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Betrayed Womenz Thread

Topic is Sleeping.
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 12:00 AM on Monday, September 23rd, 2019

I was raised by a southern mama - if I didn't love cooking, I would have been disowned!! But yeah, I don't cook much just for myself either. That is definitely one positive to D... my grocery bill is way lower than it used to be

HB I feel ya - I had a really hard day yesterday for some reason, but today has been betterish. I just have one last load of laundry to get put away and that is the only accomplishment I will have made today...

Happy Sunday girls! Hope everyone is well rested and ready to tackle the week! And might I add a preemptive Fuck Monday

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3143   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8441306
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DaisyAnne ( member #71434) posted at 1:00 AM on Monday, September 23rd, 2019

I actually do like cooking for my family. But also love having a break for a few days.

So today has been good considering everything. I kept myself busy with some retail therapy. He has been great with constantly checking in and lots of FaceTime. We been FaceTiming pretty much since he got to his hotel room a few hours ago. Of course I know I can’t control what he does and monitor him every single second. All I can do is believe what he says right now. And try not to think about what he did the last times he was away on trips. I really fucking hate feeling like this.

Me: BW - early 40's
Him: WH - late 40's
Married: 18 years, together 24
2 teenage children
Dday: 5/23/19
Reconciling

posts: 241   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2019
id 8441325
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heartbroken83 ( member #71395) posted at 2:52 AM on Monday, September 23rd, 2019

Daisy glad you are handling this well. I couldn't imagine. I am so thankful we do not really travel for work.

Ellie, Laundry is a great accomplishment! I did that too. I am so happy my kids do their own laundry and my husband doesn't let me help with his either. I only have to do my own. Laundry sucks!

I definatly would like to do the preemptive Fuck Monday with you. I already have a short staff and to add to it call outs for tomorrow. Not sure exactly what to do. My boss loss her sister yesterday so I am trying not to bother her but I think she is gonna have to come and help us out. Unless so kids decided not to come in...here's hoping for the best.

posts: 147   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2019   ·   location: CT
id 8441364
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 2:36 PM on Monday, September 23rd, 2019

Daisy, I'm glad you are doing well and your CH appears to be stepping up. While it's not a guarantee, making the effort to check in often helps. It shows that he understands your fears and that you need reassurance.

My weekend was ok. I got a new Guinea pig Friday night. Someone from my neighborhood was giving him away. He's very skittish. Makes me think maybe he wasn't handled much.

My youngest kept me up half the night Saturday night because he was sick. He refuses to take medicine and then screams and cries about his suffering. He was sick all day yesterday, so I spent most of the day on the couch with him.

My fch and I did manage to finally go through the 3 huge boxes in our bedroom and get them out. My fch says, "Wow! This room is pretty big." 😄 I asked him to move his dresser with the TV on it to where the boxes were. Right now, it's next to the bedroom, so you have to lay upside down to watch TV. He didn't seem keen on that and didn't move it. I guess I'll have to.

I don't mind doing laundry, but I won't fold my fch's clothes. He does some weird Marie Kondo thing that seems like way too much work to me.

Going to the chiropractor today. I got a groupon for 5 treatments. The guy wants me to get a MRI. My insurance doesn't cover any of it, so that is not going to happen. Why do all chiropractors sound like used car salesmen?

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8441520
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heartbroken83 ( member #71395) posted at 3:01 PM on Monday, September 23rd, 2019

I love my chiropractor. I met my deductible for insurance this year so I am getting in as much as possible lol. He used my MRI from 4 years ago and doesn't seem to think I need a new one. It has helped so much since I started going. I have a bulging disk at the L4 L5 with nerve damage. Going to the chiropractor has let me lower the dosage of my pain meds.. I don't know what I am going to do come January when I have a deductible again.

Just got off the phone with the therapist office for my son. He is having some behavioral issues and destructing property. We want him to see a Christian counselor and finding one is hard. The one I found is Out of Network so is going to cost me $150 per visit. Doctors are so ridiculous.

posts: 147   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2019   ·   location: CT
id 8441529
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DevastatedDee ( member #59873) posted at 3:12 PM on Monday, September 23rd, 2019

I've been thinking lately that maybe men can't truly love a woman. The thought hit me as I was watching a scene in a TV show of a H comforting his W. I didn't believe he really felt what he was portraying. I think men don't have the capacity to feel deeply.

No, I don't think that's the problem as much as men being taught that it's wrong to feel deeply is the problem. I've had a number of male friends and they may not talk to one another as much about their deep emotions, but they will talk to a woman about them. Men feel just as deeply as women do. They just don't get the social acceptance to express it like we do.

