Newest Member: Armyman9196

Off Topic :
How much is one person supposed to deal with??

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 HFSSC (original poster member #33338) posted at 4:45 PM on Thursday, October 7th, 2021

Y’all, I wish I was making this shit up. It does not seem possible for one person’s life to have so much crap. And I promise, I’m no drama Queen.

So my mom is apparently meaner than COVID and is fully recovered. Daddy, who tested positive but was really not symptomatic, has lost 25 lbs and is just not eating. So we are making decisions about possible hospice for him.

And today I’m in the ER with my almost 30 yr old ds who has epilepsy. He had 2 seizures yesterday and hasn’t kept anything down since Tuesday. He is getting some IV fluid and seizure meds. He had not had a really bad seizure in a couple of years and had one yesterday that lasted close to 2 minutes.

JM is having major surgery next month for an ear problem that could potentially lead to a brain infection.

And I found out yesterday that there is nothing else but surgery that could help my foot/ankle arthritis. I have 4 or 5 joints that are bone on bone. But I can’t even think about surgery right now.

Y’all, I don’t have any reserve left. I’m trying to take care of myself but the hits just keep coming.

Me, 54
Him, 45 (JMSSC)
Married 24 years. Reconciled.

posts: 4616   ·   registered: Sep. 12th, 2011   ·   location: South Carolina
id 8691985
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Jeaniegirl ( member #6370) posted at 6:36 PM on Thursday, October 7th, 2021

HFSSC, I am so very sorry. You have such a load to carry, It's a crazy world right now, never heard of so much stress, illnesses and sorrow. I almost had to smile when you said your Mom was meaner than Covid. Had my Mom lived another year, she would have been that way. "Outmean the virus." Sure hope you can get some help for your Dad.

And not just Covid but madness. We've had three senseless murders near me in the last month, Sometimes I feel like Zombies have taken over. I've never seen such road rage and angry people.

I hope you get a break soon.

"Because I deserve better"

posts: 2865   ·   registered: Feb. 1st, 2005
id 8692008
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 HFSSC (original poster member #33338) posted at 6:56 PM on Thursday, October 7th, 2021

Ds is being admitted to the hospital. His labs showed kidney function abnormality that could be from dehydration but could also be something more serious.

Me, 54
Him, 45 (JMSSC)
Married 24 years. Reconciled.

posts: 4616   ·   registered: Sep. 12th, 2011   ·   location: South Carolina
id 8692013
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DragnHeart ( member #32122) posted at 7:35 PM on Thursday, October 7th, 2021

Im so sorry HFSSC!!! You definently have a ton of shit going on.

I took Little M to the developmental pediatrician today only to be referred to a pediatric cardiologist. That doctors office called as soon as i got home wanting to book her in asap.

Like OMG! shocked

I am glad your mom kicked covids butt. Prayers for your dad and DS

And hugs for you.

Me: BS 44 nowWH: 35 almost 36 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons.Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that.Full disclosure March 8th 2019 four AP's.

posts: 22087   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8692020
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 8:13 PM on Thursday, October 7th, 2021

HFSSC…. What a full plate. Actually you have a few full plates and they are all spinning.

I’m happy about your mom, and so sorry for all the other challenges. Please make sure you don’t back burner your ankle to where it gets worse.

Sending mojo to you and your family for speedy and successful recoveries.

Me: BS 54 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA
Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 4240   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8692025
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number4 ( member #62204) posted at 8:14 PM on Thursday, October 7th, 2021

So sorry to hear about all of this. I just can't even imagine this happening to someone who doesn't have the ability to be a health advocate for themselves and their loved ones. Your knowledge is a gift here.

Your dad has certainly been through a lot in the last few months, and it sounds like he is just tired of being strong. He has that right, as long as it's not something that can be easily treated (and I don't mean a feeding tube).

Am hoping they discover that your son's issue is something as easily treatable as dehydration, and nothing more serious.

You know the logical reason for triage, and that's what you have to do right now, and let go of stuff you can't do anything about for the time being. Hopefully next week will look different to you.

Hang in there, and vent away.

Me: BW
Him: WH
Married - 30+ years
Two adult daughters
1st affair: 2005-2007
2nd-4th affairs: 2016-2017
Many assessments/polygraph: no sex addiction
Status: R

posts: 835   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2018   ·   location: Southern California
id 8692026
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PricklePatch ( member #34041) posted at 5:27 AM on Friday, October 8th, 2021

You can’t make that stuff up! Will pray for you and your family.

BS Fwh

posts: 3061   ·   registered: Nov. 28th, 2011
id 8692075
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WhatsRight ( member #35417) posted at 3:47 PM on Friday, October 8th, 2021

Sorry....double post

[This message edited by WhatsRight at 4:02 PM, Friday, October 8th]

"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy

posts: 7214   ·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2012   ·   location: Southeast USA
id 8692218
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WhatsRight ( member #35417) posted at 4:01 PM on Friday, October 8th, 2021

I am so very sorry about everything happening in your world. When we get into these kind of positions, it’s not that we want to make it about us, but everything around us having to do with our loved ones affects us.

