Newest Member: Qashess

I Can Relate :
Betrayed Womenz Thread - Part 3

Topic is Sleeping.
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 6:26 PM on Wednesday, December 4th, 2019

Have fun, gmc!

I'm heading to the courthouse today because, apparently, I am the only grown up in my family. I have to take care of my brother's estate and get some clarification on my mother's even though I don't have a stake in either.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8477124
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crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 6:59 PM on Wednesday, December 4th, 2019

(((Chaos))) Oh boy I wonder why people do this? I guess it's easier to take their shock and awe out on the messenger?

I will never understand people that operate this way. Seems an awful lot like blameshifting to me and not focusing on what they need to.

I think you did a good thing. I hope your friend will see this in time. The WH well if he's remorseful maybe he will see it too.

fBS/fWS (me):48 Mad-hattered after DD1
XWS:50 Serial Cheater, NPD tendencies
Together 24 years, Married 19
DD(18) DS(15)
DD1 (2008) COW, DD2 (2012) MOW, False R (2014) Same MOW. DD3 (2019) Webcam girl

posts: 8041   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 8477153
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 8:25 PM on Wednesday, December 4th, 2019

Thank you all.

It's been a long few days in the Land of Chaos.

I actually spent parts of my lunch hour over the past few days researching the subject of exposure. I'm amazed yet sadly not surprised at the various professional type resources that advise one to STFU, mind one's own business and not tattle. Mind boggling I say!

The messenger is a convenient target.

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3269   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8477220
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WhyAgainWhyHer ( member #63795) posted at 9:37 PM on Wednesday, December 4th, 2019

I wish someone had told me, instead of me having to snoop and find out. I can't imagine NOT telling someone.

posts: 233   ·   registered: May. 16th, 2018
id 8477249
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 10:22 PM on Wednesday, December 4th, 2019

my WH was introduced to massage parlours by an old friend. Who went there regularly.

I did not tell his wife. Mostly because I have no proof and WH May deny it.

I haven’t seen either of them in years. And, This info is 10 years old. I imagine he still cheats and this would be seen as hearsay only.

I feel badly for not telling.

[This message edited by Tallgirl at 4:22 PM, December 4th (Wednesday)]

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8477277
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20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 2:06 AM on Thursday, December 5th, 2019

I have exposed a few, post and pre DDays. I was happy to blow up their crap

Surprise! WH was backing me up for it, but was cheating at the same time

[This message edited by 20yrsagoBS at 3:03 PM, December 8th (Sunday)]

BW, 54 WH 53
When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2102   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8477372
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 2:30 AM on Thursday, December 5th, 2019

I have never been in a situation of having to decide whether or not to expose.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8477390
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gmc94 ( member #62810) posted at 6:49 AM on Thursday, December 5th, 2019

When I was about 20 my BFF's boyfriend hit on me. I told her. She didn't speak to ME for more than a year (and we were never really close ever again). I'd do the same thing today.

For those who say STFU? My response is if someone were perpetrating a fraud upon you, swindling you, or embezzling $ from you - would you want to know?

And if so, then why is $ more important than your marriage?

M >25yrs/grown kids
DD1 1994 ONS prostitute
DD2 2018 exGF1 10+yrEA & 10yrPA... + exGF2 EA forever & "made out" 2017
9/18 WH hung himself- died but revived

It's rude to say "I love you" with a mouthful of lies

posts: 3373   ·   registered: Feb. 22nd, 2018
id 8477485
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northeasternarea ( member #43214) posted at 1:13 PM on Thursday, December 5th, 2019

Chaos, what happened to you is I think one of the reasons what people don’t say anything, especially when they have no proof, just suspicion. Hope everything calms down for you.

The only person you can change is yourself.

posts: 4263   ·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2014
id 8477565
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 2:12 PM on Thursday, December 5th, 2019

5 years ago today was dday2, the day my fch took a polygraph and passed after finally confessing to sex after 6 months of denials. I feel nothing.

Interestingly, I had decided on a 5 year plan. I was going to stay in my M long enough to figure out what I could do for work and wait until my youngest was older. I decided 5 years was a good number. My youngest would be 8, old enough that I would feel comfortable with him going to school if needed.

Other than getting my yoga teacher certification in 2016, I haven't done anything about finding job. Somehow, I managed to get myself a paying gig teaching yoga. I should get my first paycheck from that next week. Things are sort of falling into place without me doing anything except following my passion.

Going to the courthouse yesterday was pretty much a bust. The only thing I accomplished was determining that my name is not on the deed for my mother's house. I've got a few more things to do. I told my dad I would talk to a probate attorney and the DMV for him. He doesn't want his inheritance from my brother, but he won't do anything to waive it.

I understand. He's got other things to focus on. On top of prostate cancer, he recently found out that he may have colon cancer. He's having a colonoscopy tomorrow. If he has colon cancer, it might derail his prostate cancer treatment plan. He's upset about all of it, of course.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8477611
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DaisyAnne ( member #71434) posted at 3:24 PM on Thursday, December 5th, 2019

Chaos, what happened to you is I think one of the reasons what people don’t say anything, especially when they have no proof, just suspicion. Hope everything calms down for you.

