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Newest Member: Arcangel

Divorce/Separation :
I am divorced!

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Muggle ( member #62011) posted at 5:34 PM on Monday, November 1st, 2021

No one ever tells you that divorce is expensive...BECAUSE IT'S WORTH IT! I'm happy for you if you're happy for you. Sometimes the money spent to appeal a decision isn't worth it. No guarantee's in a divorce, only the feeling you get when it's finally over.

Congratulations!

Me: 58 Him: 58 DD Feb 2018 (my bday) with woman she's been married 5+ times. He married OW he knew her 14 days. They're getting divorced after 2.5 yrs. I'm healed, karma delivered, he and I got counseling, and boundaries. Life goes on.

posts: 396   ·   registered: Dec. 29th, 2017
id 8696179
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 barcher144 (original poster member #54935) posted at 6:14 PM on Wednesday, November 3rd, 2021

I'm happy for you if you're happy for you.

I am definitely happier now than when I was with xWW. Aside from the affair(s), she was emotionally abusive even though I didn't see it at the time. Even better, it's clear that her emotional abuse was escalating over time... so I am missing out on a lot of emotional abuse these days.

Sometimes the money spent to appeal a decision isn't worth it.

Financially speaking, it was really close whether it was worth it or not. I mean, I have already "won" (i.e., they conceded that part of my appeal) a reduction in child support of $13 per month and a reduced amount of medical expenses. If that's the only thing that I win on appeal, then I would have spent $10-$15K to $156 per year in child support payments and about $500 per year in reduced medical expenses for my kids (based on 2021 medical expenses). Meaning, that "win" is not really a win, ya know?

Me: BH, age 48Her: WS, age 45 (multiple EAs and PAs)D-Day: August 30, 2016

Diagnosed with depression in December 2016, which was primarily caused by my xWW's affair and associated emotional abuse.

posts: 5279   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8696642
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 barcher144 (original poster member #54935) posted at 6:16 PM on Wednesday, November 3rd, 2021

Oh... in responding to Muggle... I forgot why I came to this thread today.

Super tiny update: Oral arguments for the appeal have been scheduled for December 15!

Me: BH, age 48Her: WS, age 45 (multiple EAs and PAs)D-Day: August 30, 2016

Diagnosed with depression in December 2016, which was primarily caused by my xWW's affair and associated emotional abuse.

posts: 5279   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8696643
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leafields ( member #63517) posted at 11:40 PM on Thursday, November 4th, 2021

That will be here in no time at all. Good news!

BW M 34years, Dday 1: 2/18, Dday 2: 8/19, D final 2/25/21

posts: 1169   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8696829
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ff4152 ( member #55404) posted at 12:02 AM on Friday, November 5th, 2021

You know Barcher, I keep expecting/hoping that one of your updates will include the report that the mother ship finally took your ex back home to stand trial in front of the intergalactic tribunal for crimes against mankind.

Sending you prayers for the 15th.

Me -FWS

posts: 1937   ·   registered: Sep. 30th, 2016
id 8696832
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 barcher144 (original poster member #54935) posted at 6:35 PM on Monday, November 8th, 2021

Thanks ff. I hope you are doing well.

To be honest, I am getting more and more confident that xWW is going to get run over by the karma bus. I honestly don't see how I can lose the main part of my appeal... and I think that it's likely that I will also win the secondary part of my appeal.

If I win this appeal, xWW is going to have some serious financial repercussions. She is going to have to pay me back for some of the administrative costs for the appeal (worth about $3000), the alimony that I have improperly paid her (probably about $6000, assuming that the ruling is next April-ish), excessive child support that I have already paid (about $1500), and excessive medical expenses that I have paid (about $1000). So, I am guessing that she is going to owe me about $10-$12K once this is resolved legally.

That's the good news.

The bad news is that she's a narcissist and I fully expect her to lose her mind when she gets hit with the karma bus. My best guess is that there will be a lot more parental alienation happening after that. This could get ugly.

Me: BH, age 48Her: WS, age 45 (multiple EAs and PAs)D-Day: August 30, 2016

Diagnosed with depression in December 2016, which was primarily caused by my xWW's affair and associated emotional abuse.

posts: 5279   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8697557
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Tigersrule77 ( member #47339) posted at 4:08 PM on Tuesday, November 9th, 2021

$10-12K, huh? That's about what the appeal cost you? And you'll save some money going forward right?

I hope it is all resolved quickly and in your favor. You've been through the ringer, and you're due for some good results.

posts: 1593   ·   registered: Mar. 27th, 2015   ·   location: Maryland
id 8697720
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 barcher144 (original poster member #54935) posted at 1:05 AM on Thursday, November 11th, 2021

$10-12K, huh? That's about what the appeal cost you? And you'll save some money going forward right?

Yes, although I am merely guessing on some of these numbers (especially on what it's costing me).

When I filed the appeal, I had no idea that she would have to pay me back for alimony that I have already erroneously paid her (i.e., assuming that I win). I also didn't know that in my state... there are some administrative costs for filing the appeal that the LOSER has to pay. I mean, I am the petitioner so I pay out of pocket, but if I win... they have to pay me.

My lawyer is an underpromise, overdeliver type of person but I wish she had told me these things while I was trying to decide whether or not to appeal. She estimate the cost of the appeal to be around $15,000, which is a lot considering that I am scheduled to pay $35,000 in alimony over 7 years. So... you can see that these financial details become pretty important if you look at this from an emotional detached, strictly financial perspective.

But... assuming that I win, this will be a big improvement for my financial situation in both the short-term (I'll get a lot of money back) and the long term (I'll pay less per month than I am now).

