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Lifeexploded

Married for 19.5 years to a sex addict. Filed for divorce 4/15/2020. Freedom July 22, 2020!

I need support

My divorce was final about 6 weeks ago. My ex has a new girlfriend he told me about on Thursday. He made it public today. They went to a festival with our kids and her kids today. They posted a picture of themselves on fb today. She hashtagged hers Day 1 #newbeginnings whatever that means. He comments on her post all gushy "had fun today with your beautiful". His post said "had fun at river with *name* and kids."

This post obviously had nothing to do with the kids. Not a single picture of kids in sight, although I assume they made one of them take the photo. I feel pretty confident this picture had nothing to do with her and everything to do with flaunting his new relationship, probably in front of me.

This man is a sex addict, definitely has narcassitic tendencies, is a liar, a thief, a gaslighter, a manipulator.

So either I brought out the bad side of him or she is in for one wild ride. She's 9 years younger than he is; I used to babysit her and her siblings when I was in high school. They were next door neighbors of my ex back then!

I will meet her today. There are some fireworks for the festival tonight and I want to be there because our youngest is 3 years old and I don't want to miss those memories with her so I'm going. A couple of my friends will be there with me for moral support and one will be texting me.

How do I behave? I assume be super duper nice because he's probably told he what a flaming crazy bitch I am.

I hate this. This is his first girlfriend he's brought around our children so that's a whole new experience for me. I have all these fears that somehow she'll be better than me. I mean, he rejected me, so why won't they?

I'm sorry for being all over the place. I am freaking out pretty bad.

Please offer support and ideas about how to handle this situation.

51 comments posted: Saturday, September 5th, 2020

Son might want to live with Dad

Our Texas divorce was final a month ago. Our 14 year old son off hand made a comment about wondering what it would be like to live with his Dad. The next day, my ex called me and told me the son wants to live with him. So I spoke to the son and he said he wasn't sure. I'm pretty sure that my ex told him he can do whatever he wants because he is over 12 which is not quite how the law works here. I am torn. I really don't think it's the best environment. My ex is already dating and making it known to our kids, and this particular son has told me that he doesn't like it. He asked me multiple times if I was going to be dating again and I told him that I have no desire to do so anytime soon, which is the truth. Given that he asked me a few times, I wondered if his Dad had told him otherwise.

Last weekend my bff's husband fixed my car for me. My ex, in a phone call, insinuated that I was involved with the guy and that's why he fixed my car. Later, he called our adult daughter and said "Is Mama's boyfriend still there fixing her car?" Doesn't he realize that that makes him look like an ass in front of his kid? She knows damn well I'm not having an affair with my best friend's husband. Also, that probably can't be counted as parent alienation because she is an adult. My oldest son, 16, (in the same conversation; my two oldest kids work at the same restaurant and my besties were there with me and my kids came up to me to tell me all this stuff) also told me that his Dad doesn't realize that his iphone is connected to his ipad and that the kids can all see what searches he's being doing on the internet. Hint: It's not stuff kids should be exposed to.

I believe in stability for kids and not changing things up constantly. We've only been divorced for a month. One kid moving out would be confusing for the other kids and I think my ex would just start picking them off one by one in this way. He's been complaining about the child support and I think he realized "Hey, if I want 50/50 I actually have to do work with the kids but if I can just get one or two of the easier kids to live with me, then my child support would be lowered so that would be easier."

During the divorce, we had had a discussion about this particular situation and had agreed that we were going to abide by the decree and not let the kids pull this crap and of course now he's going back on that. Last night he came by to visit the kids for a bit while I was working (I work at home so I was in my bedroom). Of course he used that time as an opportunity to nag the kid about whether he had decided to live with him or not. Kid and I had discussed it and I asked him if he would wait a year and at a year I promised I would let him do a trial run and consider allowing it rather than make his dad take me to court. He agreed.

HOWEVER, I guess his Dad can choose to take me to court at any time but I believe in Texas unless there is a substantial change in the situations of one parent, they basically don't want to hear about it. I could be wrong.

My son mentioned that he needs space away from his siblings. I was very careful in how I worded it. I told him I had been thinking about adding another room onto the house so maybe that would help in the meantime. That was the truth; I had been considering it anyway.