DDay: 06/07/2017
MH - RA on DDay.
Divorced a serial cheater (prostitutes and lord only knows who and what else).

posts: 4463   ·   registered: Jul. 27th, 2017
id 8441538
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 8:10 PM on Monday, September 23rd, 2019

HB, I've been to a few chiropractors over the years. I loved the one I saw in Hawaii. He got rid of my back pain completely after years of seeing GPs, orthopedists, and physical therapy. Nothing helped until the chiropractor. I saw one in NC who was really good, too. I like the ones who have a more holistic approach, see it as a treatment of wellness, not just spinal injury.

With my insurance, Tricare military, if I see an out-of-network provider, I can bill my insurance company directly as long as the person is certified. Is that a possibility for you?

IDK, DD. There are physical, biological, chemical differences between men and women, obviously. While i do agree that men are taught to suppress their emotions, I also think they may not have the same capacity as women. I've known so many males who use females over and over without any care for how the females are affected. Some females do that, too, but not to the extent of males. There's an evolutionary basis for the difference in behaviors. Studies have shown that chemicals are released in the female body during and after sex that trigger attachmen that does not happen in males.

For example, children. As women, we know we are genetically related to our children. We grow them in our bodies. We have a deep, physical connection to those children from conception that men will never have. The hormones of the babies we carry in our bodies stay in our bodies and affect us for the rest of our lives.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8441689
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heartbroken83 ( member #71395) posted at 10:45 PM on Monday, September 23rd, 2019

They only pay a portion after my $3000 deductible is me unfortunately. I am on co-pays now but come January I will be paying full price again.

posts: 147   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2019   ·   location: CT
id 8441759
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TX1995 ( member #58175) posted at 12:36 AM on Tuesday, September 24th, 2019

Hawke - Sorry about your breakup but it sounds like two mature people were honest with each other about their needs and priorities and no one got hurt. That's a win in my book! Love your positive attitude about it.

On chiropractors...I think they can be really helpful. I also think they can be charlatans. One of my very best friends is married to one and he truly believes in doing good and helping his patients. He often treats my son for free and has done wonders for his sports injuries.

On men talking...I think it's mostly societal with a little chemical thrown in for good measure. My WH was raised to not have feelings about things - well positive ones were okay. Perfection was expected. Many men I know are raised that way too. Men who are vulnerable are seen as weak, crying is for "pussies" and if you talk about feelings you are "gay". It's slowly changing with the younger generation I think, but very slowly. My 14 yo hates talking about his feelings and we try to get him to talk ALL of the time about feelings. Of course, you could also say that women who are vulnerable and cry are seen as overly dramatic or emotional and not in control. My WH definitely saw my emotionality as weakness prior to DDay 1. Now he views it as a strength.

Speaking of WH's, mine is officially off on his intensive adventure. They took his phone away about 30 minutes ago. I'm a little anxious. Been having a LOT of ruminating about the A. Been social media searching for the cOWhore. It's like I *need* to feel bad or something. I do not get trauma brain. Thankfully I'm meeting friends for coffee in the morning, doing some school work and a little volunteer work. Will get my mind off of things. A taste of what seperation would really be like. No communication makes it much more real than him just going on a work trip. Also, I *love* cooking but my kids are super picky and won't eat cooked vegetables, so I miss cooking when my WH is gone. We end up eating a lot of fast food when he's gone...

DaisyAnne, hope the day is going okay and that you aren't letting your anxiety take up too much headspace. My IC always told me to feel it, process it and then move on!

Oh yeah. Fuck Mondays.

I'm the BS. WH had a 3 month EA/PA with a cOW. DDay was 4/17. Working on R. Married 15 years and together 20 at DDay.
DDay #2 and #3 6/19. Grew a conscience and admitted a full blown physical affair. Now in limbo.

posts: 983   ·   registered: Apr. 6th, 2017   ·   location: Texas
id 8441794
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 2:59 AM on Tuesday, September 24th, 2019

Hb, wow! That's an exorbitant deductible!

Yeah, some chirps are probably charlatans just like in any other profession. MDs who don't do anything except dole out medicine are no better. At least chiros try to address the cause and cure it rather than just treating symptoms with drugs for a lifetime. Sorry. I don't have much respect for the medical profession.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8441866
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heartbroken83 ( member #71395) posted at 11:57 AM on Tuesday, September 24th, 2019

Yes I totally get it. When I was pre-diabetic they gave me meds and didn't tell me anything but watch what I eat. I ended up losing 80 pounds on my own and never had a issue with it again. If they would have just told me that instead of drugging me up it would have been way better.

Also I have been on a narcotic for at least 5 years now for my back. Even with taking it I am still in pain. Since I have started treatment with the chiropractor, I have been able to lower the dose (so far, I am hoping to stop all together) and I have pain free days. This is a first in I don't know how many years. My back pain was controlling my life now I feel like it is not.

