Drummerboy,
Your answer to first question: Is there anyone that is this far out from D-day, still in the relationship, and still frequenting this site?
Yes, and farther out than 5 years.
Second question: How long is too long try to hold on to your marriage?
You decide, I assume you made a vow, ‘better or worse, health, etc’. Has your spouse stayed true after a ‘one off’? Can you deal with it? Is she trying and taking responsibility for her actions?, on and on. What’s your integrity level? (no right or wrong answer here)
As for myself and my wife’s infidelity: it sometimes gets easier, it is almost always is present in the background running deep in my mental processor, her affair that is. Her affair, if I believe her, has been over for decades, her deceit has not, after lying for so long even the truth can not be true.
Analogy: When I was a young man I had the opportunity to catch my right arm on fire with gasoline. Both hands, right arm, both shoulders burnt very badly. I put my self out in a mud hole full of water. I had lots of flesh stay in that mud hole replaced by mud. The smell came first, then the pain. The pain stayed for months. I hope I am just graphic enough for you to get the picture.
Debridement is a thing, google it. I was told the scars would never leave, the skin would never tan in summer. But, I would get full use of everything back. It took years actually.
Full use came quickly.
The skin would change all sorts of colors during wintertime.
The skin did tan after a few years, even hair grew back.
Now, useless someone knows where to look that can’t even tell of my injuries. (I think)
But the scars are there: more in my head than on my skin. Sometimes I can see them and the pain seems to return, even the smell. The warm water of the mud hole, the warm water of the debridement.
Now, I like my hands and I like my arm. They serve me well and I am blessed to have them. I trust them. But they do have scars. Only I see them. I am trying to deal with what I see.
(side bar and unrelated to you question, I would gladly experience the burn as opposed to infidelity, but hell, I wasn’t given the option)