My atty told me the kids don’t get to say no to visitation and I better have them ready at the time our papers say to have them ready....
My attorney has told me that I can't force my kids to come see me. She basically said that the kids get to decide.
So she spends her visitation without speaking to you.
I have them every Thursday and every-other-weekend. She has refused to come see me for several Thursdays, claiming that she needed to do her online driver's education class. We had plenty of time to get to my house (I live ~45 minutes away by car) but she didn't want to risk it, apparently.
The last weekend that I supposedly had her, she told me that she was going to a friend's house after school on Friday and then she stayed there the entire weekend (Friday and Saturday night). So, I didn't see her at all.... and even worse, neither did her mother. She did tell me to leave her $20 at her mom's house because it was officially my weekend and therefore I was responsible for paying for her fun time or whatever expenses.
This most recent weekend, she refused to come at all.
I'm not suggesting to give up, just try to attack it sideways instead of head on.
That's my current approach too. (my GF is the one who wants to go the legal route). I am trying to learn as much about parental alienation as I can and how to deal with it on a daily basis. One thing is to never stop trying with the child. So, she has several sporting events in the next couple of weeks and I will be attending those, even if she tells me not to come.
I was also able to find a "reunification specialist" and we haven't connected yet but I am doing to try that route.
What're the other twos thoughts on this? Does she not get along with the older one?
According to the other two, this child is basically angry all of the time at everyone.
The older daughter has also been affected by the parental alienation at times. In Fall 2019, I think, she refused to come to my place for my parenting time on a few occasions. There was also a lot of arguing about a year ago. Since then, though, things have been really good between us. I worked with her a lot on her driving. In contrast, there is at least one story of my ex screaming at this child for her driving... and it got so bad that my daughter had to pull over and change drivers because she was crying. This daughter also now has a job and her own money... so I think the stress from her mother is less because this daughter is now paying for things that her mother should be covering. The only time we "argue" is when she wants to pay for some of her stuff and I refuse because I am her dad and paying for those things is my responsibility.
My youngest has been seemingly unaffected by all of this. I have personally witnessed her do a number of things that easily qualify as parental alienation but they were so off-base that I think that he ignores her. For example, he gets emotional at night when he goes to bed -- it's common for me to stay in his room until he falls asleep. One night, he wanted to call his mom too, so of course I helped him do that. She proceeded to criticize me for not being with him when he was upset and wanted a parent in bed with him; I was able to hear this because I was laying in bed with him (i.e., 6 inches away from him). She used to try and convince him to be afraid of me, but that isn't working as far as I can tell. He regularly hands me a baseball and asks me to throw it at him repeatedly (i.e., we frequently play catch with a baseball).
You can take your child to counseling and family counseling when they are with you.
According to my attorney, I cannot do this and this is a line that I do not want to cross.
Ex-WW went to court in May 2019 and claimed that I was taking our daughter to medical providers without her permission. The first situation was therapy for this child... ex-WW gave permission at the time but the daughter didn't want to go (first appointment only) and then ex-WW claimed that I physically dragged her to therapy. The second situation happened when the daughter was afraid to ask her mother to take her to the doctor so I did... this didn't go well at court either.
Ironically, ex-WW now takes credit for that daughter's success in therapy. Ex-WW also spent a couple of hours on the stand at trial complaining that I never take the kids to their doctor appointments (although my attorney intelligently asked her if she would allow me to take the kids to the doctor and she was told "no").