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Newest Member: Beschaedigt

General :
My wife cheated on me with her coworker. What now 2

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Linus ( member #79614) posted at 2:39 AM on Thursday, December 9th, 2021

So, your source of information re her reasons for cheating is your cheating XW? She told you these things, so they must be true? She described her willingness to drive a less valuable vehicle and live in a small apartment? Do think, just maybe, she knew these things were unlikely to happen had you remained married?

I am not saying she is a goldigger or trophy wife, just that it is impossible to tell if she wanted to stay married to avoid certain consequences vs truly loving you. I presume your love of your wife, as well as values and morals were the reasons you never cheated. I expect that is true for most of us who remained faithful.

If your wife loved you, why did she betray you, abuse you?

posts: 230   ·   registered: Nov. 21st, 2021   ·   location: Connecticut
id 8703141
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Bezuidenhout ( new member #79375) posted at 2:29 PM on Thursday, December 9th, 2021

If your wife loved you, why did she betray you, abuse you?

@Linus, This question was answered numerous of times. Go and read MrFibble's threads and stop opening old wounds.

posts: 22   ·   registered: Sep. 7th, 2021   ·   location: U.S
id 8703184
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Walkthestorm ( member #72157) posted at 4:14 PM on Thursday, December 9th, 2021

@Linus, I don't understand what you are getting at? I would imagine most people going through divorce have anxiety about finances and possible downgrade in lifestyle. I sure did. That does not mean that most people stay or want to stay married so they don't lose that comfy lifestyle. There is much more to life than living in a fancy house and driving a nice car. For most wealth is cherry on the top in life, not the goal itself. And just because a wayward lacks certain values does not mean they lack in others.

posts: 120   ·   registered: Nov. 26th, 2019
id 8703198
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Linus ( member #79614) posted at 4:20 PM on Thursday, December 9th, 2021

Just trying to be supportive of his decision to exit the marriage.

posts: 230   ·   registered: Nov. 21st, 2021   ·   location: Connecticut
id 8703200
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CuriousObserver ( member #78743) posted at 10:39 PM on Thursday, December 9th, 2021

Mr. Flibble,

Another perspective on the house could be, since money is not an issue, consider hiring a really good interior decorator to give the place a full facelift. It might do the trick and if not, you just got the place ready to sell. Food for thought anyway.

Listen to their words but believe their actions.
The power of a lie is that it is believed to be truth.

posts: 180   ·   registered: May. 3rd, 2021   ·   location: USA
id 8703259
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 MrFlibble (original poster member #76085) posted at 8:51 PM on Tuesday, December 21st, 2021

Linus, all that was at least touched if not fully answered in my thread. Look it up if you will

I just wanted to wish you a happy holidays and send some good thoughts to you all who are dealing with this right now. Take care

BS

posts: 317   ·   registered: Jan. 2nd, 2021   ·   location: Central Europe
id 8705345
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beb252 ( member #78948) posted at 11:04 AM on Thursday, December 23rd, 2021

Happy holidays to you too! Hope you're having fun spending time with your family.

posts: 404   ·   registered: Jun. 14th, 2021
id 8705606
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 MrFlibble (original poster member #76085) posted at 2:48 PM on Thursday, December 23rd, 2021

Thank you. Lots of back and forth but we are ultimately spending christmas eve together (just me, exW and kids).

BS

posts: 317   ·   registered: Jan. 2nd, 2021   ·   location: Central Europe
id 8705621
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MickeyBill2016 ( member #56459) posted at 7:34 AM on Tuesday, December 28th, 2021

So, how did it go..?

Good bad or indifferent?

9 years married.
13 years divorced.

posts: 1248   ·   registered: Dec. 17th, 2016   ·   location: West of the 405 North of the Mexican border
id 8706240
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 MrFlibble (original poster member #76085) posted at 10:55 PM on Tuesday, December 28th, 2021

Good, mostly. I believe my mild indifference has bigger impact on my exW than anything else. But I did good

I might post a proper report when and if I feel like it. Maybe some other day.

But thank you for checking on me

BS

posts: 317   ·   registered: Jan. 2nd, 2021   ·   location: Central Europe
id 8706326
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 MrFlibble (original poster member #76085) posted at 4:55 PM on Wednesday, December 29th, 2021

For anyone wondering, I am doing fine. Nothing significant to report which is a good thing I guess. I am still here, beating the crap out of life.

As I said, we ultimately spent Christmas together. And even though I had my concerns (and I voiced them quite loudly) it went well. I decided to take a friendly, albeit s bit stand-offish approach and it ultimately paid off. Triggers were scarce. No fights with my ex, no crocodile tears. Having kids around made things somewhat easier, too.

Lots of presents for kids (almost like we tried to shower them with gifts to ease our conscience), few for us (felt weird to not give her anything). Watched few Christmas movies, then kids went to bed. We stayed late cleaning up everything. Then she left.

