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Newest Member: Unsureofhope

General :
Is my wife cheating, please advise

Topic is Sleeping.
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ChamomileTea ( Guide #53574) posted at 8:02 PM on Tuesday, September 27th, 2022

Is it necessary to divorce on grounds where you live? I can't think why you need to prove adultery to get a divorce. If you're not happy and you don't trust your wife, why not just leave her because you're not happy and you don't trust her?

BW: 2004(online EAs), 2014 (multiple PAs)Married 38 years; in R with fWH for 7

No one can make you into a liar but you.

posts: 6192   ·   registered: Jun. 8th, 2016   ·   location: U.S.
id 8757242
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MIgander ( member #71285) posted at 9:25 PM on Tuesday, September 27th, 2022

Hi CJ, it sounds like youre doing as much as you can to get the info you need.

I hate snapchat. Its the app i used in my A and the app H used during his. I dont know how to keep friends a secret as i am nit that advanced a tech person. There may be some way to do that though.

Whatsap is also a favorite app for cheaters.

I agree with others on a VAR and maybe a hidden cam in the bedroom. If you absolutely need the knowledge of locations she has been an apple tracker could work.

Either way, it sounds like the secrecy, lying and hiding has been going on for a long time now if your investigative skill are becoming this advanced. Is this the life you want to live? Do you want to live with a woman who lies to you and emasculates you regularly?

Why are you hanging on to your M?

WW/BW Dday July 2019. BH/WH- multiple EA's. Back at it again- bantering w the younger woman. Lied about blocking phone calls and deleted texts. Carried on with her. Financial infidelity again- who says you only cheat with lovers?

posts: 902   ·   registered: Aug. 15th, 2019   ·   location: Michigan
id 8757259
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Buster123 ( member #65551) posted at 3:42 AM on Wednesday, September 28th, 2022

The "hello" while probably masturbating (since her older son was in the house) most likely indicates there's at least another person involved, could be sexting with an AP, could be Webcam or like someone else mentioned an Onlyfans account, dating App/website, etc., again people simply don't greet themselves before a sexual act, maybe a hidden camera could pick more but even if she's only performing virtual/online sexual acts with/for other people without your knowledge and consent to me that's infidelity.

posts: 2697   ·   registered: Jul. 22nd, 2018
id 8757311
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Bigger ( Attaché #8354) posted at 10:39 AM on Wednesday, September 28th, 2022

When you confronted did you share that you had recordings?
If not, then use what you have to finesse your investigation.
It’s clear that your location for the VAR in her home office and the bedroom wasn’t good enough to give you a clear recording. However it does tell you that she’s doing something that you question in those locations. Relocate the VAR’s; if she’s doing online sex in the bedroom its probably from the bed rather than standing in front of the dresser, it’s probably from the office-chair in front of the computer rather than on the filing-cabinet. Maybe even hide a camera since you know the where.

But friend – for every reason you think it was sex I could possibly give you an equally logical non-sexual reason. Maybe she was saying hello to a picture or the cute aerobic trainer in the online exercise recording, or talking back to Alexa or Siri. Heck… I greet a portrait of my dad that hangs in my office every morning and talk to him regularly.

"Sex" – even online and maybe especially infidelity sex – tends to have a build-up. She doesn’t just go to her home-office and contact OM out of the blue, say hello and then fingers-away! There would be some arrangement (done with some form of communications) and when the call is made some form of mutual back-and-forth build up. You only got the "hello" and no "how are you" or "he’s not home" or "I’m in the office now" or whatever.

Use those two factors: Communications (discover how, when, where and work from there) and location/positioning of monitoring devices.
If she is suspicious of you recording her then she might change locations but if there is an affair ongoing it won’t just stop. Frequency might change, but she’s going to be meeting OM in life or online somehow somewhere. People generally feel safe in their space (bedroom, office) and if she suspects you of recording her she will do a search. If she doesn’t = she doesn’t suspect you.

HOWEVER – and this is the key statement I have been making all the time: IF after a REASONABLE time you don’t have CLEAR evidence of infidelity then maybe it’s because you are searching for something that ISN’T THERE.

It's all a moot point however if you don’t want this marriage. Its extremely unlikely that infidelity factors in any way or form if you divorce. Maybe your next logical step would be to research divorce and see if there is anything you need to line up before filing.

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

posts: 11167   ·   registered: Sep. 29th, 2005
id 8757324
Topic is Sleeping.
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