You’re just going to have to do what you have to do to be the best help and support for those around you that you can possibly be. Which I KNOW you are already doing. And I totally get it that sometimes we feel like we don’t have anything more to give.But we usually find a way.

Be sure to take care of yourself however possible, because you are so worth it! And if that is not a good enough reason for you, as I try to tell myself, I have to put on my oxygen mask before I can help others.

Being overwhelmed like this it’s so taxing.

You and your family are certainly in my prayers!

"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy

posts: 7214   ·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2012   ·   location: Southeast USA
id 8692223
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 HFSSC (original poster member #33338) posted at 5:44 PM on Friday, October 8th, 2021

Thank you all.

He has a very large kidney stone. I haven’t seen the hospitalist or anyone from urology/nephrology yet today. So I don’t know how they are going to manage the stone.

The kidney stone was caused by one of his three seizure medicines. So they will not be starting that back and will be trying something new. So I’m praying he won’t have any more seizures while that’s being adjusted.

After being in the ER since 10 am yesterday he finally got moved into a regular room. Yay 😂

Me, 54
Him, 45 (JMSSC)
Married 24 years. Reconciled.

posts: 4616   ·   registered: Sep. 12th, 2011   ·   location: South Carolina
id 8692252
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 6:14 PM on Friday, October 8th, 2021

Well let's hope they can zap that stone and get him back on the right path.

One consideration with your dad. Did he lose his taste? Is that why he may not be wanting to eat? We are seeing a lot of sudden weight loss in the elderly that get it. We are encouraging High protein Ensure, and up to 4 a day if not eating. Just a thought.

Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 21 &23
Married for 28 years now, was 16 at the time.
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 18985   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 8692258
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Lionne ( member #25560) posted at 7:49 PM on Friday, October 8th, 2021

I am so sorry and reiterate that I wish I was a neighbor who could help in person.

I'm holding you and your loved ones in the "LIGHT." You are one of a few that is ALWAYS on my light list.

Please reserve some energy for your dear self HFSSC..

Me-BS-65 in May<BR />HIM-SAFWH-68<BR />I just wanted a normal life.<BR />Normal trauma would have been appreciated.

posts: 8408   ·   registered: Sep. 18th, 2009   ·   location: In my head
id 8692273
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 HFSSC (original poster member #33338) posted at 11:03 PM on Friday, October 8th, 2021

Much better outlook this evening.

The hospitalist came and over as wonderful. Spent quite a bit of time explaining everything and listening to us. Putting together a timeline, I understand what happened.

Important thing for me to always remember— ds does not complain. About anything. He doesn’t want to be a bother and is pretty much just over having a lot of attention due to his medical issues.

As I mentioned earlier, one of his seizure meds can cause kidney stones/damage. JM generally stays on top of him about keeping hydrated. We were out of town Monday for a dr appointment for JM and ds was doing some work outside. He worked outside on Tuesday also and SC is hotter than Satan’s butthole even in October. DS told me yesterday that he’d been up all night on Tuesday night with his back hurting. Pretty sure that stone was either moving or was obstructing something that night. A combination of sleep deprivation and dehydration triggered the seizure. And then the seizure caused his muscles to dump a lot of noxious chemicals and the combination of the physical trauma, dehydration and muscle breakdown just overloaded his kidneys and shut them down.

So… the medicine should be washing out of his system now. The stone is in a place now that is not causing him any pain and is not obstructing urine flow. So they want to allow his kidneys to heal before they consider any intervention for the stone.

The goals now are for his kidney function labs to return closer to the normal range, for him to tolerate a regular diet and meds by mouth, and to get a few doses of the new seizure med on board before he goes home. The new med is, of course, crazy expensive and requires prior authorization. So hopefully he will get started on that tomorrow.

It’s been a scary couple of days.

TN, I have thought the same thing about my dad and his sense of taste. He’s not able to express that, even if I ask him, but it makes sense to me. And he typically will drink the ensure.

I’m very grateful for all of you who take time to respond and think of me and my family.

Me, 54
Him, 45 (JMSSC)
Married 24 years. Reconciled.

posts: 4616   ·   registered: Sep. 12th, 2011   ·   location: South Carolina
id 8692302
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zebra25 ( member #29431) posted at 11:13 PM on Friday, October 8th, 2021

Glad things are better with your DS.

Continued prayers for you and your family.

"Don't let anyone who hasn't been in your shoes tell you how to tie your laces."

