I would like to reiterate what I posted before on another thread of yours.
A WW who is truly all in on rebuilding the relationship her affair destroyed would not be leaving her H for 6 weeks and starting a new career that takes her away from him 5 of 7 days a week thereafter. That’s the last thing she’s be thinking about doing.
The fact that she is moving forward at warp speed to do exactly that tells me she is not very interested at helping you heal AT ALL.
Have you considered how it’s going to feel each day she is gone wondering which classmate she is flirting with this time? Do they all have their own rooms at this place? Are you going to be wondering who is visiting hers after she hangs up with you in the evening.
A truly remorseful WW, if she did have to go would go all out to try and put her BH’s mind at ease. Has she offered to start FaceTime with you right after dinner and keep it on til you wake up in the morning?
Has she offered to have you come with her and stay in her room with you? She’s proven herself untrustworthy. How will this time help her change that fact? How will you ever know that she’s not running into supply closets with classmates? I’m sure that’s not her intent but was it her intent when she cheated on you on her trip w your daughter?
A Truly remorseful WW would be focused on her BH and researching what it takes to rebuild a marriage.
Sure if she hadn’t cheated and wanted to start a new career this all would be fine. But she did cheat. And that changes everything.
She continues her wayward ways by only thinking about herself and what she needs to be happy. And I see very little to nothing about what she’s doing for the man she emotionally injured. She’s shot a bullet thru your chest and is letting you slowly bleed out, occasionally saying “what can I do?”
And if she comes up with something or you lead her to it she either says “oh I can’t/won’t do that” or “sure, let me see when I can fit that into my busy schedule “
I understand you are trying to be the good guy here, lead by example and somehow shame her into doing the right thing. But somone without shame cannot be shamed. You are playing only with yourself here, feeding off little kibbles she throws at you so you don’t realize she’s actually starving you to death.
To me, I’d tell her you are fully aware she’s mailing it in, doesn’t care about you one bit, the lack of effort or taking the lead on rebuilding is completely obvious and the fact that she’s essentially walking out of day to day life with you says everything you need to know.
In my opinion her taking on this new way of life will essentially end your relationship as you know it. I’d let her know you want a partner who is more involved, not more absent and that if she moves forward with this change, by essentially walking out the door, that you’ll be working to legally end the relationship her actions and choices have already destroyed.
Sorry, just how I see what is happening in your world. I fully expect you to deny and deflect what I have said. So please go ahead, let it fly.
[This message edited by Stevesn at 6:45 AM, July 19th (Monday)]