Also, kid's phone has been acting up. It's an older phone and the battery runs dead quickly. Part of that is Life 360 and an accountability app are on the phone. He told me he doesn't mind Life 360 but he doesn't like the accountability app because I can see everything he does and he feels it's an invasion of his privacy. After some more conversation he admitted that his Dad had told him that Mom shouldn't have that on your phone, it's an invasion of your privacy, and I'll buy you a new one so you don't have to have it. Again, I said, hey I was actually planning on getting you one anyway. It was going to be a surprise but we can go ahead and do that. Kid said ok. What gets me about the accountability app is that when we were married, my ex was all for the app. He was always making sure the app was on everyone's phones and tablets. But now that he can use that against me, the app is bad.

6 comments posted: Tuesday, August 25th, 2020

Maybe I'm being spied on?

Cross posted since not everyone has access to the Investigative Tips forum.

Long story, but I have a male friend, let's call him Mark, who is also recently divorced. His ex wife (let's call her Cathy) is CRAZY. Well, she found out that I am friends with Mark and sent me a fb message basically telling me to knock it off. We are just friends and I don't want any of her drama so I ignored her. Big mistake. The next day she called MY ex and told him that Mark and I were talking before our divorces were final. That's true but for F's sake, JUST FRIENDS.

Anyway, my ex told me that Mark told Cathy that I told him that my ex is a sex addict and that I'm on antidepressants. I did tell him these things. He swears up and down he didn't tell her. He also told me some things in confidence that he DEFINITELY doesn't want me to tell her. So to betray my confidence would be pretty stupid.

Here's the options:

A: He is lying and he did tell her.

B: My sister in law could be relaying information back to my ex. She and I were friends before we were ever married and are still friends. But I have to consider that anything is possible.

C: My phone could be bugged.

D: My car could be or was bugged.

I need to try to eliminate each of these possibilities. I could just reset my phone to factory settings and if there is a spy app on it that would get it off but I wouldn't know for sure if there ever was one.

If he had a recording device in my car, I am pretty sure he has it now since this stuff just came up. If he did, I think I know where he put it so I will keep an eye on that spot.

I need to think of something to tell my sister in law that I said to Mark (like a lie, not actually something I said to him) and see if it gets back around to my ex. If it does, then I'll know it was her. Any ideas?

Also, I need to tell Mark something, probably using Fb messenger on my computer, and then immediately delete it so my phone doesn't see it. If that gets back around to my ex then I'll know he is repeating stuff to his ex.

Any thoughts at all? I have been looking all through my phone. If I look at all of the apps, including system apps, there are over 500. I don't have time to search every one of those to see if they are a spy app.

8 comments posted: Monday, August 17th, 2020

I might be being spied on

Cross posted since not everyone has access to the Investigative Tips forum.

Long story, but I have a male friend, let's call him Mark, who is also recently divorced. His ex wife (let's call her Cathy) is CRAZY. Well, she found out that I am friends with Mark and sent me a fb message basically telling me to knock it off. We are just friends and I don't want any of her drama so I ignored her. Big mistake. The next day she called MY ex and told him that Mark and I were talking before our divorces were final. That's true but for F's sake, JUST FRIENDS.

Anyway, my ex told me that Mark told Cathy that I told him that my ex is a sex addict and that I'm on antidepressants. I did tell him these things. He swears up and down he didn't tell her. He also told me some things in confidence that he DEFINITELY doesn't want me to tell her. So to betray my confidence would be pretty stupid.

Here's the options:

A: He is lying and he did tell her.

B: My sister in law could be relaying information back to my ex. She and I were friends before we were ever married and are still friends. But I have to consider that anything is possible.

C: My phone could be bugged.

D: My car could be or was bugged.

I need to try to eliminate each of these possibilities. I could just reset my phone to factory settings and if there is a spy app on it that would get it off but I wouldn't know for sure if there ever was one.

If he had a recording device in my car, I am pretty sure he has it now since this stuff just came up. If he did, I think I know where he put it so I will keep an eye on that spot.

I need to think of something to tell my sister in law that I said to Mark (like a lie, not actually something I said to him) and see if it gets back around to my ex. If it does, then I'll know it was her. Any ideas?

Also, I need to tell Mark something, probably using Fb messenger on my computer, and then immediately delete it so my phone doesn't see it. If that gets back around to my ex then I'll know he is repeating stuff to his ex.

