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Happenedtome2

BH DDay August 2018 :https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=633451

Is she kidding?

I don't know how many times I've read that WS's become revisionist historians on this site, but I just got a dose of it.

I was just told that I am emotionally abusive and that WW has had to walk on eggshells around me for out entire marriage. I was also advised by the same WW that " no matter how we feel about each other, we shouldn't involve the kids " ...this from someone who had an EA with a borderline pedophile.
I've spent 16 years keeping a roof over this woman's head, never cheated, never strayed, provided for her and our kids, rarely raised my voice and I get told I'm emotionally abusive, Meanwhile she cheated, never let me talk about how it made me feel, threw away the actual work she put into R by hanging out with a crew of women who are actively cheating on their husbands (and apparently telling them what a shitty husband I am as one of them got mad at me one night and mentioned it)..... How do they not see how full of shit they are? Off to the lawyer on Monday....

12 comments posted: Wednesday, January 5th, 2022

Feeling Triggered

Have you ever just received way too much information at once and it triggers the hell out of you? I literally feel like everyone around me is cheating and they are all enabling each other.
My circle of friends is decreasing rapidly because my patience for cheaters and their BS is obviously at zero. Found out today that one of my closest friends cheated on his wife for months and just recently she cheated on him. My W knew about it and said nothing until today, I guess since it wasn't involving us she didn't think it was important. 🙄
Meanwhile it was a situation that sounded fishy to me to begin with because it was a "girls' night" so this a-hole shouldn't have even been there. Am so beyond pissed at everyone involved at this point. I want to just go move into a damned cabin in the woods and not know anyone.
Fn cheaters have no idea the damage that they do.
Apologies for any typos . Typing while pissed off and on phone....

10 comments posted: Monday, December 6th, 2021

R Has Come to an End.

The title says it all.

A couple of months ago I had posted that I thought I was done. I tried. I really did. I have come to the conclusion that I can't undo, overlook, repair or most importantly, live with what was done to me. It's been 3 years of work and in the past few weeks it's been no intimacy, no real talking outside of things with the kids and mundane crap. I don't want to start being a sleuth again even if nothing is going on. My energy is gone.


I am trying to gather my thoughts and envision the conversation , at least from my end. It is nothing angry, no more blaming, no more he said she said. I'm just tired of getting "that feeling" in my gut every so often, and I don't want it in my life anymore. I've had 2 days of feeling like crap about it and as I'm typing it and looking at it I am sick to my stomach, but it is the only and right thing to do for my sanity, my life and my kids.

I deserve better. I work hard. I take care of my kids and have done everything in my power to give my family a comfortable life. It's time for me to get out from under the cloud of the A. The D conversation almost happened last night as W was off unexpectedly, but I really wanted to have my thoughts in order. I don't know how she'll react. For all I know, she won't even care. Wish me luck. It will happen within the next couple of days depending on when we are alone for a bit.

19 comments posted: Wednesday, October 20th, 2021

A lot suddenly got unpacked....

I'm coming up on DDay anniversary (it's actually September technically but work is slow at the moment) and we've been in a good place...for the most part. I add the last part because 3 things happened in the last 2 weeks that I don't have an explanation for. No DDay or anything like that. The chronology is most recent to the first.

The most recent, which was last Sunday - W got angry with me because I mistakenly made plans that clashed with a family gathering. The gathering was not written on our schedule and I had completely forgotten about it. I canceled my plans and thought that was it. W didn't talk to me the rest of the night and next morning. I came home with our son and she was all "yeah". "no". so I said " what'd I do now? " Well, she lit me up about how inconsiderate it was and how I hadn't even apologized for making plans. My response was that there was nothing about it on the schedule and that I had canceled my plans. I inexplicably went Hiroshima and blurted " well you never apologized for the shit you did to me 2 years ago " (granted, she did eventually but that's in my original posts)

I couldn't believe I said it out loud AND with the kids nearby (we did not involve them other than at 1 point I had a bit of a breakdown and told my oldest that I might not be around as much ). I don't even know where that came from at that time. There was another 10 seconds or so of yelling, but that was it. I've never been a fan of arguing, especially in front of the kids ( I can count on one hand how many times that has happened) so I removed myself from the room.

A few days before that, W and I were talking about various things from when we were younger and she brought up when we had first dated (over 25 years ago at this point). We dated for about 8 months and I broke it off. Apparently it had a huge impact on her and she became depressed. She dropped a lot of information on me that at times I had suspected early in our marriage but was not confirmed regarding whether she had sought any kind of therapy or professional help. She confided that our breakup had really done damage at the time. I felt terrible while she was telling me but then it dawned on me that I had actually asked her mom if she had ever had to see anyone professionally and her mom said no. At that moment I tuned out of what she was telling me and told her that I had asked her mom this exact question years earlier and her mom had told me no. That silenced both of us and we didn't speak for the rest of the day.

Finally (or firstly) - All in all, I would say R has gone well. W has done a lot of work. She has kept me in the loop with even the most minute details of her life. We have engaged in more activities together, have taken impromptu outings, done things with and without the kids.....and yet there I was about a month ago..maybe a little less, walking the dog on what was a really nice day and I heard myself say out loud - "I think I'm done" ...meaning with my marriage. Nothing prompted it. There was not particular trigger. I hadn't even been thinking about it. It just came out of my mouth. Only one who heard it was the dog. It stuck around for a couple of days and then it was gone.

That's all I got. I don't have explanations for any of it, I'm not acting on anything....I think I just wanted to see it "on paper".....

28 comments posted: Saturday, June 5th, 2021

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