Yes, absolutely. You did the right thing, even though it was the hard thing to do. ((hugs))

I also have never been in that situation and before being a BW, I would probably think I should mind my own business. But now I know that isn't the right thing to do.

Coco, I am happy to hear things are falling into place for you. Yay for a paycheck! I am sorry for all the family drama and your dad's cancer. :(

Last night was a bit rough. My FWH has been a bit quiet the past few days. He isn't the most patient person at times. Always checking in and doing the things to make me feel safe was getting to him. He says he completely understands that it is the right thing for him to do, and he will do it, but he was just feeling "off" about it and our whole situation. I get it, I feel the same way at times too. Wondering if this feeling going to last forever and will we ever fully recover. I reminded him, like I remind myself, how far we have come in the past 6+ months. We had a good talk and things are better this morning. Just another little dip in this rollercoaster I have been on.

On that note, I have been thinking how 2019 was the worst year of my life. I am looking forward to moving on, letting some things go and starting fresh in 2020.

Happy fucking Thursday womenz.

Me: BW - early 40's
Him: WH - late 40's
Married: 18 years, together 24
2 teenage children
Dday: 5/23/19
Reconciling

posts: 241   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2019
id 8477666
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 3:43 PM on Thursday, December 5th, 2019

Happy Thursday! And it's my Friday woooot!

I have been saying for months now that 2020 is the year of NO.

-No to doing things I don't want to do out of obligation.

-No to doing things that don't positively affect my life.

-No to putting up with less than I deserve.

-No to telling myself I'm not good enough.

-No to staying silent when people overstep my boundaries.

I am going for clarity in 2020. And part of that is getting comfortable with the word NO.

PS, 2019 can eat dicks. Just mho.

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3145   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8477674
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crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 6:45 PM on Thursday, December 5th, 2019

I'm right there with you Ellie! Saying 'No' is really freeing. Now I have to work on this one...

No to telling myself I'm not good enough

I really REALLy have to start working on not blaming myself for deciding to separate. I'm not sure why I keep doing this as I feel it halts my healing.

fBS/fWS (me):48 Mad-hattered after DD1
XWS:50 Serial Cheater, NPD tendencies
Together 24 years, Married 19
DD(18) DS(15)
DD1 (2008) COW, DD2 (2012) MOW, False R (2014) Same MOW. DD3 (2019) Webcam girl

posts: 8041   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 8477794
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 10:33 PM on Thursday, December 5th, 2019

Always checking in and doing the things to make me feel safe was getting to him. He says he completely understands that it is the right thing for him to do, and he will do it, but he was just feeling "off" about it and our whole situation.

Remind him that he's the one who created this situation. The reality that this is his life now is starting to hit him (I hope). He needs to own that he is the cause of all of it.

Where's SOS?

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8477953
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 10:37 PM on Thursday, December 5th, 2019

Ok, y'all, I'm concerned. The last time SOS posted was 11/22. Didn't she say her CH would be home for Thanksgiving? Nothing from her since right before that?

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8477956
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 1:23 AM on Friday, December 6th, 2019

Had an interesting afternoon...

Went to the OBYGN - needed to get an UID removed (sounds like a missile doesn't it).

So, I get in and they tell me that SHE the OB - I was elated, finally a woman... then I heard.... has a resident training with her.

Yep, so I had a 14 year old boy ask me about my vagina, for 20 minutes. When was the last time you had sex,? it was painful?. Was it painful before? Are you dry? Have you used lubricant? How often did you have sex before, did it hurt then too. OMFG. How many pregnancies have you had come to term? I named my pregnancies son 1 and son 2... and this This kid just couldn't understand that I have had sex once in 11 years. This was at least 5 minutes of questioning.

Geez... so I then had hopes. Hopes that only SHE would come in and do the internal. NOPE.

So ladies, I had 2 people poking around in my vagina for 15 minutes (longer than WH ever did) , and I did not have one single organism.

Not even a little ooooohhh.

Poor freaking kid. When he was doing the internal I asked very intensely - are you sure this is the career you want?

I seriously felt like I may have scarred of him. or maybe even scared him...

I was told that I need to have sex. or use a vibrator to keep my vagina healthy. Not all bad.

Having no sex is bad for your health. Thank you WH, another gift.

OK, ladies, going to bed early and be healthy.

LOL

[This message edited by Tallgirl at 7:25 PM, December 5th (Thursday)]

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8478046
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 1:35 AM on Friday, December 6th, 2019

TG They should have given you a restaurant gift card after all that! Sheesh!

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3145   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8478053
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20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 11:32 AM on Friday, December 6th, 2019

Gee TG, not even a kiss before your tuneup?

BW, 54 WH 53
When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2102   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8478173
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 12:11 PM on Friday, December 6th, 2019

Nope, not even a coffee.

My GP is new too, he kept telling me to relax. I told him - not that easy, it was our first time.

I don’t think he appreciates me, he was not amused.

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8478185
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 12:23 PM on Friday, December 6th, 2019

Tallgirl

- I'm resisting asking you if he called you in the morning

I do hope you took advantage of Cyber Week specials and got yourself a super awesome quality apparatus and some warming lube to go with it.

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3269   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8478189
Topic is Sleeping.
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