My son, the one who is in so much trouble (out on bond) for robbing a bank… He was arrested last night for stealing a car a few days back. He called me from the room where he was talking to the detective. He was completely hysterical.
He just kept asking me, "Mom, do you think there’s any hope for me? Is there anything good inside of me?" I thought I might die.
He called back a couple of hours later and said that his bond had been tripled, because he committed this offense while he was on bail for another offense. His bond is now set at $111,000, so posting bail would be $11,000.
We have it, but would be taking money out of our savings that is supposed to be for the rest of our lives. Also, I have to think what would happen if he decided he was too scared to show up in court, and we had to pay the full $111,000.
I know it is probably ridiculous for me to post this. I know that probably 100% of any responses will say that I should not post bail for any reason. That I’m a hopeless enabler, and that I am hurting him.
He says he stole a car because he got into fight with his girlfriend, and she asked him to leave. And he has just gotten a good job and he’s so excited about being able to work hard and provide for his son and family. He’s wanting so badly to prove to everyone that he can be a better person.
But I also know that he tends to panic, And make bad choices.
While we were talking to him from jail earlier this evening, I put his father on the phone, because I was feeling like I was going to get hysterically upset. After talking to my husband for a little bit, my son started getting upset. I needed to leave the room for a minute and told him he needed to talk to his dad. I could hear him tell his father that he didn’t want to talk to him, that he would rather talk to me. He said that he knew that his dad didnt mind him staying in jail.
When I heard that, I stormed into the room and told him that he would not talk to his father in that way.
He kept calling me and calling me back from the jail. When I finally answered, I went off on him. What an unkind thing for me to do. While he is at one of the all-time lows in his life, I should have not done it. But I told him that I would not tolerate him talking to his dad in that way. I told him that he might choose to treat his father that way, but I was not going to allow him to treat my husband that way. He kept talking, so I hung up on him.
After I finish speaking to my son, I went in and yelled at my husband for a while. I told him that I would give ANYTHING in the world to have someone stand up for me like I just did it for him to our son. Crickets.
Come morning, he will be calling me again… Several times a minute if I don’t answer. He is more scared and more upset than I have ever known him to be. He keeps talking about his son. He keeps saying that if they give him a lot of years in jail, that he won’t get to see your son and he doesn’t think he can live through that.
He tells me he will do anything. There is a program in our town called a "man of valor" that is a residential facility for men involved with trouble with the law. Even said that he wants to go there. He wants to do better. But he panics when he thinks that he can’t be the man that he wants to be.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how I can value money over my son. But I also don’t know how I can risk a big chunk of our savings/investments when I know that he is panicking.He panics about going to court and facing his punishment for these things, I’m afraid he might decide to flee.
If he goes to jail for years, it is very possible that he won’t have two parents when he gets out.
I’m just so very scared.