Newest Member: Uncertain2023


Reconciliation, pregnancy and triggers

Hi All,

Im 5 years out from DDay and A season. My WH and I are still reconciling. I say 'still' because only recently I discovered I am pregnant. I know this may not apply to everyone but any advice is welcomed. A little back story. It took me nearly a decade to get pregnant the first time during which I discovered the A. AP was a coworker and although it was a short lived affair it crushed me to the core. He was my first everything. I was only 20 when I met him. H was planning on leaving me but in turn after discovery I left him. I missed him every day and so did he especially since we spent 10 years together. After 2 months of seperation we did get back together. He did everything to make me feel safe again. Like many others I always said an A was a deal breaker for me. I couldnt look at the person the same. Part of me still believes this I think because I do get triggers all throughout the year especially remembering the locations they visited and the restaurants they went to together. These were all my favourite places but not anymore!! The fear of anxiety stops me from entering these locations. I do pass these locations on a weekly basis which doesnt help. Ive moved to another town but I travel in for work most days. I love my H even after all the trauma and the pain he caused me. I did go through a phase of thinking if I was in love with him as our life became a routine again and we just didnt have time for one another due to work committments, family and house. I dont want to sound ungrateful. I do have a beautiful life now after suffering 10 years of stress including living with a horrible mother in law. Anyhow I discovered recently that I am pregnant. Im not sure if this may be one of the reasons why I am constantly triggering especially since A season was around the time we were trying to get pregnant. This was not a planned pregnancy and it was a total shock to us especially since I couldnt get pregnant for nearly a decade. The triggers this time around have been worse. Previous triggers I tend to dissolve them by thinking of the positives. This time round I am super emotional and have also found myself crying on several occasions. I do think hormones are playing a huge part in this but i just dont understand why I am triggering the way I am. The last few years have been amazing and ive not triggered this bad. I have also dug up old wounds for my H so I feel horrible. I know trauma doesnt completely go away but I dont want to feel like this again. I do want this baby and I do want our family to grow. I want to be happy again.

I wonder if anyone else triggered while they were pregnant after reconciling with their partners. Any advice and positive words would be grately appreciated.

5 comments posted: Thursday, May 26th, 2022

What is the difference between ...?

What is the difference between loving someone and being in love with them?

Sorry title was too long!

I only ask this because first i have heard it alot from my friends and secondly i have thought about it alot my self lately too. Pre-affair i was absolutely crazy for H and i used go up and beyond to plan and do things together but now I just cant be bothered. It might be because we have a toddler who keeps us busy all day long after nursery or it could be that I know longer feel like im in love with H. Ofcourse I do love him but i am not sure if I would go as far as saying I am madly or deeply in love with him.

I am not sure if that makes any sense. I would love to hear from anyone who feels the same way or anyone who has any insight to this.

13 comments posted: Tuesday, March 8th, 2022

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