Newest Member: Strugglinglady

I Can Relate :
Betrayed Womenz Thread

Topic is Sleeping.
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 SI Staff (original poster moderator #10) posted at 6:41 PM on Tuesday, September 17th, 2019

A place for the betrayed women to discuss issues specific to betrayed wives. We ask that women only post on this thread.

posts: 10000   ·   registered: May. 30th, 2002
id 8439003
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BigBlueEyes ( member #71441) posted at 7:03 PM on Tuesday, September 17th, 2019

Thank you SI,

I was close to having palpitations when the last 1 said it was full 😳 can’t cope without our little corner 😘

Me- BW, 47
Multi Dday's,
DB A's x 2 BFF
Multi ONS's, Online shit.
Serial cheat, Abuser,
D 18.02.20
Stay strong, just because it’s hard today, doesn’t mean that next week it won’t get easier!!

posts: 674   ·   registered: Mar. 11th, 2019   ·   location: A tiny dot in a big 'ol World
id 8439011
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TX1995 ( member #58175) posted at 7:51 PM on Tuesday, September 17th, 2019

Thanks for the new thread!

Just popping in to say there is a new Helping Couples Heal podcast out today! I'm about to listen - Managing the Crisis (of Discovery) and its effects on the whole family. Lord knows that I need that topic!

I just booked a girlfriend getaway to NYC later this fall. Going with a friend who knows about the A and we are going to see shows and eat good food. Last time I was there was in the spring with WH about two weeks before his full reveal. So good and bad memories.

I'm the BS. WH had a 3 month EA/PA with a cOW. DDay was 4/17. Working on R. Married 15 years and together 20 at DDay.
DDay #2 and #3 6/19. Grew a conscience and admitted a full blown physical affair. Now in limbo.

posts: 985   ·   registered: Apr. 6th, 2017   ·   location: Texas
id 8439038
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 8:01 PM on Tuesday, September 17th, 2019

BBE - yeah I let SI staff know cus I was freakin out too :)

TX - I'm jealous! Never been to NYC.

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3180   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8439043
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BigBlueEyes ( member #71441) posted at 8:11 PM on Tuesday, September 17th, 2019

Oh wow TX, a chance to make some new memories with a GF sounds awesome, I hope you have the best time .

Ellie, Thank you, you rock

Me- BW, 47
Multi Dday's,
DB A's x 2 BFF
Multi ONS's, Online shit.
Serial cheat, Abuser,
D 18.02.20
Stay strong, just because it’s hard today, doesn’t mean that next week it won’t get easier!!

posts: 674   ·   registered: Mar. 11th, 2019   ·   location: A tiny dot in a big 'ol World
id 8439049
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 9:32 PM on Tuesday, September 17th, 2019

A friend of mine sent this to me today and I felt like it needed to be shared cus it made me say whoa...

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3180   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8439079
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BigBlueEyes ( member #71441) posted at 9:51 PM on Tuesday, September 17th, 2019

Well fuck me sideways... that’s actually very true 😥

[This message edited by BigBlueEyes at 3:52 PM, September 17th (Tuesday)]

Me- BW, 47
Multi Dday's,
DB A's x 2 BFF
Multi ONS's, Online shit.
Serial cheat, Abuser,
D 18.02.20
Stay strong, just because it’s hard today, doesn’t mean that next week it won’t get easier!!

posts: 674   ·   registered: Mar. 11th, 2019   ·   location: A tiny dot in a big 'ol World
id 8439085
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 10:34 PM on Tuesday, September 17th, 2019

The mouse is dead! I repeat. The fucking mouse is dead.

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3300   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8439107
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DaisyAnne ( member #71434) posted at 10:36 PM on Tuesday, September 17th, 2019

The mouse is dead! I repeat. The fucking mouse is dead.

Perfect way to start this new thread!

TX, what a perfect girls weekend! Enjoy!!

[This message edited by DaisyAnne at 4:38 PM, September 17th (Tuesday)]

Me: BW - early 40's
Him: WH - late 40's
Married: 18 years, together 24
2 teenage children
Dday: 5/23/19
Reconciling

posts: 241   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2019
id 8439109
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 10:53 PM on Tuesday, September 17th, 2019

The mouse is dead! I repeat. The fucking mouse is dead.

Ding DONG the mouse is gone!! WOOOOOOT!

ETA: Fuck that mouse. Srsly.

[This message edited by EllieKMAS at 4:53 PM, September 17th (Tuesday)]

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3180   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8439113
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Hawke ( member #47517) posted at 11:02 PM on Tuesday, September 17th, 2019

The mouse is dead! I repeat. The fucking mouse is dead.

The real question remains:

Did you use a donut to trap the mouse?

Enquiring minds want to know!

Me: BS (b. '75)
Him: exWS (b. '76)
D-Day: April 2015
Together 10 years
2 kids: 2011 and 2014
Separated (no divorce required for common law couple in my jurisdiction)

posts: 2370   ·   registered: Apr. 13th, 2015   ·   location: Alberta, Canada
id 8439121
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 12:27 AM on Wednesday, September 18th, 2019

Stale and crunchy donut crumbs. And sprinkles. Because they are nothing but donut poops that resemble mouse poops.

Donut Whore Shit lured that mouse to its death. Vile poison those donuts 🍩

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3300   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8439169
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gmc94 ( member #62810) posted at 1:09 AM on Wednesday, September 18th, 2019

New thread! Woot!

