Since I will be Divorcing today I would like yo add my two cents worth for the new people who just joined the forum or who are considering S/D.
Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth....Pema Codran
Fear: If I kick him out I will lose everything I ever worked for and the house will be foreclosed on and ruin my credit.
Reality: I did lose my house/land/farm, but I sold it just in time to avoid a foreclosure and saved my credit. I got all the furniture and household items so starting over in an apartment as actually fun. No grass to mow, weeds to pull, cows to feed, no maintanence and it is cheaper than my house payment, utilities are lower. I do miss my garden, land, home, cattle,
but have found a great farmers market that has locally grown vegtables.
Fear: My heart will break so bad that I will just give up with my health conditions being so bad...What do I have left to live for.
Reality: I have actually gotten much better health wise since we separated. I have lost weight, but am eating better. My depression has gotten much better.
Fear: I am 52yrs old and will never find anyone else that will love me the way STBX loves me.
Reality: He did not love anyone but himself. He used love bombing as a way to control and manipulate and detract me from the real issueshe was creating with his double life. I also found I don't need a man to feel loved. I love myself and that's what is important.
Fear: I have never lived alone. I will become a hermit.
Reality: I was being a hermit at my own home and being depressed everyday. I now get up, get dressed, straighten the apartment, and am ready to go on a new adventure. I don't have to answer to anyone about where I am or what time I will be home. It is so freeing.
Fear:I will be financially destitute and will be living on the streets.
Reality: I have friends and family that have offered me a place to stay. Although I'm not rich, I do better without him. He wanted to save his, while I spent mine (disability) on groceries, household items, 1/2 the bills, etc.. He would not take some of the bills and was making me use my IRA's to get by every month. I can now buy what I want within reason and don't have to worry about how much he is spending. Plus I got SS and 1/2 his pension due to my disability.
Fear: I will get sick in the middle of the night (it has happened before) and have no one to take me to the ER.
Reality: My friends check on me day and night and said they would be there for me if I have an emergency.
I am sure there are others, but I just wanted newbies to know that our fear is often worse than our reality. (((HUGS)))