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So...an update

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Pentup posted 4/23/2019 09:26 AM

Anyone out there heard from Lilies?

nothisfriend posted 4/23/2019 11:33 AM

Not in a while. I hope her treatments are going okay.

josiep posted 4/23/2019 11:49 AM

I've been wondering, too and check this thread to look for updates.

I hope Asshat wasn't a jerk about DS getting his tonsils out.

hopeandnohope posted 5/2/2019 08:22 AM

Hi Lillies, how is the treatment going? I've been thinking about you.

The feeling of just DS and asshat (for the wrong reasons) caring if something happened to you is not true. You've touched many lives that you have no idea of. I know because I am very fond of you and always root for you and DS when you share your life with us through your posts. Don't hesitate to tell your doctor you are feeling alone or if the world would be fine without you. There are survivorship focus for whatever you need.

My oncologist set me up with a survivorship program and I was sent to a nutritionit and a physical therapist and offered a retreat or anything else I needed. Insurance paid most of the two things I actually did.

If you need something to lift your mood, or individual counciling, I'm sure you could get that too.

Now is the time to take care of yourself.

Please give us an update soon, ♡♡♡

lilies21 posted 5/23/2019 10:26 AM

Hi, everyone, Iím sorry I havenít checked in lately but thank you for all of the kind replies after my last post. I guess Iím better, just kind of numb to most everything now and going through the motions. Not a great deal to update as far as Earl, just chugging along with treatment. People know now. I started by telling DS and his teacher; I thought his teacher should know in case DS brings it up or acts differently but heís been just fine with it. He hasnít had many questions and it really doesnít get brought up often. Heís had enough going on himself and I look fine to him so it just doesnít hit his radar much. I didnít intend for anyone at my work to know but once one person finds out, everyone finds out. Thankfully it hasnít been made into a big deal.

DSís surgery and recovery went well, no complications. Itís only been about six weeks but he seems so much better: already not getting as sick as much as he did before, not as tired as he used to be, not having to go to bed so early, and he has a lot more energy. Asshat actually showed up for the surgery but then never asked how DS was doing in the days after and thankfully didnít fight it when I simply told him I was keeping DS during the visitation times that first week.

In other news, DS is back in counseling. Heís been really struggling at his dadís: he says all he does there is work, such as cleaning up after everyone and taking care of the babies (the two little ones, both under 3 years old) while the adults watch TV. DS had a breakdown one Sunday right after I picked him up from his dadís. Iíd never seen him cry so hard and in his words: ďThey donít even care about me. All they think of me is as a worker.Ē It just shattered my heart.

DSís counselor said that going to Asshatís isn't in DSís best interest and it would be better for DS to just have a weekly date with his dad where they spend one-on-one quality time together. Iím going to talk to my lawyer to see if thereís anything we can do about the visitation schedule based on the counselorís advice but Iím nervous to make a move right now considering Earl. I donít know how well a judge would consider reducing vitiation time with a physically-healthy father and giving DS more time with his cancer-stricken mother. Iím afraid it would backfire on me, even though nothing has interfered with my ability to take care of DS. Anyone have any experience in going back to court in this type of situation?

SoÖthatís about it on my end. Just taking everything day by day. The only other update for fun is I'm kicking butt at this homeowner stuff. In the last month, I've learned how to change a thermal fuse and door switch on my dryer, change the motor coupler in my washing machine, and replace a broken handle on my microwave. Me + toolbox + YouTube = Look out, Bob Villa.

Catwoman posted 5/23/2019 10:31 AM

I donít know how well a judge would consider reducing vitiation time with a physically-healthy father and giving DS more time with his cancer-stricken mother.

I went through breast cancer treatment, and other than the reaction to the Neulasta shots (that stuff is evil), I did great. So I wouldn't think this to be an issue. You can still drive, order pizza, put a DVD in the box . . . right? So what if your time together is on the couch watching a movie or ordering carryout?

Emotionally, he is suffering the loss of his parent. His dad is so buried in all the drama of his life that he doesn't have time for him and really doesn't care to bother with him. This is affecting him emotionally, which is why you need to intercede and see if you cannot make a difference. Maybe propose a change in visitation as a temporary solution? Or maybe his therapist writes you a letter and copies him (may have more gravitas coming from her) with her recommendations.

More than one way to skin a skunk here.


Adlham posted 5/23/2019 12:21 PM


Glad to hear that you are still kicking are and taking names!

I just want to second catwoman in her suggestion about seeing if the counselor would be willing to write something for the court. Ask your lawyer what might carry the most weight with the judge.

As you aren't an invalid, I can't see Earl being a big barrier, but again, run that by your lawyer.

