

If you want to try and save your marriage tell her you will talk after all legal arrangements have been taken care of. Being in jail or away from you and your daughter might be the one thing that puts some sense in her.

I think kicking her out may be what you need. Then she is not there manipulating you.

I’m so sorry please act now. It really is the only way. You have no other options. She went from giving you full custody to now wanting 50/50. We told you. It was easy to see.

All legal matters first then the talking. No more talking until laywer says custody and money is in writing and locked down.

Please act. You really have no choice.

Best of luck.

posts: 52   ·   registered: Dec. 16th, 2021   ·   location: USA
id 8755344
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 JKai17 (original poster new member #80676) posted at 8:52 AM on Thursday, September 15th, 2022

[This message edited by JKai17 at 11:08 AM, Monday, October 3rd]

posts: 42   ·   registered: Aug. 23rd, 2022
id 8755346
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