Topic is Sleeping.
EllieKMAS (original poster member #68900) posted at 10:58 PM on Thursday, February 18th, 2021
So I am getting my master bathroom renovated - my guy was here today to go over final estimate and details and will be starting March 1.
I have picked out all my tile and things, got my vision in my head of what it's gonna look like and I think it will be really nice! Plus I am doubling my closet space (woo hoo), and will FINALLY be able to organize my shoes. I am so excited I can hardly stand it...
Just got me to thinking though. The bathroom in it's current state is a mess. There was a leak when douchewad was still here - his solution for it was as lazy as the rest of his life, he just flex sealed EVERYTHING. And while I was picking out my tile and stuff, it just made me remember the fights we used to get in whenever home renovation type things came up. I would always ask that we hire a pro, and xwh would get all pissy and snippy because he thought he knew how to do things like tile and drywall and such (spoiler alert - he didn't). Just so happy that I was able to hire a pro to come and do this project and pick out all the stuff to make it how I want and didn't have any of the tactfully tiptoeing around a tiny fragile little ego. Not to mention that my financial state is so much better not having someone sucking the life out of me and my checking account 
It's just one more little example of HOW MUCH BETTER my life is without him. Things like this hit me occasionally and make me feel almost unbearable gratitude that I am free of all the bullshit that came with him. And bonus! I don't have to share my closet with anybody 
"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger
"The love that you lost isn't worth what it cost and in time you'll be glad that it's gone." – Linkin Park
JanaGreen ( member #29341) posted at 4:19 AM on Friday, February 19th, 2021
Yay for new bathroom! That is quite exciting!
I remember marveling at all the closet space I had when X moved out as well!
Karmafan ( member #53810) posted at 7:48 AM on Friday, February 19th, 2021
Not to mention that my financial state is so much better not having someone sucking the life out of me and my checking account
Same! I was so worried when he left but didn’t realise how much money I would save by him simply not being there.
And the freedom of doing what you want when you want it with your money is..intoxicating
[This message edited by Karmafan at 1:49 AM, February 19th (Friday)]
Me 48 XWH Irrelevant D-day 23 Feb 163 amazing, resilient kids
You are not a drop in the Ocean, you are the entire Ocean in a drop
Throwaway999 ( member #72413) posted at 10:54 AM on Friday, February 19th, 2021
I would always ask that we hire a pro, and xwh would get all pissy and snippy because he thought he knew how to do things like tile and drywall and such (spoiler alert - he didn't).
This! In fact WH told me that this was one of the reasons he cheated on me. 🙄🙄🙄
Who the F**k cheats because they aren’t “handy” around the house? Crazy. I guess I was supposed to fawn all over him every time he completed something around the house...his solution to everything was “No more Nails” glue. And his solutions were always half fixed and half wrong. I even had an electrician tell me once that one of WH’s “fixes” was about to burn down our house....we were lucky it didn’t.
And I also know now he was with me because I was able to financially support his sorry ass.
It brings me joy to do things my way...my home...my choices....my decisions....my closet!
Congrats Ellie....you deserve this!
Me - BS Him -WS DDay1 - 2011 EA with AP1DDay2/3 - found out in 2019 about EA/PA same AP1 -4 yr LTA affair ended 2017DDay4 - found out about LTA with ex-wife
EllieKMAS (original poster member #68900) posted at 2:30 PM on Friday, February 19th, 2021
And the freedom of doing what you want when you want it with your money is..intoxicating
Guuuurrrrrl. I need to stop being drunk with the power I may have (read definitely DID) spend my feelings for a while. I have more clothes and shoes than is healthy! Is good tho. I am going to take the opportunity when my closet is emptied out to really go through and weed out old stuff.
Who the F**k cheats because they aren’t “handy” around the house? Crazy. I guess I was supposed to fawn all over him every time he completed something around the house...his solution to everything was “No more Nails” glue. And his solutions were always half fixed and half wrong.
And I also know now he was with me because I was able to financially support his sorry ass.
OMG me same! I apparently 'emasculated' him because I didn't fall all over his idea of doing an accent wall by covering it with vinyl plank flooring. (Note, I have VP on my actual floors and love it, but on the wall? ehhhh). Oh and I also 'emasculated' him because I wanted projects done a certain way 
Cus mine did that too - half-assed sloppy work, and I never liked when he would get that look in his eye cus just... NO dude.
