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Newest Member: Stark

Just Found Out :
Wife cheated with high schooler

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 JKai17 (original poster new member #80676) posted at 5:47 PM on Tuesday, August 23rd, 2022

[This message edited by JKai17 at 7:48 PM, Tuesday, October 4th]

posts: 42   ·   registered: Aug. 23rd, 2022
id 8751633
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Tanner ( member #72235) posted at 5:53 PM on Tuesday, August 23rd, 2022

I’m am so sorry, this has to be an awful discovery. I think it’s way too soon to be considering reconciliation. I think at a minimum you need to notify his mother and where it goes from there will be natural consequences. I’m sorry you find yourself here.

You can not cover this up, some states have a failure to report law.

[This message edited by Tanner at 5:58 PM, Tuesday, August 23rd]

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R
BH M 31 years

posts: 1829   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8751635
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svengundenblum ( new member #78794) posted at 5:54 PM on Tuesday, August 23rd, 2022

"Since she works for churches and colleges, if this is found out, her career might be over with possible criminal charge."

Oh, forget about that.

SHE fucked her own career, .... as well as other things.

Why would you want to stay married to a pedophile?

posts: 25   ·   registered: May. 14th, 2021
id 8751636
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PSTI ( member #53103) posted at 5:55 PM on Tuesday, August 23rd, 2022

Flip the genders around and everyone would clearly see how abusive this is.

He is a minor and under her authority. This is unacceptable behaviour regardless of whether the student's mother thinks it's okay.

I would absolutely report her. It does not make it acceptable simply because the minor is male and the abuser is female.

Me: BW, my xH left me & DS after a 14 year marriage for the AP in 2014.

Happily remarried and in an open/polyamorous relationship. DH (married 4 years) & DBF (dating 3 years). Cohabitating happily all together!! <3

posts: 837   ·   registered: May. 6th, 2016
id 8751637
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 JKai17 (original poster new member #80676) posted at 5:58 PM on Tuesday, August 23rd, 2022

Thanks for all replies.

J

[This message edited by JKai17 at 7:50 PM, Tuesday, October 4th]

posts: 42   ·   registered: Aug. 23rd, 2022
id 8751639
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Tanner ( member #72235) posted at 6:04 PM on Tuesday, August 23rd, 2022

Sounds like you are hearing one side. You WW is grooming a child, like someone else said, regardless of the gender, this is a potential crime. You need to talk to his mother and tell her about the love letters, no way she is ok with it.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R
BH M 31 years

posts: 1829   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8751642
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 6:05 PM on Tuesday, August 23rd, 2022

Not ok on any level ever.
She is an adult the kid is impaired, and she took sexual advantage of him. I don't care who started it, as the adult she should have shut that shit down.

No now she is a pedophile. I would get an attorney and file for sole custody. You cannot allow your daughter to stay around her unsupervised. A 40+ yo adult aboslutely knows that you don't get involved with kids. The student is a child. This is not ok.

File and protect your child.

Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 22 & 25
Married for 30 years now, was 16 at the time.
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 19534   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 8751644
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 JKai17 (original poster new member #80676) posted at 6:07 PM on Tuesday, August 23rd, 2022

[This message edited by JKai17 at 10:56 PM, Tuesday, October 4th]

posts: 42   ·   registered: Aug. 23rd, 2022
id 8751645
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ChamomileTea ( Guide #53574) posted at 6:12 PM on Tuesday, August 23rd, 2022

I think you'd be wise to talk this over with an attorney. That way you can find out what the age of consent is in your state. Not all states are 18, so you don't know for sure if a crime has been committed. If it has though, you're going to need to take steps to protect yourself financially.

Regardless of the actual age of consent though, what your WW has done is damaging. My own fWH was a victim in a similar situation when he was a teen, a little younger than this one actually, and it shaped his views on sex and marriage in such a way as to leave him open to adultery later in life. So, even if she ends up lucking out and not being a criminal, she's still harmed a young person, and that's not to mention the injury she's done to you and to her family dynamic.

Right now, it's really important that you protect yourself, so not only will that mean seeing an attorney, you'll want to get with your doctor for STD testing and to talk about stress management. This kind of trauma is so hard on the body. There are some really good articles to get you started in The Healing Library, so you have some immediate resources to hand there. Once you've taken care of these practical concerns, you'll have time to process the rest and to make decisions about your marriage and future. Your WW has created a great deal of instability in your life right now though, so it's really important that you not get so bogged down that you're paralyzed by emotion. That kids parents are in a position to become extremely hostile and litigious. Believe me, if I caught my kid's music teacher bedding him, I'd ruin her, and if that meant bankrupting her family, it would not have stopped me. Your financial future is in peril right now.

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

ETA: We were cross-posting and I just caught the part where the boy's mother knows about it. That's some really inexplicable parenting right there. Honestly. I can't even imagine. barf
Still though, she might change her mind and see dollar signs later. I would get that legal advice.

[This message edited by ChamomileTea at 6:17 PM, Tuesday, August 23rd]

BW: 2004(online EAs), 2014 (multiple PAs)Married 38 years; in R with fWH for 7

No one can make you into a liar but you.

posts: 5967   ·   registered: Jun. 8th, 2016   ·   location: U.S.
id 8751647
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Tanner ( member #72235) posted at 6:13 PM on Tuesday, August 23rd, 2022

I saw his mother call my wife as daughter-in-law, which makes me sick.

Then you need as far away from her as possible. Like Tushnurse said get an attorney and file for sole custody.

