Thank you, choosing.
I am sorry this happened to you. Strangely, you would think my husband was into BDSM, by looking at him...there is no real telling what he is into...he fetishsizes other ethnicities that are not like me at all. In terms my having sex with him, he didnt care for much of anything...pretty boring, honestly.
Ironically your post does give me hope. No, I dont have anyone I can rely on. I had to greyrock my covert mother... I was her caregiver, most of my life...she told me she "didnt want to get in the middle of it", when informed her of what he had been doing... I'm sure she gloats about it and feels I should deal with it, like she (and myself)did my overt father, that died.
I am on the same page, completely. I have a wonderful councelor (first one I have ever liked) whom also agrees to the pathology. I scoff at the sex addict diagnosis, as do the majority of psychologists and it's because it's a comorbid of a larger picture. If I can refuse a bowl of ice cream, then....see where I'm going with this!? Same presumed chemicals...same part of the brain..no dice.
I believe it's a label, used by a lot of "professionals", as means to exploit and further victimize women. We went to two marriage councelors that never once mention that I was being abused, instead they made efforts to sell me the marriage. At that point he admitted to handful of hookers, but councelors know this is never the case and should have adviced me if this, on the occasion when she met with me seperately.
I mentioned the experience I had with these MCs to my current councelor and she agreed and told me how my situation should be approached. I cannot stress again how great she has been...she gives me the validation that I dont receive from my friends and family.
I have known my husband is a covert for a long time and it all came full circle, come DD. I am beginning to think he teeters the line on the others, per the triad. I have seen just a complete dark side of him that is honestly scary.
For me, the worst of it has been the rejection (tying in with childhood)...the entire marriage circled around a madonna-whore complex, where he would withhold with resentment. On the rare occasion he had sex with Guadalupe (see my handle lol) he had a hard time getting up/maintaining the erection. The only time he was excited with me, was when I was black-out drunk and he would get rough, usually from behind...he didnt have to look
At me that way..no intimacy ..sorry for the TMI. He also would look at me with disgust...my self esteem is in the toilet...sadly, I havent a problem attracting men, but it really doesnt matter, with this level of abuse.
My husband then had the audacity to reveal how he came too fast with the whores, due to his excitement.This is his way at explaining his "sexual dysfunction" is to blame...lol okay. He even told me about how he felt he disappointed the last one...lol this is literally how out of touch from reality these characters are...
He must really think that prostitutes want to be with him, that the "porn experience" is real..GOOD GOD, MAN!..I simply replied, while laughing "no bitch, you did her a favor...she collected a the cash with minimal effort, just like she did with the last guy...she has about as much respect for you, as you do her...its your irony, the parallel".
Youu would think I wrote the declaration of independence, that is how clueless this character is to the dynamic of his irony... he exploits abuse victims, with childhoods reminiscent of his...myself included. They havent the capability of introspection...a total lack of insight, which is rooted to the lack of empathy.
While, I could say I fear for my life(as a domestic case), but I dont want do be overly dramatic and he could easily turn this on me... I beat the shit out of him, on DD...if you knew the back story, you would understand why. While I am in no way excusing it, I honestly felt like a deer that had been backed into the corner...the insidious abuse had me snap. It put me back into the place my father had me in and I am still ruminating there.
Thankfully, I have reached a place of indifference, while he continues to trigger the fuck out of me with his going out all weekend (like he always has)... He did this while he was cheating too...while I was in bed with suicidal depression....cant make this shit up. He cant wrap his head around how I cant trust him because of his going out... the depression is even worse and hes the cause of it...as he still goes out...just amazing how lizard-like the robot child is...
[This message edited by DashboardMadonna at 3:29 AM, November 21st (Thursday)]