SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Sounds like a tough night for you. Try to get some rest - you do not deserve this pain and you know tomorrow will be a new day, hopefully better day.

Sending you strength.

Jack, you are making it happen – surviving infidelity. And your posts sound like a voice of someone who knows his values and not compromising them. I'm glad to see your strength. And your pain will fade away, just keep the door closed.

It hurts, brother.

Try to leave the bottle alone moving forward. It takes you to places you will not want to be.

Jack, stay strong. You are on the right path. The pain you feel now pales in comparison to the pain you would feel back with her. As you noted, some people are just broken and there is no fixing a lot of peoples broken. It is their demon to deal with, not yours.

We are here for you.

We're here...always will be...for as long as you need us.

The last thing she said to me via text

Gently, jack...BLOCK HER NUMBER. NC = no new hurts. There is nothing you need to hear from her or say to her.

Hope you have something fun planned for the weekend. If not, start making plans.

edited for typos

[This message edited by Lalagirl at 7:20 AM, July 7th (Friday)]

Holding on by a thread today. The pain is overwhelming and intense. I want my old life back, before the shit hit the fan, but it's gone forever and there is nothing I can do about it. I touched the hot stove and it obviously burned me. I'm going off of maximum work and minimal sleep. I don't want to punish her anymore. I don't wan tot live in this misery with this stomach ache and pain. There is no one I can talk to about it without breaking down. Thank God for IC later...

I don't want to punish her anymore.

Are you still in contact? You need to 180 in order to heal.

Friend you sound in a tough spot. You have IC which is great. Have you seen your Doc to help regulate your sleep? Things look and feel so much worse when we are sleep deprived.

Please take of you. And that means not letting her hurt you via contact. Keep posting, we are here.

Jack, there are hundreds and hundreds of people supporting you here. Up the frequency of your IC visits if necessary.

I don't want to punish her anymore.

Please believe rationally that you are nor punishing her. Yes, she may be pain. That is a hell of her own making though, isn't it? Talk to your therapist about this thought that you have. She is not a victim. She is a perpetrator.

NC was broken on 7/4 and multiple times since then. I've fallen into being weak and bargaining trying to salvage a dream that was never real. I'm not strong enough to resist the temptation to reach out now that there is a crack or glimmer of hope. It sucks so bad. This pain is worse than my divorce 5 years ago. I'm doing my best to just hold on, pray, and hope that the pain goes away. It's so intense. The anxiety and the brain trash are overwhelming. Thank you all for being here.

Hang in there. It WILL get better. Stay NC with her. Painful as this is, you dodged a bullet by not marrying her.

I'm not strong enough to resist the temptation to reach out now that there is a crack or glimmer of hope.

There isn't any hope, unless you want to trash your dignity and self respect.

What you are feeling is normal but every time you contact her you just prolong the pain and she wins. Its a battle of wills and sounds like so far she is beating you. Remember, she is not a victim, you are. She choose to cheat and move him in because she WANTED to, not because she had to. Her fairy tale isn't working out (nothing kills an affair faster than turning it into a real relationship) so now she wants Plan B back until something better comes along. You are being played and it's not your fault, you just got a bad apple.

[This message edited by Dobby at 10:11 AM, July 11th (Tuesday)]

I'm not strong enough to resist the temptation to reach out now that there is a crack or glimmer of hope.

Not sure how her moving in the "good doctor" is a glimmer of hope...

Listen, Jack. I am sorry to say it, but you ARE GOING TO SUFFER FOR A WHILE.

Either while recovering from what she did to your heart, manipulated, lied, and slept with other men. She even plays pious, which pisses me off so much. Hope there is a special place in hell for her kind. You miss her, you miss the kid, you miss the dream, You hate thinking the doctor "won" somehow over you (he didn't but it feels like it.) We get it. IT HURTS.

OR you can go back to her and suffer a DIFFERENT kind of pain..the pain of being a sucker who can be led around by the nose by this manipulative liar. And then, when you finally break from her, guess what, you will STILL go through what you are going now. You'll just be older with a lighter wallet, and the little girl will be old enough to remember you maybe and be even more harmed by your exit.

Choose to suffer now...we're here. It WILL get better. BLOCK HER. NC=NO NEW HURTS!

Sending you hugs from Germany.

[This message edited by latebloomer45 at 5:37 PM, August 4th (Friday)]

Jack:

I know the pain, brother. The love of the dysfunctional can be simply intoxicating, until you consider that it is not reserved exclusively for you.

What the person in the mirror have to say to you when you consider taking her back?

Read

The Man In The Glass

When you get what you want in your struggle for self

And the world makes you king for a day

Just go to the mirror and look at yourself

And see what that man has to say.