Also, wasn't it your son that has to share a room with the babies when he's at asshat's? Maybe now, with the counselors reccomendations, that might be an issue that could be brought into play, as far as getting the parenting time changed?

I feel so bad for your son. But you are a rock star mom, and the silver lining here is that because of YOU and everything you do to help support your son, he has a good foundation for being a much better adult than asshat could ever imagine.

Sending you and your son lots of love and good thoughts.

Charity411 posted 5/23/2019 16:19 PM

Thank God you finally posted an update. I've been checking and praying everyday. Congrats on becoming a homeowner master.

tushnurse posted 5/23/2019 17:50 PM

Lillies glad to hear your lack of posting has been because you have been busy kicking Earl's ass.
Also happy to hear your son went through the surgery with no major bumps.

I agree with the others. You are still working and providing having cancer doesn't make you incapable.

Hang in there. Remember a positive attitude has been proven to improve outcomes. So keep kicking Earl's ass.

million pieces posted 5/23/2019 18:09 PM

You have got to be one of the strongest people I know! Hugs to you and your DS, you are teaching him what a good parent is.

Lionne posted 5/23/2019 19:25 PM

I too, am very happy to hear from you. I'm glad your treatments aren't too debilitating.

Great news about you and Bob Villa! I never did like him

deena04 posted 5/23/2019 22:45 PM

Itís great to hear from you. Prayers and hugs heading to you to keep on, keeping on!

BearlyBreathing posted 5/23/2019 23:30 PM

What an empowering update. Keep kicking Earlís butt, and Iíll keep an eye out for your new reality show about upkeep on homes :-). Hope your son feels better- his dad really is an ass.

Williesmom posted 5/24/2019 08:50 AM

((lillies)) You've been in my thoughts.

StillLivin posted 5/24/2019 16:43 PM

Late to the shindig. So sorry you're dealing with cancer. Praying for you. God I really hate your X. I just dont get how people have so little regard for their little miracles. It breaks my heart every time I read a post of how shitty your poor baby is treated. Do try to get more custody and time. That is so unhealthy for him.

NEPAlady posted 5/24/2019 20:05 PM

Hi Lilies
Glad to hear you are plugging along.
So happy for you that DS is improving from surgery.
Donít worry about Asshat trying to use Earl against you. Heís honestly not smart enough.
But you can use it in your favor so to speak. As in wanting more time with DS. It doesnít seem to be your nature to do that but keep it in mind if Asshat grows a brain. (Ok a few more functioning cells. )

Remember to carve out some time to do some special stuff for you. You deserve it.

ADryHeat posted 5/25/2019 01:03 AM

Hi Lillies! 💜

I took a break from this space for awhile because I needed to for my forward progression, so I hadnít caught up on this.

Just wanted to send you so much love and healing energy. This is so much to deal with, but youíve shown the world you can walk through hell and come out the other side stronger and braver. You got this!

steadychevy posted 5/25/2019 07:47 AM

Look out, Bob Villa!!!!!

You have more strength and ability than you give yourself credit for. Look at you. Fighting Earl, healing DS, home repair, work. Wow.

I have to say that it seems the co-parenting schedule isn't about co-parenting. This has been going on a long time and it is clearly very hard on DS. His IC must be kept up. Surely a family court judge would want what is best for a child. What's best for a child isn't something that causes childhood depression. Documentation from a psychological professional and evidence supplied by DS himself would have an impact.

I'm praying for you and DS, lilies.

josiep posted 5/25/2019 08:50 AM

So glad to here that you're doing well and that DS recovered and is doing so well. Good news! And of course, learning how to fix stuff is really rewarding in a fun way.

I know your X is an asshat of the worst variety but perhaps you could pave the way for all of this if you sent him a message about how much DS loves him and wants to spend time with just him, playing ball, doing a project, something with just the two of them for a couple of hours during his visits.

Document it all, as always.

And then if he doesn't rise to the occasion, which we all pretty much suspect he won't because he's caught up in another aspect of his life, then go to the counselor and ask for her advice. And maybe she could coach DS on ways to ask his Dad for more one-on-one time?

Shockedmom posted 5/25/2019 16:31 PM

Hey there lilies,

Kudos to you for taking on the joys of homeownership! You have just begun a master series in saving a fortune in home repairs.

Your battle with Earl seems to be going ok. Keep battling and let us know when your protocol is finished and Earl has been thoroughly trounced.

Iím sorry your son is having such a rough time with his dad. It is truly a shame the way he is being treated. Perhaps time with a therapist will help him find some peace with this as well as create a report worthy of court review for custody issues.

As always so happy to read your update. Stay strong.

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