Ff1452 – My wife has certainly done a lot of damage to our marriage, not only in the affair but her actions afterwards, I am fighting for that very slim chance things can recover, and I have been fighting for that for a few years now, I am at the point now where I am seeing that the fight is possibly not worth it anymore, without things changing soon I will have to take a different course.
Crazyblindsided – I am sorry you had to go through that for so long, and I understand, there are too many times my WW has shown zero remorse for her actions, I am not sure if I am in false R or just white knuckling the marriage as it stands, but I will find out soon enough.
ChamomileTea – you are correct in that nothing is past saving, our issue is that when we try to have those very hard conversations they normally devolve in to plain old arguments, I don’t think my WW ever got past the idea that any affair talk was me just rubbing her nose in what she had done like a puppy that has weed on the carpet, she never stopped to actually listen to what I was trying to tell her about how I felt, so we never really understood each other past dday. I know where I want to be, which is happily married to my wife, the question is, is that does she want to be there with me, or has her feelings for me gone?
NotMyFirstRodeo – I plan on talking to her about this this weekend, about our dead bedroom, if she refuses to even contemplate changes or once again blames me, or comes up with medical excuses which she refuses to investigate, then I will have my answer and will have to start the process to have my own life. If however she actually owns her side of things and suggests ways things can be changed then we will give it some more time to see if things can be fixed.
Unhinged – it is a tough choice to make after 27 years together, especially where there is a significant chance financially I will be much worse off afterwards, but it is a choice I may have to make, you do only have one life, my heart attack showed how fragile it can be, and we are not put on this earth to be unhappy so much of the time.
BluerthanBlue – I want my marriage to get back to where it should be, I still love my wife, as for her I hope she still loves me and doesn’t want to stay married just for my paycheck, her actions at the moment show that I am living on hopium, I could be wrong but I am unsure if I am.
Sisoon – simply put, yes I want to be with her, but have realised over the last 3 years that her actions are those of one who does not want to fix what she did, but rugsweep it away and I am realising her actions recently seem to be those of someone who is trying to push me away so that when I file for divorec she can say it isn’t her fault. This is a hard pill to swallow when she is the one who has put us in this situation in the first place.
Numb&dumb - Life is too short, and I know sex isn’t supposed to be a big part of a marriage, but the lack of it is indicating some pretty big issues we have, compounded by everything else that is going on.
As I have said above, this weekend I will be talking to her about things, seeing if she is anywhere near the same page as me, and she isn’t then seeing if she wants to be on the same page or not. Its a pretty simple choice for us, work together ALL the time or figure things out separately.