Me: BH, age 48Her: WS, age 45 (multiple EAs and PAs)D-Day: August 30, 2016

Diagnosed with depression in December 2016, which was primarily caused by my xWW's affair and associated emotional abuse.

posts: 5279   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8697944
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WhoTheBleep ( member #49504) posted at 1:09 AM on Thursday, November 18th, 2021

Dec 15 is in less than a month! That's great news. I love progress.

Been staying away from here for mental health reasons, but I had to pop in and see how you were doing.

I'm glad you are prepared for a narcissistic reaction from her. Protect yourself any way you can, and roll with the rest. These people destroy themselves.

I keep you in my thoughts, Barcher, as we both navigate this process.

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4399   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8698983
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 barcher144 (original poster member #54935) posted at 8:27 PM on Tuesday, December 14th, 2021

My appeal is scheduled to happen tomorrow. It's via Zoom, which is great because it's easier and cheaper (I don't have to pay my attorney to drive from her office to the court and back).

I emailed my attorney yesterday and asked if she needed anything else from me. She said that she's ready. She also said: If the court of appeals follows the law you win.. How's that for confidence?

Me: BH, age 48Her: WS, age 45 (multiple EAs and PAs)D-Day: August 30, 2016

Diagnosed with depression in December 2016, which was primarily caused by my xWW's affair and associated emotional abuse.

posts: 5279   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8704125
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leafields ( member #63517) posted at 8:51 PM on Tuesday, December 14th, 2021

Good luck tomorrow! Looking to hear a good report when you're ready to update.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: 2/18, Dday 2: 8/19, D final 2/25/21

posts: 1169   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8704131
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jadedangel ( member #26979) posted at 11:05 PM on Tuesday, December 14th, 2021

Good luck Barcher!

Divorced 2007.
EXWH died 2011
Remarried 2018!

posts: 677   ·   registered: Dec. 30th, 2009   ·   location: Central City
id 8704153
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bluewater ( member #9297) posted at 3:59 AM on Wednesday, December 15th, 2021

🤞

posts: 661   ·   registered: Jan. 5th, 2006
id 8704203
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 6:10 AM on Wednesday, December 15th, 2021

Good luck!

Me: BS 55 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 4788   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8704212
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Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 5:17 PM on Wednesday, December 15th, 2021

I'm late to your news, but chiming in to wish you luck!

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 38 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-38&34 12yo GS,9yo GD & 7yo.GD (DD38) and 10yo GD & 5yo GD(DD34). D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8863   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8704291
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 barcher144 (original poster member #54935) posted at 8:39 PM on Wednesday, December 15th, 2021

Thank you everyone

Court did not go as well as I would hope.

The judges did not seem to agree with any of our legal arguments, which was really weird. For example, they claimed that the judge made his decision for awarding her alimony based on the "marital standard of living" as if that was a vague term. My lawyer, correctly, responded that the standard of living is literally defined by her budget (i.e., her budget sets what her post-divorce life should be taking into account the standard of living while we were married). Somehow, that one judge seemed to think that was the wrong answer.

The other issue was my income for the purposes of computing child support. A substantial portion of my income is in question because it is not guaranteed and it is not a requirement of my job. That is, it's similar to overtime. The judges didn't seem to get this either. Basically, they said that the income was regular and they equated it to a bonus. In hindsight, my attorney should have said that it is not like a bonus because I have to work extra to get this income, whereas a bonus is simply a reward for doing your normal job.

Anyway... I'll find out in 90 days what they rule. If I lose, we're going back to court anyway because she's living with her boyfriend and that almost certainly disqualifies her from receiving alimony (especially considering she upgraded houses... her new house was ~50% more than the marital home).

Me: BH, age 48Her: WS, age 45 (multiple EAs and PAs)D-Day: August 30, 2016

Diagnosed with depression in December 2016, which was primarily caused by my xWW's affair and associated emotional abuse.

posts: 5279   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8704327
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WhoTheBleep ( member #49504) posted at 2:22 PM on Thursday, December 16th, 2021

Argh, this is the stuff that scares me about other people deciding our financial futures...they can misinterpret what the facts are. My fingers are crossed so hard for you, Barcher! I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure working overtime isn't required, correct? Come on, judges, please get this right!! Completely different from a bonus!!

I hope you are hanging in there and can put this out of your mind for a bit and enjoy these holidays. Good to know all hope is not lost, as she shouldn't be receiving alimony at this point anyway. Typical narcissistic scammer.

Thinking of you, Barcher. Looking forward to a positive update about this.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 2:22 PM, Thursday, December 16th]

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4399   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8704483
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 4:10 PM on Thursday, December 16th, 2021

Hope it isn’t as bad as you fear. Infidelity is such a $#(*#(#$ ongoing mess.

Me: BS 55 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 4788   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8704499
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 barcher144 (original poster member #54935) posted at 4:15 PM on Thursday, December 16th, 2021

I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure working overtime isn't required, correct?

You are correct but we needed to convince the judges that this pay was more like overtime than a bonus and I am not sure that my lawyer did that very well. The good news is that one of the judges clearly understood the problem and hopefully he can explain this better to the other judges.

Me: BH, age 48Her: WS, age 45 (multiple EAs and PAs)D-Day: August 30, 2016

Diagnosed with depression in December 2016, which was primarily caused by my xWW's affair and associated emotional abuse.

posts: 5279   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8704503
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leafields ( member #63517) posted at 4:40 PM on Thursday, December 16th, 2021

Well, not the news I was hoping to hear, barcher. Hope the discussion between the judges goes well for you.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: 2/18, Dday 2: 8/19, D final 2/25/21

posts: 1169   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8704507
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