Newest Member: LearnToLove


Me BS,57 Her WS,55
2 LTA & 2 ONS 30+years ago
D-day 27/12/14
At least I still have my sense of humor.
I need it.
Coming to grips with it all
3 Adult children
Still married

The worst thing that could happen ....

I signed up on SI seven years ago this March, about 3 months after DDay.
My opening line was something like 'here I was planning for retiremement and.....' the bomb hit when my spouse told me about her past A's.
I was lost.
The worst thing that could happen, had happened and here I was finding out all about it.

In the days following, if I managed to do anything at all it was on autopilot.
Mostly I just stared into space, trying to put jigsaw pieces together.

Seven years later & I am WAY over the whole A thing.

I have managed to do most of what I had planned for, except for the financial plans - blame COVID.

During COVID with lockdown & the extended lockdown periods, we were pretty much stuck in each others faces.
We had a lot of heated debate going on then, but we are all over that now.
We still have not opened up to the big wide world, prefering to keep family close.

I have not needed to bring up any aspects of the A. I have moved on.
My spouse has taken to randomly appologising for her behaviour & the pain I went through.
She is the only one to ever bring it up.
Just out of the blue. There are obviously things that she thinks about, that worry her.
After 45 years, 3 children, moved home a few times, countless dogs, it still worries her, still embarrasses her.
When it happens, it is so weird for me.

The A's took a lot away from me without my knowing it, those days. Good-times, excitement, happiness.
It also stole five years of my time after DDAy.

As a result of COVID, the two big negatives for me was that I lost my best friend and financial markets had eroded any gains my retirement plans had made in the last 25 years.

The big positive I take from COVID is that it gave me the opportunity to pause & look at my life:
to look back and see what could have been barf
to appreciate where I am today
to figure out what is important to me and what are the things I want in life
and to realise that WE are so blessed & lucky to still be here, to be healthy, to be in a good place with each other.

Best of all I have my smile back. I missed me.

4 comments posted: Monday, March 14th, 2022

Too good not to share

We take the mother-in-law out of the old age home every second Sunday.
Been doing that for the last ten years.
Perhaps a picnic in the car or a light lunch at a small restaurant - fish still her favourite.

Not much is stimulating at the old age home, but at 101 years old she is still going strong.
Holds my arm, gives me hell if I walk too fast.

MIL may be forgetful of recent events but has many memories of times gone past.

Last Sunday, out of nowhere, she tells me that my spouse 'was a naughty little girl' when she was younger and that Father "had to have a good talking to her' and that he apparently had also told her that I am is a good guy!!!

I really don't know where that all came from - needless to say my spouse was a little bit embarrassed & upset the rest of the day.

What MIL had related obviously must have taken place.

This was the first sign I had that any of the family ever knew that something was up.
I wish somebody had told me way back then, when I was in my twenties.
Now in my sixties, I can just laugh at the irony of getting told-on by a 101 year old.

laugh laugh laugh

4 comments posted: Tuesday, March 1st, 2022

My 40th Anniversary

Yesterday was our 40th wedding anniversary.

Take away all the negatives associated with the A's and we have had a very blessed/lucky life together.

I am grateful that my spouse unstuck her head 34 years ago, and GOT ON WITH HER LIFE with me. Turning herself around and became the best wife/lover/partner to me & mother to our children. I have no regrets there.

'It should have been different, it could have been so much better' .... those were her words to me yesterday.

I haven't brought up the A's for such a long time now. I am not bothered to. I have a life to get on with.

But it still, and probably always will, bother her.

Here's to the next 40......

8 comments posted: Monday, August 2nd, 2021

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