WW: "I don't really want to go back to this job, but it's my best chance at making some money, and I only did it because of when you said you were going to spend all the money and divorce me with nothing."
Which is a potential consequence she mentally weighed before hopping into the sack with some random dude on vacation. And that didn't stop her doing it.
WW: "Well I can't just quit now after going through all this and getting hired."
"I want to do what I want to do and I don't care what you feel about it."
WW: "You think I'm going to cheat again?"
Answer 1: "Yes."
Answer 2: "You've done nothing to show me that you have fixed what made you cheat on your husband in the first place, so yes it is a worry."
Answer 3: "Does a bear shit in the woods?"
WW: "So you've given up?"
HCSDI, what exactly are you fighting for here? She has been awful to you. AWFUL. Her behavior to you has been appalling. And here again - it's about her being butthurt that you're not acting the way she wants you to.
WW: "You just want me to grovel. You want me to always be unhappy."
Again - all I see here is wahwahwah mememe, poor meeeeee.
WW: "So you don't see any effort on my part?"
WW: "You're missing the whole relationship aspect of things. I can't be what you need when we're not close, and I can't get close when you push me away"
Once again - pooooor poor wittle MEEEEEEE whawhawha. And what does that even mean "the relationship aspect of things"? Did she "miss the relationship aspect of things" when she was monkeypiling with a strange dewd? I would say so.
WW: "Well if you would get closer to me..."
Once again. All. about. HER.
WW: "Well I don't always think about it"
Yes. Because clearly her first thought is always HERSELF.
WW: "Well I'm not going to cheat while I'm away. I want to fix things but I don't know what it is going to be like and I don't want to promise anything I can't deliver"
I've said it before HCSDI - she did all the work and put in loads of effort into this job, and has done less that the bare minimum for YOU. LESS than minimum. And she is right - she can't deliver. She hasn't yet. And she likely won't ever.
WW: "Well what do you want?"
I ask this in all seriousness - does she have some form of brain damage? Or amnesia? You have told her this how many times in the last 10 months?? Is she not capable of googling? Or of reading How to help your spouse heal and extrapolating that into some sort of action??
HCSDI - I know how hard objectivity is with your spouse. I struggled with it too believe me. But what you see as hopeful and positive, I myself see as more whining, more blame shifting, more selfish and self-serving drivel from someone who simply doesn't care about anyone but herself. And before you ask - yes I was exactly the same about my xwh. Like taking the teeeeeeeny little crumbs of decency he gave post dday and doing my best to make a cake with them. But what he was doing wasn't enough. And the hard cold reality I had to accept was that he was just not capable of doing the work to fix things. That realization hurt, but accepting that also freed me.
I see so much of myself in you my friend. I did the same dance after dday. I felt the same fear about being... "too" whatever and "pushing him away". I did the same pick-me two step. I accepted the same sorts of blame from him about how I didn't "do" before dday. I did the same trying to make up for all my past 'sins'. But here's the thing. Was I a perfect wife? NO. I wasn't. But I was a damn good one. I provided a nice home and lifestyle for him. I took care of his needs. I loved him the best and purest way I knew how. But what he did was all. about. HIM. It had nothing to do with me. I could have been the best wife in the universe and it still wouldn't have mattered and wouldn't have stopped him cheating. Because that was him trying to fix a hole in himself.
I get the thought, but 'comfort breaks'? Honey she can't comfort you (and more she doesn't want or care to). If she had any concern for your comfort, she would have done something to start fixing what she broke by now. If she cared about your comfort, she wouldn't be taking this job. And emojis? I'm sorry, but what? How on earth is an emoji going to do anything?
I found out the long way round that in order to get better treatment, I had to demand better. In my case, we divorced when I laid that out. But you know? I got out of infidelity. Because what I wanted and needed he was not equipped to provide. And that was okay - at least I knew that finally. It was relief to have some solid ground under me.
Keep processing hcsdi. Really pay attention to how you're feeling while she's gone. Really think about what life looks like with her out of the picture. If you are like me, then I know how scary that thought is. But you owe it to yourself to give it some serious consideration.