Jesus H christ on a popsicle stick. If I had a nickel for every "unmet needs, infidekitt story I've read . . .well, I'd have a lot of nickels and would still be broke. Meh.
The unmet needs angle is bullshit. No one will ever meet our needs 100%. Sorry, I've done anectdotal rsearch and the reasearch team has concluded that someone who cheats on you and uses the unmet needs excuse is lying. They wanted to cheat on you so they did. I am sorry, but it is easy to over think things.
I've been on this ride for too long and I have several really shitty T-shirts. My point is that the unmet needs falacy is something invented to sell inadequete "marriage industrial complex," materials for 39.95 plus shipping and handling. It's a lazy excuse for deciding to betray someone.
This sucks. I can't pretty up those words because things like having your spouse betray you sucks donkey balls. I am sorry, but you are better off knowing the truth and some counselors are terrible. If you don't find a good one keep looking. Bad counselors wasted a lot of my time.
Unmet needs justification is lazy. Any,"counselor," who gives that as the reason is lazy and has not kept up on the current way of thinking. Just like any profession not everyone graduated at the top of their class and some of them really don't want to help anyone. Sad? Pessimistic? Yeah, but not changing my answer.
Our spouses cheated on us because they wanted to do so. Many will cite a lot of reasons which are actually justifications to distract you from the harx truth that they wanted to do this. Any answer given is just lies our cheating spouses told themselves to feel better about making a choice they know is wrong and hurtful.
Excuses are like assholes. Everybody has one.
Sometimes cheating, hurtful, fucktards see the error of their ways and sometimes they don't. (See unmet needs and other bullshit).
They are always reasons to cheat on your spouse. While typing this I just thought of seven reasons why I would be justified in cheating on my W. Why would I not do so? Because I have integrity. When I make promises I intend to keep them. Further I can do a lot of things that I can convince myself are justified. I can, but I won't because even if no one found out I would still know and I don't want to live with that. I love myself too much to hurt me in that way.
At the end of the day you only have your word and integrity. Our spouses lost integrity and the ability to be authentic humans who do what they say.
Yeah, Any justification our spouses can come up with make them feel better, but it doesn't help us at all.
There are no shortcuts here. The only way I've found to heal is to work on yourself. Nothing our waywards can say or do come close to the healing I've done on myself. That is the key. Working on yourselve and figuring out that you can do better than having a chezting spouse. You were always worthy and no one ever deserves being cheated on.
Sometimes we have bad days so we can tell the good ones from the bad ones. You are going to have bad days. In those moments it is too easy to peg something we did or did not do to cause our spouses to cheat. We are all individual persons witb autonomy.
Our choices do define us (Sorry waywards reading this). Your task is to figure out if your spouse is capable of change. It is hard and not everyone has the cajones to actually do that.
Sorry, but in this complex mess it really is that simple. Can your husband get his head out of his ass long enough to see it was him and no one else that decided to betray you.
Sure, we can do mental gymnastics about the, "reasons," and other things we could have done to ensure our spouses fidelity. I hate to break it to you, but that is just trying to take agency from our spouses. It was not a choice we made. Our choice comes after Dday. We decide if our wayward is capable of change.
Look, this is getting too long so let me end with this. There are always, "reasons," to betray your spouse. We don'tisten to those voices because we live authentically. We have to figure out if our spouses can do the same.
I am reconciled. It happens. The biggest piece to that was my wife doing a lot of work on herself. I did the same and that is the only shortcut I've found to date.
If you find others please share😄