me/BW - 50, WH - 54 32 years married
DD1 Aug 5, 2017 - TT, still in contact.
DD2 Aug 30 admitted to 2 1/2 week PA, & 3 1/2 still in contact.
DD 3 - Sept 18 deleted his yahoo
DD4 - Sept 29, so much more. SA
polygraph Oct 20, maybe now we R?
It’s been 6 years and I’m feeling off
It’s been a while since I was here. We moved across country during the pandemic. We have been doing great - it’s 6 years since DDay
I don’t that there is a reason, I’m just suddenly finding myself feeling off
I even one day without thinking unblocked AP and looked at her social media.
Then promptly forgot I did. So need to block.
Reasons maybe?
1. 7 months ago I had a pretty severe accident, week in hospital, surgery - ended up in a wheelchair for 6 months, now I’m in outpatient PT learning to walk again. It’s been incredibly stressful. Had a second surgery, a wound that wouldn’t heal, medical care in our area is a constant battle - NWB till a few weeks ago. Now I may need another surgery on my knee.
WS has his FMLA, took care of me 24 hours a day, built a ramp. Sat up and held me while I screamed in pain - some days for 6 hours straight. Nightmares.
Maybe it’s my doubt that someone so selfish for all those years could be this selfless? Or am I being gaslit? Being "The Good Guy" has always been his identity, and wow so many DR Appts where he gets to be the great husband.
We have talked about it. He seems hurt but accepting that I feel this way.
2. Next month he is going back to "the place". The hotel his PA took place.
He is still in therapy, zoom ones, once a week. I have no idea if he is truthful or is using the sessions to feel good. He did that for a while at the start then I called it out and he ended up with a better therapist thankfully. I don’t know this guy. We moved and lost the therapist I trusted. The new IC is a whole mother story. She had me in group and didn’t tell me one of the group members was a wayward spouse.
I just keep thinking, am I just letting depression and my pain drag me down, or is there a reason I feel like this?
And I don’t have anyone to talk to about it.
12 comments posted: Monday, April 10th, 2023
