I guess it's my turn for fears and realities. Filing next week for D from WH#2, so more fears than realities. Those will come later.
1. Fear: That I will have to sell my home and land because WH#2 will not help with the mortgage and the house will go into forclosure before I can sell it
2. Fear: Having to sell all the farm equipment that WH#1 and WH#2 always used on our farm.
3. Fear: Having to sell my cattle.
Reality: I sold all the cattle this week because I didn't know how to use the tractor to put out the bales of hay.
4. Fear: I have a blood disease and stage 4 cirrohis (Non-alcohol related) and don't know how I will get to the doctors or hospital when I have a bad bleed again.
Reality: I can always call an ambulance or a friend or neighbor to take me and pick me up.
5. Fear: I am now on a fixed income(SSI)due to my illness and am afraid I won't be able to pay my bills.
Reality: I still have money in my IRA he can't touch since he has more than I do.
I can get part of his pension, and he may have to pay alimoney and half the mortgage until the place is sold.
6. Fear: (I know this will sound stupid to some people) I fear my poor boxer dog will not adjust well to apartment life. His favorite thing is being able to run around in the pastures and chase rabbits and play with the cattle. He has sat by the door waiting for his dad everyday now for 3 weeks. It is so sad because like small children he doesn't understand.
7. Fear: XWH#1 showed up to offer his help.
Reality: I was over you a long time ago and will not subject myself to you again. You will not make money by helping me.
8. Fear: My step-sons and the rest of his family will not want anything to do with me and will accept the OW
Reality: I got a card today from one of WH#2's sisters saying she will always consider me a part of her family. His parents are really upset at him, but probably won't say anything to him, but they also said that they loved me and to keep in touch.
9. Fear: WH#2 now has a assault with a deadly weapon charge and I am expected to testify against him and also go in for a 2yr protective order. This will probably cost him his job if he is found guilty (which he was) and that will affect my getting money he owes for mortgage and alimony.
10. Fear: WH#2 will lie and do other hateful things to me during the D.
11. Fear: No one will ever love me again with my illness and my age (52)
12: Fear: If I do get a new liver who will help take care of me.
I guess that's about all for now. Since I have went down this road once before on some of my fears, I pretty much know how the D will go. He didn't fight too much in his first marriage, so hopefully he is the coward he has turned out to be and will not fight too hard. At least we don't have children to fight over, but I will miss seeing my neices and nephews.