"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger
"The love that you lost isn't worth what it cost and in time you'll be glad that it's gone." – Linkin Park
J707 ( member #63778) posted at 3:56 PM on Friday, February 19th, 2021
Flex seal? Most dudes use duct tape for everything! My brother actually used duct tape on his car tire to get him home one time!
Not to mention that my financial state is so much better not having someone sucking the life out of me and my checking account
We were always broke and in credit card debt. Always. But last month I made my last payment and am officially credit card debt free! I got a loan, made a plan and paid it off 1 year early. Amazing how that works out. Meanwhile I still get phone calls asking for the ex. She racked up so much debt and stopped paying. I kindly give them any and all info I have. Ain't my deal.
Throwaway999 ( member #72413) posted at 3:58 PM on Friday, February 19th, 2021
I apparently 'emasculated' him because I didn't fall all over his idea of doing an accent wall by covering it with vinyl plank flooring. (Note, I have VP on my actual floors and love it, but on the wall? ehhhh). Oh and I also 'emasculated' him because I wanted projects done a certain way Cus mine did that too - half-assed sloppy work, and I never liked when he would get that look in his eye cus just... NO dude.
Exactly! Poor babies...sorry for wanting jobs done right the first time. I always even told him it was okay not everyone is good at everything...and being handy was just not his strong suit. Apparently it was still not good enough for his self esteem. Not my problem...self esteem comes from within...not from external validation.
Me - BS Him -WS DDay1 - 2011 EA with AP1DDay2/3 - found out in 2019 about EA/PA same AP1 -4 yr LTA affair ended 2017DDay4 - found out about LTA with ex-wife
EllieKMAS (original poster member #68900) posted at 4:21 PM on Friday, February 19th, 2021
We were always broke and in credit card debt. Always. But last month I made my last payment and am officially credit card debt free!
Me too. I am not 100% debt free yet, but likely will be within the next 6 months. That's awesome for you J707!
"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger
"The love that you lost isn't worth what it cost and in time you'll be glad that it's gone." – Linkin Park
skeetermooch ( member #72169) posted at 4:37 PM on Friday, February 19th, 2021
So I am getting my master bathroom renovated - my guy was here today to go over final estimate and details and will be starting March 1.
I have picked out all my tile and things, got my vision in my head of what it's gonna look like and I think it will be really nice! Plus I am doubling my closet space (woo hoo), and will FINALLY be able to organize my shoes. I am so excited I can hardly stand it...
Exciting!
Not to mention that my financial state is so much better not having someone sucking the life out of me and my checking account.
Same here - stunned by how much cheaper life is without him.
Me: BS 56 on DDay 1 - 7/2019 DIVORCED - 1/2021
barcher144 ( member #54935) posted at 5:18 PM on Friday, February 19th, 2021
will FINALLY be able to organize my shoes.
and that is what is most important, right?
Me: Crap, I'm 50 years old. D-Day: August 30, 2016. Two years of false reconciliation. Divorce final: Feb 1, 2021. Re-married: December 3, 2022.
EllieKMAS (original poster member #68900) posted at 5:49 PM on Friday, February 19th, 2021
and that is what is most important, right?
Ummm, yeah.
Seriously tho - I have a LOT of shoes. Currently they are kinda all over the house, so it will be really nice to be able to organize them all in one spot!
"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger
"The love that you lost isn't worth what it cost and in time you'll be glad that it's gone." – Linkin Park
Outoflove2020 ( member #72682) posted at 5:57 PM on Friday, February 19th, 2021
I'm so pleased for you Ellie, being able to do your own thing in your own space and know that you are in that position because of you - amazing!
xWBF never did anything around the house. We couldn't make major changes as we rented, but all the decoration / furniture / homeliness, that was down to me. I always asked for his input, but he usually just went along with it. He now lives in an empty, bare walled house. Hasn't bothered making it feel like a home again since I moved out. Not even for his kids. Doesn't even have curtains or blinds in the living room. Exactly how it was when I moved in.
I, on the other hand, am planning on buying my own place this year, and am gleefully obsessing about colour scheme, furniture, decor, design etc. And it will be all mine.
DDay 1/15/2020.
Separated 3/1/2020
Still healing but in a better place
JanaGreen ( member #29341) posted at 7:21 PM on Friday, February 19th, 2021
I'm terrible at decorating, Outoflove. Right now my motif is "small kids live here." I need you to come pretty up my house.
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 9:31 PM on Friday, February 19th, 2021
stunned by how much cheaper life is without him.