Have a great day everyone.

posts: 147   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2019   ·   location: CT
id 8441958
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DaisyAnne ( member #71434) posted at 1:09 PM on Tuesday, September 24th, 2019

HB, so sorry to hear about the back pain. I can't imagine always being in pain.

Thanks for the support, ladies! I am actually doing better than I feared I would. I totally dreaded this business trip since DDay. His checking in all the time definitely helps. Also, my daughter is sleeping with me at nights. With her right there, I can't cry myself to sleep so I think that is really helping as well.

Have a great day!!

Me: BW - early 40's
Him: WH - late 40's
Married: 18 years, together 24
2 teenage children
Dday: 5/23/19
Reconciling

posts: 241   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2019
id 8441989
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 1:47 PM on Tuesday, September 24th, 2019

HB, that is wonderful. Hopefully, you will eventually become pain free. My neck already feels infinitely better after only 2 adjustments.

Can, or do, you do yoga? That has helped me immensely with my back pain, too. You can do it at home, but I highly recommend taking classes. It's a much more thorough experience.

Daisy, I love having my children in bed with me. ❤

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8442008
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heartbroken83 ( member #71395) posted at 2:16 PM on Tuesday, September 24th, 2019

I never thought about doing Yoga because mostly and I say this in the nicest way possible, I'm fat...lol Not fat like unhealthy fat but definitely not in shape enough to do yoga. I will give a beginners class a shot, at home. no need to subject the world to that. I do not have self image issues. I can see how reading that one might think I do. I love how I look. I have gained some weight since being married but am actively working on losing some. Not because I don't like how I look but just because I don't ever want to be unhealthy the way I was before.

posts: 147   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2019   ·   location: CT
id 8442027
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 2:48 PM on Tuesday, September 24th, 2019

You don't have to be in shape or flexible, and especially not thin, to do yoga! I'm overweight, 5 feet tall and about 147 lbs. My ideal weight range is 110-120 lbs. I have quite a bit of belly fat. I teach yoga. I would say that most of the people, Male and female, who go to my studio do not look like they are in shape. It's actually quite rare to see the "yoga body" in person.

There's all kinds of different yoga. Vinyasa is usually a more strength based style, but you will still get a lot of stretching. Yin is good for getting really deep stretches, mostly done on the floor. Not much strength needed. Restorative is even more gentle, long deep stretches. We call it pajama yoga. Although, technically, hatha encompasses all yoga, some people use hatha to describe a slower, gentler practice than vinyasa. You don't usually do a lot of sun salutations/vinyasas. Poses are usually held longer. It can still be strenuous because of the time the poses are held. If you have any questions, ask away.

I finally found a therapist! I got her name from the BAN website, so she specializes in infidelity and trauma. I've got an appointment tomorrow night at 6. Not only does she have evening appointments, she also has some Saturday appointments. So, my fch might be able to go with me. My insurance does not cover marriage or couples counseling. I'm hoping she will put me as an individual client with depression and trauma for billing purposes.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8442050
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 2:49 PM on Tuesday, September 24th, 2019

Ellie, I keep meaning to say that I was raised by a New Englander. She couldn't cook to save her life! 😄 Idk if that's normal for New England. My dad is from the south. He can cook better.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8442052
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 3:36 PM on Tuesday, September 24th, 2019

Sorry for the serial posting. I keep thinking of new things.

HB, based on your back issues, needing narcotics for the pain, i highly recommend that you take a yoga class with an experienced instructor. There are certain poses that you should maybe not do, and others that you might need to modify. Also, if you've never done it, it's very helpful to have someone who can help to ensure you are doing the poses correctly. They don't have to be perfect, but they do need to be done safely. My favorite saying is that you don't make your body fit the pose. You make the pose fit your body. At the very east, look for poses specifically for your type of back pain and ones that are contraindicated.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8442086
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heartbroken83 ( member #71395) posted at 3:49 PM on Tuesday, September 24th, 2019

Thank you for all the info on yoga.

So glad you found a counselor, I pray everything works out billing wise so that you can get what you need from it.

posts: 147   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2019   ·   location: CT
id 8442099
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 3:51 PM on Tuesday, September 24th, 2019

HB - hahahaha!! I so get you on the yoga stuff. I tried a beginner's yoga video a while back and I was all like "You want me to put my leg where now?!? I cannot do that pose without removing said leg..." I would like to try it, but am really not very flexible and def not secure enough in self yet to go do in-person...

Daisy I am glad you are doing ok!

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3143   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8442102
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Want2BHappyAgain ( member #45088) posted at 6:32 PM on Tuesday, September 24th, 2019

Oooooo...I just saw in the "Fun & Games" Forum that it is Chaos's birthday !!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY Dear Lady!!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 5571   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8442199
Topic is Sleeping.
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