Thank you all for your support. I still went to celebrate my girlfriends birthday. Our fight continued and he claimed he was looking at apartments while I was gone because I clearly can’t get over it (all the betrayal). I suppose there is a time limit to my recovery in his mind.
DevastatedDee, I know you have been through similar struggles and empathize. The mindset is the problem and I do
feel disrespected. Still my fear of abandonment weighs stronger and I have a hard time letting go...it’s a problem and I am seeing IC about it.
Marji, no I don’t think he is feeling responsible or angry like I am. I tend to be blamed and accept that blame. Then I am left confused if I did something wrong or not. Right now I am blamed for making him take me on a trip when I wasn’t ready to commit to our marriage. I was not asked to go, he booked it without my knowledge but I am somehow at fault for not making him cancel it then if I wasn’t ready to move forward.
Somber, I know that we can have good days and bad and the awful feelings we may have when we reach out on SI aren't necessarily with us all the time
this is so true. I have moments where things feel okay. I am also starting to recognize a pattern of emotional abuse. I sometimes feel manipulated and gaslighted but then doubt if that is what is happening. I want to believe the good in him and believe his words when he speaks of promises and hope. It is so difficult to break this cycle. I am in IC, I sometimes go to alanon. I don’t go to sanon as the once a week date is not at a convenient time. I have not looked into sanon online...I just come here for SA concerns...
Your right I am not happy but I want to be. I have not forgiven him but I want too. I try but it’s a struggle. I give and he takes. He gives and I doubt his intentions. I push boundaries then I feel guilty.
Hehadadoublelife, yes to everything you said. You have explained so clearly this cycle. This is exactly what has been happening for years!! We have sex and immediately he feels entitled to my body at any given moment and requests me to play the part of his very own sex toy.
Sounds like he is still white knuckling through his sobriety
Yes you are probably right here!! He did admit his sponsor advised him not to drink. He made that choice and set up
His environment to be able drink. Why else choose an all inclusive for a 3 day getaway...
- they are expecting the good-for-you's and atta-boy's. Someone who is truly DOING. THE. WORK doesn't need those though
He definitely expects the atta boys. He claims he went to rehab, never left the house for 2 months, bought us a trip... so he tried! And he fully expects that I should be more supportive and happier with him now. The thing is I was proud of him and admiring his efforts. Yet now his efforts has led us to where he expects bigger advances and has reacted like a total self centred jerk because he didn’t get his way. Now he claims to be separating and looking at apartments because I won’t show him the love (or sex) he desires.
Your bull analogy is spot on!!!! Thanks for that.
Just remember that sometimes being the best you involves being uncomfortable
This may be the hardest part, sticking to boundaries and being uncomfortable with it. I have a lifetime of pleasing other people at my own expense. It feels normal and is an expected response from me. It is difficult to change that lifetime pattern of behaviour. I am trying though. Oh and I did tell him to go fuck himself!!! lol
Lifeexploded, yes I like the bull analogy too. I certainly
Feel emotionally smashed in the process that’s for
It’s not crazy being glad and offended at the same time by these men. I’ve been there. So messed up. Your WH sounds controlling too...I can relate to that as well.
[This message edited by Somber at 5:42 PM, September 21st (Saturday)]