This^^^ I actually can save money now!
fBS/fWS(me):51 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:53 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(21) DS(18)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Divorced 8/8/24
skeetermooch ( member #72169) posted at 11:08 PM on Friday, February 19th, 2021
Big shoe storage envy right now. I forget I have certain pairs because I don't see them shoved in the corners and piled on each other. Maybe someday.
Me: BS 56 on DDay 1 - 7/2019 DIVORCED - 1/2021
EllieKMAS (original poster member #68900) posted at 12:17 AM on Saturday, February 20th, 2021
Skeeter be jealousssssss
Like, I'm excited about a pretty new shower and stuff, but I. can't. fuckin. WAIT to have enough room to put all my shoes in one spot!!
OOL, my xwh was artistic too, but I definitely have the better eye. I've really been loving all my house projects this last year. Just kinda reclaiming my space. I've refinished a couple pieces that I know douche would have disliked my color choices (or sparkle choices in the case of my BLINDING new knobs I bought for my dressers) and it's been really freeing to let my creative side go wild without having to weigh someone else's opinions!
"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger
"The love that you lost isn't worth what it cost and in time you'll be glad that it's gone." – Linkin Park
BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 1:21 AM on Saturday, February 20th, 2021
Ellie — shoes were my medicine too! It’s embarrassing! And now I am wearing fancy shoes with joggers — b/c why the hell not? I hear my shoes crying in the closet wanting to be worn!
My ex WAS handy and could fix anything. But he NEVER NEVER EVER finished any project he started. We had our main bathroom out of commission for over 3 years!! I was not allowed to hire anyone. Oh, and with his temper, every time we worked on a project he would yell and scream and even cry if things didn’t go his way.
I do not miss that. (But I do miss having a handy person around. I had to fix the washing machine Saturday and I was not thrilled).
Yay for being Strong independent badass people!
Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)
**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **
Palmetto9213 ( new member #71217) posted at 3:06 PM on Saturday, February 20th, 2021
EllieKMAS-I did this too! I had the master bath gutted and renovated, new hardwood floors installed through out the house, entire interior painted to change the color scheme. The house once shared with my ex now feels like 'my home'....and it reflects MY tastes. The entire marriage, any decorating/improvement idea I suggested was met with the same type of reaction that you got from your asshat- are you sure they're not twins? LOL
Additionally, our financial stories mirror each others, and your statement that he was "sucking the life out of you and your checking account" really hits home for me. I am sooooo thankful that he is out of my life and that I have gained so much!
BS-59Y/O Female
WS-66 Y/O Male
Married 13 years
Divorce finalized 6-22-20
"Darling-that soft spot you have for broken things is going to make you bleed"....but I decided I was not willing to bleed to death!
siracha ( member #75132) posted at 11:39 PM on Saturday, February 20th, 2021
Thats awesome ! Bathroom renovation is so exciting . Takes alot or creative talent to be able to visualize something pretty in the grittiest of places and bring it to life
Bigger ( Attaché #8354) posted at 5:59 PM on Monday, February 22nd, 2021
I had 2 bathrooms renovated last year. The master-bathroom had been all done about 12 years ago but the guys that did it cut some corners and although it looked good we were having serious leakage issues. Turns out they didn’t but membrane or any water-sealant behind the tiles around the tub or shower. We suspected leaking maybe a year or so after they did the job but it got progressively worse so that for the last 2-3 years we had to do all sorts of tricks to shower without getting certain areas wet.
The reason I took those contractors 12 years ago was price. Plain and simple. About 18 months later when I tried to contact them they couldn’t be found. I guess both doing time or relocated or whatever.
Last year I got 4-5 quotes from contractors that could offer references. Took the one that got the best references despite him not being the cheapest. Talked to him about the membrane and asked that he show it to me before tiling. I then monitored and photographed each step to have a traceable account for insurance and claims if there was a repeat leak.
Great work and so far is holding up.
The bathroom is generally the most expensive room psf in the house, followed by the kitchen. The main cost tends to be in tiles, glue, appliances and furniture. That’s where I would focus on saving, not by buying crap, but with price-negotiations and bargaining. The work – difference between cheapest and most expensive last year was about 10% or about 5% of the total project.
One final thing: Once you select a contractor make him commit to when he will finish. The guys that tiled my master-bathroom 12 years ago made us wait nearly a week where they didn’t show up before installing the toilet.
"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus
Topic is Sleeping.