D-day April 2010

posts: 2467   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2010
id 8692304
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gmc94 ( member #62810) posted at 12:28 AM on Saturday, October 9th, 2021

thanks for the update - rooting for some better luck :)

M >25yrs/grown kids
DD1 1994 ONS prostitute
DD2 2018 exGF1 10+yrEA & 10yrPA... + exGF2 EA forever & "made out" 2017
9/18 WH hung himself- died but revived

It's rude to say "I love you" with a mouthful of lies

posts: 3441   ·   registered: Feb. 22nd, 2018
id 8692316
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number4 ( member #62204) posted at 3:39 AM on Saturday, October 9th, 2021

Glad the hospitalist brought you a solid plan to move forward with. Hope you all get some good rest tonight!

Me: BW
Him: WH
Married - 30+ years
Two adult daughters
1st affair: 2005-2007
2nd-4th affairs: 2016-2017
Many assessments/polygraph: no sex addiction
Status: R

posts: 835   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2018   ·   location: Southern California
id 8692336
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 HFSSC (original poster member #33338) posted at 5:04 AM on Sunday, October 10th, 2021

DS is home!! And I’m happy.

His numbers dropped to almost normal today. He texted me that the doctor came in and was going to send him home. This was about 4:30 and the hospital is over an hour from our home, so I was a little surprised. I called to speak to a nurse or discharge planner and the nurse told me he didn’t have any discharge orders. So I figured ds had confused something the doctor told him. DS22 and I packed a few things and headed down to visit. When I got there, the nurse said “Give me just a few minutes and I’ll have his discharge instructions ready.”

Um, what?? She said the doctor had put the order in at 5:30 pm. They have a retail pharmacy in the hospital so I went down to pick up his meds. All they had was a laxative. So I questioned about the new seizure medicine and was told the prior auth was pending. Ummmm, well I am not taking my son home on inadequate medication. So I went back up to his room. The nurse called and I was able to speak to the attending. This guy was absolutely awesome. He said he was calling the neuro on call and would get right back to me. Next thing I knew the neurology resident came in the room. This was going on 7 pm. He was so reassuring and apologized for the communication breakdown. He wrote for another med to protect ds from seizures until the PA could be arranged on Monday. Actually gave us a 5 day supply, as well as another rx for the rescue med we keep on hand.

So we made it home about 9:15 pm. I’m happy to have him home and I know they needed the bed because we were in the ER for over 24 hours waiting for a bed from Thursday to Friday.

He’ll be seeing urology as an outpatient in the next week or so to decide what to do with the boulder in his kidney.

What a week. Can’t wait to see what comes next.

Me, 54
Him, 45 (JMSSC)
Married 24 years. Reconciled.

posts: 4616   ·   registered: Sep. 12th, 2011   ·   location: South Carolina
id 8692475
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DragnHeart ( member #32122) posted at 1:45 PM on Sunday, October 10th, 2021

Thank you for the update. I am glad he is home and that the doctors were so helpful.

Are you taking care of YOU through all of this.??

Me: BS 44 nowWH: 35 almost 36 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons.Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that.Full disclosure March 8th 2019 four AP's.

posts: 22087   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8692499
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 HFSSC (original poster member #33338) posted at 4:12 PM on Sunday, October 10th, 2021

Are you taking care of YOU through all of this.??

I am doing my best. I slept half of yesterday before I went down to the hospital. JM has been wonderful in stepping in. I wanted to say he made me go home, but that’s not it at all. He stepped in and I knew that I could trust him with this. He loves C with his whole heart, even when they butt heads.

But here’s where the infomercial would say, “But wait!! There’s more!”

You may or may not remember that C had a psychotic episode 3 years ago. He had a very disturbing and specific delusion and he had to be hospitalized for 2 weeks while they got him stable on his meds. There was no way to know if this would be a one time psychotic break or something permanent. He was weaned off the antipsychotic just as COVID started ramping up last year and he’s done fine until last night. When I got to the hospital he said something about needing to go back on the antipsychotic. I asked him what was going on and he snapped at me “What do you think is going on? All those feelings are happening again.”

My research at the time this happened in 2018 seemed to indicate that schizophrenia and other psychotic disorders can be triggered by or are accompanied by abnormalities in the temporal lobe. That’s where C’s epilepsy is centered. That previous episode also occurred during a time of overwhelming family stress after JM came back from Nicaragua.

So tomorrow, I’m going to call the psych team he saw previously. Hopefully getting back on the meds will manage this without him needing to be admitted again.

My poor boy. I know he’s almost 30 (tomorrow is his birthday) but he functions at about a 12-14 year old level. He is generally sweet and doesn’t complain about anything. When he gets snappy or cranky it’s only because he is miserable with something. He’s endured so much in his life but even in the hospital he was trying to cheer his roommate up, sharing scripture and praying for him.

Me, 54
Him, 45 (JMSSC)
Married 24 years. Reconciled.

posts: 4616   ·   registered: Sep. 12th, 2011   ·   location: South Carolina
id 8692516
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