Any thoughts at all? I have been looking all through my phone. If I look at all of the apps, including system apps, there are over 500. I don't have time to search every one of those to see if they are a spy app.

[This message edited by Lifeexploded at 11:37 AM, August 17th (Monday)]

3 comments posted: Monday, August 17th, 2020

Am I being irrational or controlling?

I'm trying to understand my feelings and why this is bothering me. Would love some insight.

Every year I have the worst time finding shorts for school for my 14 year old. We usually shop at Ross/TJ Maxx because we are on a budget and the kids like name brand clothes.

He rarely can find shorts in his size that he likes for some reason. That size is always picked over. I have taken him to a few stores but so far have only found one pair.

This weekend is my weekend with the kids and he asked me to take him shopping tomorrow.

I asked the ex if he would be interested in take the other kids for me since he has a class next weekend and won't be able to take the kids for the whole weekend and will miss time with them. He said he would text me back tomorrow morning. About half an hour later he called our son and told him that he would be taking him clothes shopping. He had not ran this by me yet.

I sent ex a text that said "Thank you for offering to take kid to get clothes. That's fine but I would appreciate it if you could discuss that with me first. Are you sure you don't mind paying for some clothes on top of paying child support?"

Because obviously I'm not going to pay him back when I have to control over how much he spends.

He said "I don't mind I don't have food in RV wouldn't be any fun in here for them."

Yes, I saved that text because he has been threatening to file for 50/50 custody (topic from yesterday).

I gave some suggestions on where to take him and not take him based on where we had already been. I offered to all go together and I would pay for the clothes unless he wanted one on one time. He said he wants one on one time. I said that's fine.

Honestly, I think he's going to try to convince the kid (age 14) to live with him. When I first asked for a divorce, he told our adult daughter that we are divorcing because I am mean to him and that he was going to try to get one or more of the boys to live with him because I am mean to them too. Not true. So now I'm mad because he didn't even run these plans by me. I'm paranoid he is going to try to take the kids away from me, which is stupid because he is a crappy dad and lives in an rv but it's all because he hates paying child support.

I learned my lesson. I'll never ask him to take any of the kids during my time again. I figured he would rather spend time with the other 4 since next weekend he's going to miss out on an entire 24 hours because of a gun safety/first aid class he signed up for on HIS WEEKEND. Again, without even asking me if that was ok. Who cares if maybe I had plans? Luckily I didn't.

[This message edited by Lifeexploded at 10:26 PM, August 15th (Saturday)]

2 comments posted: Saturday, August 15th, 2020

Child Support/Visitation

I need to vent. I need support and advice if you have it.

My divorce was signed by a judge on July 22nd.

We had an easy, agreed divorce. He agreed to standard visitation, and standard child support based on what Texas calculates based on his income and the number of kids.

After the divorce was final, like literally 6 days later, he decided he doesn't like paying this amount of child support. It's a high amount; 40% of net because he is paying on FIVE kids. He has mentioned a few times that he is going to "file for 50/50 so that he won't have to pay child support".

Good grief.

There are many reasons why this would be very difficult to make possible. First of all, I don't know who he thinks would be watching the kids while it's his time. 50/50, means 50/50. Not 50/50 with a free babysitter. Right now, I do nearly everything for the kids. School, doctors, clothes shopping, rides to and from school, everything. When he has them on his weekends, he will give the older one rides to work and whatnot. He even took them to get haircuts on his weekend and I INSISTED that I will pay him back when his support payments start coming through. He's already behind $1400 and his first payment was finally taken out of his check this week. He pays child support, so I expect to pay for haircuts. That's fair I think. I also insisted on paying for half of his medical support. The kids are on state health insurance so it doesn't cost me anything.

If I thought he was a great dad, I would say fine, whatever. They are his kids too obviously.

However.

He lives in an rv. 5 kids in an rv is not .... their favorite. They are already complaining about how small it is and he has only been in it for 2 months. Heck, HE complains about how small it is and how he is ready for them to go home at the end of his weekends.

He regularly has me get our 3 year old at night on his weekends because he can't handle her fussiness. I have this documented. The last time he asked me to come get her she told me "Daddy yelled at me and threw my tablet." She just turned 3 last month.

