WhatsRight, you are a good person who does not deserve this. Like you I thought that meant, "Right! So it's not fair that people hurt me." But I was very wrong. Not deserving it actually means, "So you should not put up with it."
Listen to me because this is THE truth: people don't treat someone well because they are nice. They treat someone well because the person is not going to tolerate anything less.
He will never, ever, ever treat you well because you are good to him. He will only treat you well when you do not tolerate being treated badly. So do you deserve to be treated well? Then act like it. His words should not hurt you because you know who you are--a good, kind, loving, and strong woman. The words should bounce off of you like that nothingness they are. Let him say what he wants. Blah, blah, blah.
I agree with this premise,
IF, and only IF, one is dealing with deficient and/or damaged people.
Hurt people hurt other people.
That's what they are taught,
That's what they do.
Healthy people, and/or
Treat other people with respect,
Because those other people are,
It's not a zero sum game.
It's not a contest.
It's not a Cage Fight Death Match.
And if one finds oneself in a situation where mutual respect, isn't,
Healthy people move on.
I've seen it.
I've done it.
Unfortunately, I did not do that with Hubs, nor with his FOO, over *years* of disrespect.
Partly my bad:
Early years of imprinting and conditioning in abject disrespect from my own FOO.
An incredible pain tolerance from same.
Throwing, or attempting to throw, myself bodily into the breach between that bullshit and my babies. Mixed outcome on that. Officially No Longer My Problem.
Establishing and enforcing your own boundaries *does not mean* that people with the emotional IQ of a doorknob will respect you.
Here's the take home message:
Those people *have nothing for you, nor for scant anyone else, unless those other people are supplying copious and relevant ego kibbles.*
People who do not respect themselves were not modeled respect, nor boundaries, in their FOO.
Ergo they do not have even a modicum of a clue about how to respect, nor how to honor, other persons.
Looking for, needing, attempting to build respect on an empty shell of said person is, honestly, building a house on sand.
You'll be second guessing your footings for the rest of your life, IMHO.