Newest Member: 30yearsofheartache


Doxing vs Exposing.

Mods: Not sure if this is correct forum. Move if need be.

I highly suspect y'all going to hand me by butt in this thread. I am struggling with things and I admit that my thinking of late has been very skewed and bias. So, what I need is discussion to help me just grasp onto my thoughts.

Story (in a nut shell)

Dday1 May 2021 it is discovered spouse is having a long term very deep emotional affair. This is online, on the phone, zooming, video taping, she got to go through my home via phone camera, etc etc. She knows alot about me and my privacy. WH confess after affair is spilled He loves her (I can not unhear this). He lived with her in this life as declared committed partners, rings, home... Takes 3 months to discover "Limerence" and oh boy he holds tight to this as it all is limerence. This affair kicks of in a game called Second Life. I get a lot of rug sweeping and trickle truthing.

Dday Sept 4 2022, I find a 30 minute video online with him and AP on this game dancing and him declaring his love. He finally tells me all, he has spent the all of our marriage as a sex addict with years and years of porn and sex chat rooms with other women. For 23 years he never once had anything more then one night stand with women online. Until her.

I get he has a SA he is now in SAA and getting IC. He is addressing it.

It is the long term EA he has had with this woman who he opened our home to, who he met online and according to him 3 times a week had sex with her, either in Second Life or Phone call, zooming. This does not count the additional photos they exchanges, videos or the 6- 8 hour a day 5 days a week they spent together as his work & home life suffered. I figured he had at lest 100 sexual experience's with his long term AP. He admits to having sex at least 3 times a week with her. He currently blames his SA for this and imo rug sweeps as he doubled down with her when I was initially suspicious before DD1. I do not buy it was Limerence for that length of time and involvement, as he claims now. Limerence vs love is really for another discussion.

The Issue

I now know who this person is, her name, the area of the city she lives in in her country. Her job, her tutoring. The schools she attended. I have a youtube video of her being interviewed as he mother was locally famous. She AP is also somewhat locally famous and has a small paragraph in their countries version of Wikipedia.

If I tell others her name and share her info I am told I am doxing her. Yet she crossed over the line having an affair with my husband, going through my home, zooming with him in my home and not keeping it in the anonymous game. Begging him to met up with her and loads of other stuff.

If I caught them anywhere else but the laptop and placed a billboard sign in her neighborhood no one would say much. But since it happened with a computer or started there, she can not be exposed? I am told I am doxing. I don't get that. Didn't she run the risk sending videos of her doing things? sending nudes? Isn't there an argument then when she sent pics and videos she distributed them and thus abandoned a right to Privacy? Were they not given away? She sent these videos and pics to a computer we both own. I just do not understand the mine set that she needs to be protected here. That she has privacy rights? Excuse me? Help me understand this. I see this as exposing a mistress.

5 comments posted: Tuesday, November 15th, 2022

Doxing vs Expsoing. (moved to General)

  This Topic has been moved to General

0 comment posted: Tuesday, November 15th, 2022

Doxing vs Exposing.

Yeah, it's not the same thing at all. Exposing an affair generally would mean telling the AP's partner and whatnot.

Putting things publicly on the internet absolutely is doxxing. No, people aren't "asking for it" when they send videos. That's the kind of justification people use for revenge porn, which is illegal.

You do not abandon your right to privacy when you give someone nudes or other personal and private things. If they then go and spread them around, in some jurisdictions they can be charged with a crime. Sensitive things like that are given under the expectation that they are only for the person they were given to.

She may have done awful things, but she's still a human being with basic human rights. What are you trying to accomplish by giving out her info to people who don't know her? What do you actually think you're exposing? If people don't know her there's nothing to expose. I can't see anything other than harassment as a possibility. If you want to tell people who know her, go for it (not sharing those sensitive photos though again). But once you start inciting harassment by strangers, you're way across the line.

[This message edited by PSTI at 12:33 PM, November 16th (Wednesday)]

0 comment posted: Tuesday, November 15th, 2022



Been away for awhile as Dday2 was so overwhelming.
I am still not in a good mental place.
However, I am at a point where one word describes all that I am feeling "De-Valued".
Everything between us has been so Devalued by his affair. My value to him was de-valued, our marriage, truth, love.
I think I have hit bottom and see how little value he saw in us.
I do not know what to do, I feel stuck.

9 comments posted: Tuesday, November 15th, 2022

and the lies continued.

Just found out a week ago WS lies just continued. I am just so confused and numb. He wants to continue R, I am just numb.

11 comments posted: Sunday, September 11th, 2022

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