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He's ramping up and I'm scared

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crazyblindsided posted 8/19/2020 16:43 PM

Today he found out I am transferring services to his name for the house we are in (his mother's house) and he absolutely lost his shit on me. Saying that he is mad that I didn't try to save the M and that I sabotaged it. Said "Ok Let's Play" I am shaking and crying at work. I was in a physically abusive relationship before this M and I'm really scared what he might do. Is being harassed by text while you are IHS sufficient to get a restraining order?

ArkLaMiss posted 8/19/2020 20:21 PM

Yes! Please call the police and a Women's shelter.

BearlyBreathing posted 8/20/2020 01:26 AM

Call the shelter and ask...sending mojo your way. Keep in touch here...

LadyG posted 8/20/2020 01:36 AM

Thinking back, in hindsight, I should have gotten a restraining order last June. Would have saved me from 12+ months of further abuse from WH and Co.

My WH took more than 5 months to transfer bills into his name after I moved out of family home. I couldnít cut Services off as my DS was living there and still does.

Sever ties as quickly as possible. I wish I had 🙏🏼

leafields posted 8/20/2020 08:14 AM

How are you doing today, CBS?

tushnurse posted 8/20/2020 10:00 AM

You need to talk to your attorney, and women's shelter, then go file an Order of protection and ask for an emergency order.

"Fear for my safety" Is the phrase you need to use.

Chaos posted 8/20/2020 10:12 AM

Contact your local precinct. They can best advise.

If you have a lawyer - contact for advise. No - get a free consult [so many out there have free consults].

And have a hotline on speed dial. Someone you know you can reach out to 24/7. It there if you need it and maybe will give you some sort of comfort just knowing it is an option.

crazyblindsided posted 8/20/2020 11:08 AM

Hi I guess I'm doing ok. I'm so happy I have a job to go to, to get away from him. I was told I can't get a restraining order unless he outright threatens me. Right now it is just a constant barrage of texts about how I gave up, how I sabotaged everything, how my expectations were too much, and on and on. I don't want to go to a women's shelter because I have animals I need to take care of. I just want him to leave me alone until I'm out of the house. My move in date is Sept. 9th and it can't get here soon enough and I still need to pack with all this madness going on.

I tried blocking on my iphone but guess the feature doesn't work. because I got more texts from him this morning. If he threatens me in any way or makes me feel unsafe at home I'm going to call the police. I've told my kids, friends, and my parents what is going on.

He is on a roll to paint me as the monster which is fine whatever I'm not responding. He is acting like a crazy person totally rewriting this to his benefit. What do I care. I don't care what his friends think of me anyways they are not my friends. His sister won't even speak to him and is strictly NC because she thinks he is crazy too.

He keeps on and on about the lack of sex and how could he be a nice person to me when that is going on that the reason he has been cold is because of the lack of sex. How do you have sex when you are repulsed by the person?

Wow just wow I will NEVER forget this experience.

crazyblindsided posted 8/20/2020 11:09 AM

Appointment with the mediator to file separation is tomorrow and we are supposed to be in the same room. This might not go well and my dad is ready to step in and hire a lawyer for me. I was trying to save money and be amicable.

EllieKMAS posted 8/20/2020 11:17 AM


I am so sorry you have this shit on top of moving stress, but you are in the homestretch girl. Keep your eyes on that goal and power through it!

leafields posted 8/20/2020 11:47 AM

Can you call the mediation place & ask to be in separate rooms? It may take longer as the mediator will have to go back & forth. If you explain the situation, they should be able to work something out.

Stay safe.

taken4granted posted 8/20/2020 12:04 PM

He sounds unhinged.

I got a lawyer who filed on my behalf. My ex was served and had 12 hours to get his personal items and get out of the house. He had hit me and given me a black eye in October 2017. I didn't get enough money together until March 2018 to file. He petitioned to get back into the house. Because I had witnesses to his yelling and erratic behavior, the judge denied him having access and the restraining order continued. It's still in effect. He is only supposed to be at the house for pick up and drop off times.

Just be very careful. Just because I had a restraining order, it didn't stop him from hanging around. Neighbors were calling me when they would see him at the end of my street. He always had an excuse of some sort for being there. But he was told by the police that he needed to move on and could park elsewhere for whatever activity he was doing.

This can be a really scary time, but if you can make it through this, hopefully, his attention will move on and leave you alone. Getting some distance between you will help you gain some clarity on what he's been doing.

pinkpggy posted 8/20/2020 12:32 PM

This is the reason I had to leave the home, I was continually harassed in my own house. Is there any way you can be the one to leave so you can just get out? I had the same issues, as soon as anything became real (like me transferring money out) the screws came off. They don't like to lose control.

OwningItNow posted 8/20/2020 16:33 PM

Have you read Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone With Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

The actual leaving and getting away from highly narcissistic people is the worst, most dangerous time. They can literally go insane with anger at what they perceive is your horrible, selfish, evil, cruel treatment of "poor, blameless" them. I mean, that is honestly the way they experience the whole thing; they are incapable of seeing their role. Their combined RAGE and need to CONTROL everything in life can turn into a toxic brew. They act out, get physical, obsess over your every movement. They experience this as "You will NOT get away with doing this to me!" In their broken minds, you are attacking them with your actions of leaving them. If they are uncomfortable or unhappy, it's YOUR fault. Always and forever. They will never, ever, ever see it any other way.

Sleep with one eye open.

maise posted 8/20/2020 16:38 PM

Wow to the mediation in the same room. Iím so sorry youíre experiencing this right now. Iím glad youíre close to the move out date. I donít have much advice just wanted to drop by and say Iím sorry youíre feeling scared and going through all of this, you are so strong. Last few steps and heís out. Youve come such a long way.


crazyblindsided posted 8/20/2020 16:51 PM

Have you read Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone With Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

I have not read this but am ordering and starting tonight. This is so exhausting

crazyblindsided posted 8/20/2020 16:53 PM

Can you call the mediation place & ask to be in separate rooms?

I am going to see if they can do this. He usually will not act out in front of a professional, but we shall see.

crazyblindsided posted 8/20/2020 16:55 PM

Thank You EllieKMAS, taken4granted, pinkpggyand
maise for the support. He is definitely unhinged right now!

siracha posted 8/20/2020 18:31 PM

I try to stay off these threads because they are such gut punches
You did everything right , keep moving on , hope he comes to his senses

[This message edited by siracha at 6:31 PM, August 20th (Thursday)]

betsy62 posted 8/20/2020 19:57 PM

I would take your father up on his offer to pay for an attorney for you.

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