Hi all, got a few minutes so I'm going to reply as much as I can.
Bigger, I know you're right man. Always the voice of reason on here. Keep at it.
Truth is all I've ever wanted from this. Its what I need. If I didn't leave years ago its because I didn't have it. Thing is, I have no intention of living out the rest of my life as a cuckold and she is putting heavy pressure to get into a mortgage for the next 20 years when I am in a place where I don't trust her. This sets some urgency on the matter.
Regarding the recordings, you're right, they are unclear. One of the 2 is recording from another room so the sound quality is not that good. In the other recording the window is open and construction has moved very close to the house so the noises overpower a good portion of that recording. Neither is 100% proof by my reckoning.
Regarding the gym clothes. Let me elaborate. A couple months ago my wife signed up for a specialized fitness class for people with various health problems. She had back surgery a couple years ago and has been putting on weight and losing muscle mass since. As far as I was concerned this was a very positive devellopment since she really needed to get back into shape. Now, she goes to gym on Thursday afternoon. I work from home on Thursdays. Her class is from 3 to 4 PM and then she goes to pick up our son at 4:30 and is generally home around 5 or so. At 2:30 she leaves telling me she has her gym class. I notice she is not wearing her gym clothes which is unusual as every other time she would prep before leaving and change after class. Gets home around 5 as usual and asks me to bring up her things I can't remember for what specific reason. This is when I notice that her gym clothes are still folded, dry (she generally sweats a lot during her session) and smell like laundry. Best I can tell, they weren't worn. I've seen her clothes when she gets back from the gym on other days. Balled up and wet from sweat. I ask her about her gym class and she tells me it went well, but at no point does she mention being sore from the workout as she had each other time she went. Now on that point and in all fairness, last two weeks she didn't complain about sore muscles either and her gym clothes were obviously used. However, when she was getting ready to go to the next class she asked me to check in the car if there were clean socks with her gym shoes. 1 pair, not only clean but new, still folded as per packaging.
When I call her out on the gym clothes she denies they were unused as well as the socks which she was present when I pulled them out of the bag to show her. ITS ALL IN MY FUCKING HEAD
So you're right, I haven't walked in on her caught in the act per se. I doubt I would be able to catch her in such a manner. She's really smart. Getting what I have has taken a lot of effort.
1stWife, this is what I'm most worried about. That either she decided or was advised by some magazine article or friend or whatever to just straight up deny and rely on cognitive dissonance to do all the work for her. I'm almost out the door at this point.
Butforthegrace, I tried the VAR in her car the first month or so. Never got a lick of anything interesting. Even tried her cargo bike. Her purse (I think she found it at one point). The only place I ever got any recording of interest was in her home office or in the bedroom and still nothing actionnable.
Cooley2Here, yeah the circumcision comment was one of the things that set me hardest. Especially given the stress tone. I've been considering contacting the ex. I can't decide if I should.
Hellfire, yeah the hello is what blew my mind. I was going to request she take a poly until some members dissuaded me. I'm not sure its the right move at this point.
HardKnocks, yeah, those comments have led to multiple arguments since where she tries to play it off as just banter. However, the last argument we had on the subject got heated and for a brief moment the mask slipped so to speak. She started to lay in on me for absurd things that had nothing to do with me personally. I can't remember the specifics because I was transfixed by her face. It was like I was talking to a stranger. I can't remember ever seeing her like that.
I Realize that I rushed my post, there are things that I maybe could have expressed better, but I had no way of knowing if I would have more time later and I wanted to get the main points on while I had a chance. There are also a few things I have left out but I may explain later, they could also be relevant or not at all.