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Ohfor, you are in my heart forever, you are in our hearts forever, thank you for your words and contributions and help and you being you brother, my condolences to your family, you will never be forgotten, you were and always will be the brightest star.

I haven't been able to find words since this news came. My heart has been full, thinking on the man who we all have loved so much, cheered him on through his JFO journey and Divorced/Separated journey, then his new beginning. He's the father we all wished to have had as he helped both his daughter and her friend, then by happy coincidence came to love MMS.

If I could ever choose how to live my last years of my life with vigor, joy, and making a difference for so many people, even those who never posted here, who never met him in person, we all raise our glass in tribute, sorrow and joy for the awesome man that he is, eternally!

Oh no! Peace to his loved ones and to him.

It is enlightening that all our comments fall in the same spectrum. He is truly known here.

Will miss ya!

Goodbye Ohfor. The world will be a colder place without you. I rarely commented on your threads but I read each one and I am overwhelmed by sadness to hear that you've left us

I'm another that arrived here just prior to his jfo experience and journeyed with him through out his experiences. And yes, as we have all mentioned, a true gentleman, a lovely person to have graced this planet.

Moe mai ra e hoa, moe mai ra.

RIP Ohfor!

Such a positive way with words - always upbeat and inspiring.

Your story & journey will live with me forever.

From a fellow South African, I miss you.

What an amazing person and the lessons he taught us on how to live life to its fullest.

I wish I could have known and met him in IRL!

I’d like to share with this community my final message to OhFor. I re-read it this morning and it brought me comfort; I thought it might be helpful for others, too.

I do not know if you will receive any of my messages since Sunday, but I realized that even though I have never shied away from talking about death with you, I of course have not wanted to say “goodbye.” There always seemed to be the prospect of more conversation. And conversation is what makes relationships so meaningful. They are what makes us human.

I have loved knowing you and sharing so much between us. You made an excellent life and raised two excellent people, and helped many more. You did not waste a minute of your minutes on this glorious Earth.

“Goodbye” seems such a final word, but its genesis is “God be with you.” As you know, I am not a believer, but I do wonder a lot about all the things we do not understand about the Universe as finite organic beings. So I will say it, as a blessing to you as you enter the non-organic realm. Goodbye my dear friend.

[This message edited by Odonna at 2:57 PM, November 13th (Wednesday)]

Donna that was a beautiful.message. thank you for posting it.

I didn't know him but I am deeply saddened for all who did and the loss to our community, his family and the world.

Odonna, what DragnHeart says x 10.

Sorry. Double post.

[This message edited by hansvoleman at 7:04 AM, November 13th (Wednesday)]

What a Gentleman in every sense of the word.

He will be sorely missed.

Our sadness comes because we are greedy. When you find someone as beautiful as Ohfor, you never want to let go.

But let go we must.

I have a story that will help you all, and I believe I was meant to tell this very story, right now.

I posted here one day and ohfor posted right after me saying that my post was the most intelligent thing he had ever read here on SI.

I told him I was flattered and happy to help him. He had helped so many here.

What did he find so intelligent?

My understanding of what happens after we leave this Earth.

I believe I said something about our bodies are merely husks for our soul. Our soul will never die. I was happy knowing that when I am finished with my husk I will not be going where those that hurt me are going.

There is no need to worry. For he is free of his husk. Ohfor has a new job now. Helping others elsewhere. He has been promoted. He loves you all. If you have lived a good life, you will see him again.

Fly fast, free and high my friend and enjoy your new beginning. Receive the blessings that you have earned by living your life here on Earth in such a beautiful way. You have touched the hearts of many and we will never forget you.

I had to console my wife once I delivered the news to her of OhFor’s passing. His kindness and encouragement touched both of our lives immensely despite having never met him in person. He was a wise, caring soul and his loss is an enormous one.

MMS, or Mrs. OhFor, I know you and the children are likely contending with the reality of losing someone whose presence was so profound that his physical absence must feel surreal and overwhelming. Though his love remains (and love transcends time and space), it does not erase grief. Please allow yourselves the opportunity to grieve as you deserve that. But if/when you feel led, I pray that you will one day log into SI and read these tributes that are being left to your husband here.