[This message edited by Tanner at 6:17 PM, Tuesday, August 23rd]

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R
BH M 31 years

posts: 1829   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8751648
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 JKai17 (original poster new member #80676) posted at 6:15 PM on Tuesday, August 23rd, 2022

Thanks for the advice.

[This message edited by JKai17 at 10:57 PM, Tuesday, October 4th]

posts: 42   ·   registered: Aug. 23rd, 2022
id 8751650
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ChamomileTea ( Guide #53574) posted at 6:24 PM on Tuesday, August 23rd, 2022

Just to make sure, as I checked her message, I don't think there is any intercourse involved yet.

You don't have proof of sex yet, so I don't think you're required in moral terms to report to authorities. That said, I would go on the record with both your WW and the boy's mother that if any sex occurs, you'll go straight to the police with it. You are NOT required to become complicit in anyone else's criminal activity. I don't think you should mince words about that.

BW: 2004(online EAs), 2014 (multiple PAs)Married 38 years; in R with fWH for 7

No one can make you into a liar but you.

posts: 5967   ·   registered: Jun. 8th, 2016   ·   location: U.S.
id 8751652
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Confused282 ( member #79680) posted at 6:36 PM on Tuesday, August 23rd, 2022

God I’m so sorry.

I actually have read extensively on this epidemic of female teachers and students.

Don’t bother talking to the mother. She may want her to take care of him or often after they allow and even encourage the relationship they sue the school for money. Who knows but she should know this is not appropriate if she was a sane good mom.

They have had sex don’t kid yourself. If she did say she let him seduce her that means they had sex. She is not divorcing and acting crazy for a crush.

I have no real good advise except to second to go see an attorney immediately. You need to protect yourself. Also you need to go to war to shake her out of her fantasy land. Hopefully her evil actions will help you come out financially stable and with full custody.

If you need to talk to her tell her she is all in or all out. No more job at all no notice. Her career is over. Then talk with a lawyer about your options for a post up or other ways to protect your self in the future.

If she does not comply then you go to war immediately.

Imagine her starting a relationship with him and getting your daughter in the middle of it? What a horrible situation.

One thing for sure you cannot be passive and need to take strong decisive action immediately.

I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’m sending you best wishes.

posts: 52   ·   registered: Dec. 16th, 2021   ·   location: USA
id 8751653
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HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 6:45 PM on Tuesday, August 23rd, 2022

You've mentioned a few times,that his mother is sick. I agree. Your wife is sicker. This CHILD is on the spectrum. Your wife is a sexual predator.

You need to report it. You need to file for divorce, and report it immediately. Now. Today.

You know a child is being victimised. If anyone else finds out..and you can bet he's telling his friends..not only will the cops be at your door,but so will CPS. They will find out you know,because they will confiscate her phone to obtain messages between them. Your daughter will be removed from the home. Not reporting means you condone this. Seriously. You are in danger of having your child removed from your home. Act NOW. You don't have the luxury of time.

[This message edited by HellFire at 6:47 PM, Tuesday, August 23rd]

posts: 4673   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2017   ·   location: The Midwest
id 8751658
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 JKai17 (original poster new member #80676) posted at 6:49 PM on Tuesday, August 23rd, 2022

Thank you for your advice.

[This message edited by JKai17 at 7:51 PM, Tuesday, October 4th]

posts: 42   ·   registered: Aug. 23rd, 2022
id 8751661
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HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 6:53 PM on Tuesday, August 23rd, 2022

You don't have proof of sex yet, so I don't think you're required in moral terms to report to authorities.

Cheaters lie. So what if he doesn't have proof there has been sex,of any kind? There is proof that he knows about the relationship. CPS won't care if he was in the dark about there being sex. They will care that he knew there was an extremely inappropriate relationship between his wife and a minor child. That will be all they need to remove his child from his care. They will find that proof by confiscating her phone. Or his. Guarantee they've discussed that her husband knows about them. And we all know deleted messages can be recovered. The only way to make sure his child isn't removed from his care,is to see an attorney,amd make a report. Otherwise its a gamble.

[This message edited by HellFire at 6:54 PM, Tuesday, August 23rd]

posts: 4673   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2017   ·   location: The Midwest
id 8751664
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 JKai17 (original poster new member #80676) posted at 6:54 PM on Tuesday, August 23rd, 2022

Thanks, HellFire.

[This message edited by JKai17 at 7:51 PM, Tuesday, October 4th]

posts: 42   ·   registered: Aug. 23rd, 2022
id 8751665
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HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 6:56 PM on Tuesday, August 23rd, 2022

Yeah, adultery isn't ok with God either but there she is.

She's not safe.

The only thing you need to concern yourself with is protecting your child. Not your wife's reputation. Not her job. Not her friendships. And not your marriage.

Only your child.

posts: 4673   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2017   ·   location: The Midwest
id 8751666
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Belle25 ( new member #63676) posted at 6:57 PM on Tuesday, August 23rd, 2022

Hellfire is correct. I occasionally work with CPS in my job, and a parent who is aware of a situation that endangers a minor and doesn't report is considered an enabler. Your name would be attached to any report on this.

I'm sorry. That's disgusting, honestly. And his mother also needs to reported as an enabler.

posts: 47   ·   registered: May. 3rd, 2018
id 8751667
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 JKai17 (original poster new member #80676) posted at 6:58 PM on Tuesday, August 23rd, 2022

Thank you so much.

[This message edited by JKai17 at 10:58 AM, Monday, October 3rd]

posts: 42   ·   registered: Aug. 23rd, 2022
id 8751668
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