Anyone here seen a CSAT for IC?

M >25yrs/grown kids
DD1 1994 ONS prostitute
DD2 2018 exGF1 10+yrEA & 10yrPA... + exGF2 EA forever & "made out" 2017
9/18 WH hung himself- died but revived

It's rude to say "I love you" with a mouthful of lies

posts: 3441   ·   registered: Feb. 22nd, 2018
id 8439185
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heartbroken83 ( member #71395) posted at 1:11 AM on Wednesday, September 18th, 2019

Yes we are trying to R but it has only been a month or so; we are both still learning how and what to do. I do not like to show others my emotions but am told that this is essential. He also doesn't know how to handle me when I'm like that. He wants to pull away, leave me alone. he thinks that is the best answer because he is the cause of the pain, But what I need for him to do is hold me. He is starting to make some progress in this area so I am hopeful.

So glad the mouse is dead, I have been waiting for that post for a while now.

Today has been the crazies word day ever. My H is being extra nice, I kinda like it...lol Its hard to laugh and joke with him now days because as soon as I do, my brain goes "hey asshat remember what he did????you are not supposed to be happy." I hope this doesn't last forever..I just want to be happy.

Tomorrow is hump day and for those of us who don't work weekends that means a lot. Have a great night ladies

posts: 147   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2019   ·   location: CT
id 8439187
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 1:36 AM on Wednesday, September 18th, 2019

Hawke, I am so sorry about your BFs daughter. Depression sucks!

And this crap he's doing isn't a "fog". This is being a narcissistic asshole.

Yep. He's just being an ass.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8439202
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 3:18 AM on Wednesday, September 18th, 2019

TX, I know most people think I'm way put there with my thinking on a lot of things. Imo, I totally understand why your 14yo would tell your CH to fuck. I think your CH needs to hear that. He needs to see that he has not just betrayed you. He has betrayed his children. He has broken their heart, too. He needs to own that. Your son needs to get all those thoughts and feelings out. Better that he cusses his dad put than cut his own wrists.

I say, good for your son for saying what he thought. He's a strong one.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8439240
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heartbroken83 ( member #71395) posted at 11:05 AM on Wednesday, September 18th, 2019

I agree, I think respect is earned and your H lost that and needs to work to get it back.

Our kids 11, 13 and 17 do not know. They know something is wrong and we are working on it but we have decided at this point not to tell them.

Hawke: any update on your BF's daughter? I pray everything is okay...

posts: 147   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2019   ·   location: CT
id 8439318
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BigBlueEyes ( member #71441) posted at 12:39 PM on Wednesday, September 18th, 2019

Wooopwooop the mouse is gone

Me- BW, 47
Multi Dday's,
DB A's x 2 BFF
Multi ONS's, Online shit.
Serial cheat, Abuser,
D 18.02.20
Stay strong, just because it’s hard today, doesn’t mean that next week it won’t get easier!!

posts: 674   ·   registered: Mar. 11th, 2019   ·   location: A tiny dot in a big 'ol World
id 8439334
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DaisyAnne ( member #71434) posted at 1:20 PM on Wednesday, September 18th, 2019

Today has been the crazies word day ever. My H is being extra nice, I kinda like it...lol Its hard to laugh and joke with him now days because as soon as I do, my brain goes "hey asshat remember what he did????you are not supposed to be happy." I hope this doesn't last forever..I just want to be happy.

I go through this all the time. I am laughing with him and happy. Then think to myself, "wait, should I be happy?". Ugh. I am hoping this also doesn't last forever.

Our kids 11, 13 and 17 do not know. They know something is wrong and we are working on it but we have decided at this point not to tell them.

Our kids are 15 and 13 and don't know either. I am sure they know something is up. Sometimes I can't hide my "after crying eyes/face". A small part of me wants to tell them so I don't have to hide my crying but I know it will only hurt them and hurt their relationship with their father.

Me: BW - early 40's
Him: WH - late 40's
Married: 18 years, together 24
2 teenage children
Dday: 5/23/19
Reconciling

posts: 241   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2019
id 8439348
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Want2BHappyAgain ( member #45088) posted at 2:07 PM on Wednesday, September 18th, 2019

I want to give a little insight for those of you beautiful ladies who are new to this trauma. It puzzled me also when I would start to feel happiness and then my body and brain would put me back in to the shock and despair from DDay.

I saw a WH write about the “limbic lag” on a post once...and after doing a little research I realized what all the conflict was that was going on inside of me.

Our limbic system is an amazing tool we have for survival...it is what controls our “fight, flight, or freeze” responses. Everything we EXPERIENCE is documented and categorized in our limbic system. As someone wrote...these experiences have no expiration date. Something that happened over 30 years before will come up to have our bodies automatically respond if our limbic system feels it is a similar experience. It is really fascinating...except when you don’t WANT that experience to keep coming up!!!

The GOOD news is that we can retrain our limbic system !! Only...it can’t be done by logic...experience is what does it . As I experienced happiness with my H...the despair started to subside. When I found out he lied to me...the experience came right back to the flight response I originally had.

Please know that what you are experiencing is normal! It can seem very frustrating at times... but your brain and body are working to keep you alive in what they see as a life or death situation. As you may have read...you need to process what is happening to you in order to get through it. Don’t worry...you will be able to do it...although it seems quite overwhelming at times!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 5616   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8439376
Topic is Sleeping.
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