That's basically it. No disastrous chain of events, sorry to dissapoint. I think this time of a year will always be hard, but I think we did good on our first try

BS

posts: 317   ·   registered: Jan. 2nd, 2021   ·   location: Central Europe
id 8706414
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LostOpportunities20 ( member #74401) posted at 7:16 PM on Wednesday, December 29th, 2021

Sounds like it went as well as could have been expected. It's wonderful that you both were able to make the kids the focus. If nothing else, they will know they are loved and safe.

Stay strong and keep moving forward, brother.

BH (late 40s)
WW (late 40s) EA 2008, EA/probably PA 2009

Confessed the first, I caught her the second.

Filing for D

posts: 191   ·   registered: May. 7th, 2020
id 8706428
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 MrFlibble (original poster member #76085) posted at 9:44 AM on Friday, December 31st, 2021

Thank you. There are few things that I would like to talk about, but I think I will probably open a new thread in new beginnings. Seems more fitting.

Wish you all all the best in upcoming year.

BS

posts: 317   ·   registered: Jan. 2nd, 2021   ·   location: Central Europe
id 8706666
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steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 1:01 PM on Saturday, January 1st, 2022

Happy New Year, MrFlibble.

I believe you've been doing quite well. You are connected to your xwife forever through your children. I've 3 daughters and 10 grandchildren. Birthdays, Christmas, events of the grandchildren keep us in contact. Your xwife and mine made choices that resulted in us making decisions we would never have made about our life. It is best, as you are doing, to have those times when brought together by family events to not have them be a battlefield. I pray 2022 is a good year for you and all of we betrayeds on SI.

BH(me)70; XWW 64; M 42 yrs
DDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14
LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW
"dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, lies
Separated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020

posts: 4705   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2014   ·   location: Canada
id 8706882
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Happenedtome2 ( member #68906) posted at 3:54 PM on Saturday, January 1st, 2022

Mr. Flibble - Glad to see you are doing well. Happy New Year to you and hoping 2022 brings you good things.

BH DDay August 2018 :https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=633451

posts: 509   ·   registered: Nov. 23rd, 2018
id 8706902
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 MrFlibble (original poster member #76085) posted at 4:51 PM on Monday, January 24th, 2022

Just wanted to stop by and tell you I am still alive. Nothing extra-worthy of coming here to report.

ExW is moving to her new house March 1st. It's further away than her current appartment but it's still pretty close. The market is bonkers around here (good 40% up in a year) so finding something at least half-decent was an uphill battle. 3 bedroom with a small garden, not exactly new, but it should do.

Kids are doing fine, albeit they had sick a lot lately which made it almost impossible to stick to our schedule.

Work's fine, too. I managed to switch to a part-time job without loosing too much of the income, which is great. 20% less stress for 5% less pay, that's a win if you ask me. laugh

As I said, overall score = 90% smile

BS

posts: 317   ·   registered: Jan. 2nd, 2021   ·   location: Central Europe
id 8711570
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iggyb ( member #74562) posted at 5:37 PM on Monday, January 24th, 2022

Glad you are OK MrF.

Things seem to be going well and I hope it continues.

Take care.

posts: 61   ·   registered: Jun. 10th, 2020   ·   location: UK
id 8711575
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Sanibelredfish ( member #56748) posted at 6:04 PM on Monday, January 24th, 2022

Glad you’re doing well, Mr. F!

posts: 789   ·   registered: Jan. 8th, 2017   ·   location: Midwest
id 8711579
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MickeyBill2016 ( member #56459) posted at 6:11 PM on Monday, January 24th, 2022

20% less BS for 5% less pay? That's a win.

Hope that 2022 is better than 2021.

9 years married.
13 years divorced.

posts: 1248   ·   registered: Dec. 17th, 2016   ·   location: West of the 405 North of the Mexican border
id 8711580
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 MrFlibble (original poster member #76085) posted at 12:45 AM on Tuesday, January 25th, 2022

20% less BS for 5% less pay? That's a win.

Not going to lie, I surprised even myself when I asked for it. Fully expected to be shot down. But what can I say.. it's nice to be appreciated. And it gives me whole other day to spend with kids. Awasome


I actually came back because I remembered I wanted to ask something. About a week ago I was picking up kids at my exw's, and I noticed a book on her coffee table. It had a box of matches on it's cover, and I believe it was by Esther Perel. I think it might be State Of Affairs, but the cover was a bit different (might be some other edition?)

Can you tell me what is it really about and is it worth reading? I know my ex was reading ANY book she could during our failed almost R, but I don't think I have seen this one. Would like to know if I should brace myself for new barrage or whatever

BS

posts: 317   ·   registered: Jan. 2nd, 2021   ·   location: Central Europe
id 8711634
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