And finally what drives me up a wall is every time he brings up 50/50, it's because he doesn't want to pay child support. He NEVER says "I miss the kids." "I can't stand being away from the kids." "Not being with the kids is killing me." None of that.

And one more point, there is a huge difference between our incomes. He is a salary employee. I am a self employed work at home mom. I make about $20k while he makes $75k. Our incomes after child support are almost even. But I pay for everything for the kids and do almost everything with/for them. Even if we DID have 50/50, he would still pay a good chunk in child support.

For example, this week our oldest son started in a new school. I was the one who went to the school and helped him get his schedule set. When I found out they weren't awarding him enough credits from his last school, I was the one who spent hours emailing, calling, and researching to get him the additional 3 credits awarded to him that the school MISSED. I did that. And took time that I could have been working to do it. I took the day off work on Monday to take him to his orthodontist appointment. (Before you come at me, it's over an hour drive away, and I did still work an evening shift that night.) I could go on and on.

I honestly don't know what he's thinking. He doesn't work in the same town in which we live. He would not be able to get the kids to school on time and make it to work on time. They would have to ride the bus which in itself isn't a huge deal, but our youngest would have to go to daycare when he had her. Hey, genius, do you think that's free? Because if my child support is less or goes away then I have to work more, which is fine but that means I'm no longer available to care for her on his days. Plus, when our youngest starts Pre-K next year, she can't ride the bus. She would be too young. Also too young to stay at home alone with her older brothers. So he would have to pay for the special bus to take her to daycare after school and don't ask me how she would even get there in the mornings.

He seriously doesn't think anything through. He has less money than he used to so, wah wah wah. Our monthly bills are pretty much the same, and incomes after child support is paid/received except I pay a lot more in food, I buy clothes and entertainment for the kids, I take them everywhere and do more with the same amount of *&^%&^*^&*&^ money but he is the victim here for sure. I paid for the summer pool pass FOR ALL OF US this summer, INCLUDING HIS SUMMER PASS.

It's not about the money. I mean, a *little bit* but I am not afraid to work and I would get by even if I wasn't getting any child support. However, I don't think that 50/50 custody is in the best interest of the kids, especially since he only wants them because of the child support issue. I am so frustrated.

24 comments posted: Friday, August 14th, 2020

Tinder

Does anyone here have a tinder account and could see if my wh is on it? Or know how i could find out without making an account myself?

2 comments posted: Sunday, February 23rd, 2020

Retrive deleted text messages iPhone?

Is there any way to retrieve deleted text messages from an iphone without knowing the password? I can get into the phone but I don't know the password for the apple id. It's a work phone (non government; small business).

8 comments posted: Saturday, January 25th, 2020

Vpn icon

I downloaded the accountable2you app on sawh phone. Its an iphone. I hid the icon of the app in a folder with other icons in it. He most likely wont notice it. The problem is the app wants me to set up a vpn. If i activate if, it shows a vpn icon on the status bar. That he will notice. I dont think there is any way to hide that, but i figured i would ask. It remains to be seen if the app still works without it but i didnt have time to check and i wont until tuesday.

0 comment posted: Sunday, June 16th, 2019

Keylogger for iphone?

I rarely but sometimes have access. I have the apple id. But not the pw. It is a work phone, not government. I need to know if he is using the private browser so i figured a keylogger would be the way to go.

3 comments posted: Saturday, May 11th, 2019

Phone call?

Can someone make a phone call for me? I want to make sure my husband is calling who he says he is.

1 comment posted: Thursday, December 14th, 2017

Website for finding addresses

There is a website called family tree now. I checked it out using my name, and sure enough, it knew my current address and my two most recent ones in addition to family memebers, etc.

2 comments posted: Tuesday, January 10th, 2017

Anyone live near marble falls, burnet, or kingsland texas?

Nm

[This message edited by Lifeexploded at 6:55 PM, April 15th (Saturday)]

1 comment posted: Tuesday, January 10th, 2017

Find someone's cell number?

Any tips on how to find someone's cell number? I only have a name and her husbands name.

2 comments posted: Monday, January 9th, 2017

App that records background noise

I need an app for galaxy s7 that will record background noise (conversations). I used to use theonespy but it used too much data. It was unreal. I can't spend a ton on money or wh will know something is up. It doesn't have to be voice activated, it could be remotely activated when I need it to record.

3 comments posted: Monday, January 9th, 2017

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