For it isn’t your father, or mother, or wife

Whose judgment upon you must pass

The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life

Is the one staring back from the glass.

He’s the fellow to please – never mind all the rest

For he’s with you, clear to the end

And you’ve passed your most difficult, dangerous test

If the man in the glass is your friend.

You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years

And get pats on the back as you pass

But your final reward will be heartache and tears

If you’ve cheated the man in the glass.

Shithead chiropractor is out. She asked him to move out after running into me on the 4th. Not that any of that matters. I'm trying to be strong but the pain is intense and extremely debilitating. I didn't want to let SI/myself down and I thought I had this licked. I may yet still. I'm sorry. The roller coaster of emotions is overwhelming. I've slept maybe 3 hours a night for the past 5 days. She's broken, I know that, and it is appealing to my better nature of grace, forgiveness, and mercy. She's not really trying to fix anything though. She's just there with her indifference, doubt, rugsweeping etc. She says that I'm too intense and it makes her withdraw. I asked her what she expected? She said she was sorry and that she gets it. She doesn't get that she stole our life from me and her daughter. Fucking hurts.

I'm in love with the dream of when/how it first started, like a drug, I'm fighting to kick the habit. Have IC today and CODA tonight.

Jack, please, please don't tell me you believe the doctor moved out because she told you so!

I truly am sorry you are feeling the effects of the coaster recently. It does get better! However, no contact is critical to your recovery. Quit pain shopping. Work on you. Go out with your friends, focus on activities you like to do by yourself.

When they say reconciliation is a 2 to 5-year process, please believe them. Even with a remorseful spouse, it is probably one of the most difficult things I have ever done in my life. I tell you this as a man who went through a year-and-a-half-long divorce process. We had a full-blown custody battle that went all the way to the state supreme court. I had to live with my ex throughout the process.

I know it is difficult my friend. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Sending you strength.

[This message edited by 5454real at 1:12 PM, July 11th (Tuesday)]

Change her name in your phone to "DO NOT CALL UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE". This sounds silly but it helps more than a bit

Anytime you pick up your phone to call her DROP to the ground and do 10 pushups as fast as you can. Ten pushups is JUST enough to get the juices flowing and for you to get over any momentary weakness.

Drink 150oz water a day. Drink and keep drinking. Keeping your body hydrated and flowing is the healthiest thing you can do. It keeps bad chemicals away. Bad chemicals that make you weak.

Stop saying you are not strong enough to break free from her. In fact, it's not all her you are breaking away from - it's that secure, comfortable life that you had and desperately want back. You must believe me here - accept that nothing will ever get back that life. That's ok because, if you honestly think about it, was it really so blissful? In a major breakup like this, people, men in particular, often destroy themselves with feelings of love & memories of blissful happiness that were never there to begin with. Tell me truthfully - does this strike a chord with you?

This torture is a major part of denial, but it will ease and then pass. Every time you give in to your craving for contact with her you are resetting everything back to zero. The good news is, and always has been, that if you can maintain NC you will detach from her and see that imaginary life for what it truly was. In addition, you will begin to see how much harder that life would be because of her cheating. We all do this - we can only see what we will lose because we know what it is. We cannot see what we will gain because you've never had it. It takes a leap of faith to stay on the NC path knowing that you will be set free. Hang in there - it does not take nearly as long as you fear. I promise that you will begin to notice that the pull is not as strong and you can start to see good things ahead in one month. Total and complete NC for four weeks and you will see that the advice we've been giving you on this is true.

She's broken, I know that, and it is appealing to my better nature of grace, forgiveness, and mercy. She's not really trying to fix anything though. She's just there with her indifference, doubt, rugsweeping etc. She says that I'm too intense and it makes her withdraw. I asked her what she expected? She said she was sorry and that she gets it. She doesn't get that she stole our life from me and her daughter. Fucking hurts.

I'm in love with the dream of when/how it first started, like a drug, I'm fighting to kick the habit. Have IC today and CODA tonight.

If you feel yourself weakening and considering taking her back, consider this - as bad as you feel now, if you leave her, she cannot hurt you like this again. If you take her back, you are almost certainly going to feel this pain again when she cheats on you again. Once is enough. Protect yourself. Strength to you!

For the most part I don't have any advice for you that isn't already in the thread. But this:

I didn't want to let SI/myself down and I thought I had this licked. I may yet still.

Letting SI down shouldn't even cross your mind. We're a bunch of internet strangers who have been there before, and we want the best for you, but you have to determine what the best for you is and your opinion is the only one that counts. We may bitch at you if we disagree with your decision but that'll go away in a few days. Your decisions effect on you is the one you have to live with.