Your husband was a unique individual and I am a better man, a better husband, and a better father for having known him the brief time that I did. I hope you will feel some small sense of comfort at knowing how special your husband was to the tens of thousands of us whose lives were linked by the horror of infidelity. In a place where there is often loudness, despair, and raw ugly pain, your husband was a voice of reason, optimism, color, and hope. He extended friendship and support to betrayed and wayward spouses alike, and his words contained just the right balance of practicality, humor, authenticity, and poetry.

I am a millennial but I am old fashioned in many ways. I’m not a fan of Snapchat and instagram and the many types of social media used by most adults my age. Neither am i fond of message boards aside from a few that I frequent related to college sports and vehicle repair. Being part of SI is very atypical for me. But even though I don’t read or post here that much, i have always been able to get good advice and support for the betrayal i had to deal with here and your husband was a huge part of that.

I have never lost a spouse. I have lost a child and in recent years have lost both my mother-in-law and father-in-law prematurely, but it is not the same. I wont profess to know how you are feeling. But my wife and I are praying for you, Sunshine, and the two older children. Even when this post drops off the front pages we will continue to pray.

I will never forget how your husband reached into himself to offer my wife much needed encouragement despite the fact that he was a betrayed spouse and she had been a wayward spouse. He saw her not just the sin she had committed. He showed her respect and helped her to build herself back up. That’s the kind of man that your husband is. We are reconciled and stronger than ever before and he is in part to thank.

MMS, if only you could read the words OhFor has written about you. About his daughter and son. The love he felt for you all was palpable. I’m sure you already know this. It’s because of what he has shared that I know you and the family will survive this season of loss and will emerge from it intact. His loss will forever be felt, but the love that knits all of you together will only deepen. I am sure of it.

You are all in my prayers and thoughts as well as that of my wife.

Manish’s Dad and A So Called Life

Thank you, Manish’s parents, for sharing this. This is exactly what I hope OhFor’s family will see here at some point. And it also is a reminder for kindness and “paying it forward.”

Such sad news. Glad he's no longer in pain.

Dearest Ohfor:

I only know you by your SI name, but like many here, feel like I knew so much about what kind of man you were. Through vibrant and descriptive language, you gave us an insight into your genuine spirit. And that is a rare gift indeed.

When I returned to SI after a long hiatus, yours were some of the first posts I read. I connected with your story immediately – recognizing a fellow traveler on a similar journey I had taken years before. I was concerned that infidelity would break that spirit of yours. Or fear would force you to retreat inward and you would never risk being hurt like that again. But you had so much love and I often silently, (but vociferously) cheered you on as you dipped your toes in the water and that “new narrative” began to unfold.

And man, did it blossom in the biggest, boldest and most colorful ways. Your bravery was really something. Not only did you dare to have new adventures, you added all these lovely new people to your life. What a fitting reward for someone who allowed themselves to be vulnerable in some of the scariest ways possible. And yes, somewhere in there came the diagnosis. (Which I still think is complete shit by the way). But your resilience was an incredible thing to watch. You dug in deeper and spent countless moments all over the world with those you adored. I would get tickled at how giddy you were about the whole thing. Those detailed and perceptive postcards you sent back to SI touched so many people. And then an engagement to the steady and true MMS. It just seemed so…right.

And in the middle of all this. These travels. The health stuff. Planning a wedding. Perhaps even saying your goodbyes. Here you were on SI – posting on others’ threads with words of encouragement and empathy. What a testament to your character.

I’m just guessing, but I suspect one of the things that resonates with so many people around here is that you were an authentic real-world embodiment of survival. I wrote to you at one point that you were living such a life of real love that many wished they could have. (Or even a little piece of). It wounds me that the time you had to revel in it was so ungraciously shortened. But I do not grieve that you had an unfulfilled life. I grieve for your family – for MMS. For everyone whose life you touched and who will be left wanting more. I grieve for us here on SI. New members will not get to know you. Or how you made everyone feel special. How you gave some of us nicknames or gave these whopper replies that were so carefully considered. I don’t know how much you shared with MMS or your family about your presence here, but I hope some of our words of tribute make it to them some day. We all are the better having had you in our lives.

Peace and love for you Ohfor. I too was worried we’d read this news. I am so happy that you had an amazing new beginning and wish it hadn’t been so short. My your family find peace in knowing you are not suffering and may your love and memories will be eternal for them ❤️ Fly high