Hello again, once again I really appreciate all of your responses, there is a lot of food for thought. I was up half the night considering what was said in the first responses yesterday already. I will do my best to respond to everyone in order.
Let me preface this with my intentions of obtaining VARs at least 1 GPS and probably going to request a polygraph. A lot of people have mentionned all 3. I heard you all.
Bigger. I thought the hammer and nail analogy was spot on. I'm taking that into consideration with each response. I realize I have come to a place where people will be more likely to take the innocuous and see into it. Thats kind of where I am as well. That being said, smoke means fire. I agree that what I have may not be quite enough to explode my life. I suppose part of why I am here is to seek advice as to how to go about obtaining solid evidence. The truth is all I have ever wanted. I can't R or D without it. I doubt I'll find anything money related, she has all that info since she handles all our finances. Maybe I can figure a way to get my hands on it. If I do, I'm really good at sparsing data, part of what I do for a living. If something is there I'll find it. As said earlier, I'm already looking at VARs, planning on getting at least 2 but maybe more for easy switching out for charging and getting the recordings. Regarding mementos, I've searched and tried to think if anything was out of the ordinary or something new had taken a big place. I've yet to find anything significant or other. Regarding logical, that would apply more to the last time I thought she was cheating. Shower yes, but only the one time (that I know about). Checked laundry almost every day for the first few months following the panty incident. Noticed that on a few occasions they were wet from having been hand washed. I've looked in trash on a few occasions when I had a feeling something was up. Only thing I ever found that seemed suspect was several tissues stashed but I didn't see anything on them that seemed sex related so I don't know. Now that you mention the car, I had noticed a cup from KFC that was probably from the day she did the Hotel to KFC run. She seemed a little off when she said to me oh yeah I stopped at KFC the other day. Trying to play something off that didn't need to be played off. I remembered because it seemed odd the way she had said that and when I saw the hotel KFC run on her google maps history I made the connection. I know not to jump to conclusions. I'm doing my best man. Its hard sometimes.
This0is0fine - see preface
MIgander, the exhibitionism is what started me. I ignored multiple signs, and even some gut feelings before that. I don't even know what to think. Its so unlike her. The best I can figure is that she was having an affair with one of the construction workers and he put her up to it.
Humantrampoline (is that a Graceland reference?) I WANT HONEST RESPONSES, EVEN BRUTALLY HONEST! I understand I am in somthing that could be considered akin to an echo chamber, but this is the place I found (and I searched a lot) where the people seemed to best recognize signs and know how to deal with infidelity. Really what I was looking for when I found this place is advice on how to deal with a lying or stonewalling WW to elicit a confession with R as goal. There is almost nothing out there. As you may have read in some of my comments I do not want to make any final decisions without something really solid. I'm not as concerned for my well being as I am for that of my son. I want him to have a strong 2 parent family. The problem is if there is infidelity I could be doing more harm to him by staying. As much as I want to figure this out for myself, I want this for him even more. I appreciate the kind words. I have always tried to do right as best I can. I'm not perfect. At times I can be lazy, obsessive, I procrastinate, I can be dismissive and probably other things. But I really do try. There have been communication problems for years. I've tried to get her to spend more time with me and talk more openly. There have been some efforts on her part, but they never last. I think regarding the polygraph, I will make taking one a condition of my not accusing her anymore and accepting to go to therapy. We'll see how she reacts to that.
Underserving, I have a very poor sense of smell, worst of my 5 senses by far. That being said, there was a distinct odor of sex. Perhaps the sperm smell is what I associate with sex smell.
Jameson1977, MIgander has some great points. I agree. Regarding your post on the other thread, I will reply there if I get a chance.
Halftime2017 I'd really never thought of her as an exhibitionist ever. There are a couple things over the years that might have passed as slightly exhibitionist, but for the vast majority she has seemed rather modest. I KNOW she does a lot of talking with her friends in her car. She is on Whatsapp before turning the key to the ignition, then its vocal after vocal. Which she deletes unless it is uninteresting work related. I can't afford a PI for any duration beyond a couple days. I make a decent living but I'm not rich by any means. PI costs too much. If she still is having an affair, its maybe once or twice a month. I've been watching for the signs of it, next time I see one, I'll call in sick at work and follow her myself. Thing is, my car is really big. No way of being discrete with it. Haven't figured out how to do that one yet, but probably she will first drop off the boy then go to her office (she has her own private practice as a medical specialist) I can stash the car a block away and then just watch who comes in and out all day. She should only be seeing women or couples.
DoinBettr, I've been thinking about activating parental control type app on her phone. We have the same model so I can practice on mine first. I've been meaning to do that for a while, just haven't managed to get to it yet. The goo wasn't a yeast infection, I've seen those before. This was not that.
RealityBlows, yeah I hear you. I feel a lot of this is circumstantial as well. Only reason I haven't walked out yet. I'm not sure I can trust my lying eyes and gut... I started doing the DrFone once and only got a little information that I hadn't already found myself. Nothing particularly helpful. There might be more I could get from it with the full version. I almost did go that route a few months ago. What I really need is a way to open WhatsApp archives (I managed to get several). As far as socials apps goes, she is part of some specialized communities that communicate through them, both internally and externally. I can't really say more as it will narrow the field a lot and could potentially dox us. Its a very small specialized field. I can't make her get off them as its part of her work and volunteer activities. I checked for shuttering as I'm familiar with the practice. Couldn't see anything there. I've been checking her battery usage to see what apps shes on, couldn't find screen time, didn't think of checking data usage. Good idea.
ChamomilleTea, I know the trust is a big problem. Between my first D and my current W I had major trust issues that prevented me from forming strong relationships with the few women I actually did like. It didn't help that 2 of them were serial cheaters either. My current W is the first woman I have trusted in over a decade and I now worry that even that trust was misplaced. I'm pretty sure I'm going to go the Polygraph route. I've already found a place that does them near here. I'd rather not D if there is no infidelity, see above comments pertaining to my son, not to mention that I do love my W. This whole situation has been tearing at my psyche for a while. Some days I'm surprised how well I've managed to hold up. Thing is, I'm worried that I'm the one who is messed up and she is the one suffering from it. Thanks for your advice, its taken into consideration.
Ariopolis, as I said above, the exhibition is what set me off. The rest is what I was able to cobble together in the 6 months since. She really has no reason to feel constrained. I've not prevented her from doing anything or seeing anyone since we've been together. I do need to work on the self discipline. I've been trying but I have a tendency to wear my emotions on my face when they pass a threshold.
Stevesn, the cloning the phone is an amazing idea. I'll look into it.
Grubs, I'm planning on going the Polygraph as a condition for therapy route, but perhaps I will try it the other way around. And you're right, so far this is not working. I've done everything I could think of on my own before asking for help. Thats why I'm here man. Thank you. As far as her spying my phone, I honestly don't mind, I have nothing to hide.
MorningGlory, I agree with most of what you say. The only thing I would say is that she WAS being pretty flagrant. If its still going on, it is way on the down low now. She has a work function tomorrow all day, I'm going to make sure to swing by in the middle to see if she is there for real. As far as the polygraph goes, I'm probably going to do it if for nothing more than to see if she agrees to it. Then I will go from there. I am however going to wait until I have a VAR in her car and maybe in her purse if I can find a small one so I can gauge her true reactions via her conversations.
ChamomilleTea, Not planning on setting up cams anywhere. Thought about it at one point but dismissed as impractical.
Survus, I think it was one of the construction workers as well. I didn't say as much in the post as I wanted to see if others came to the same conclusion. I'd considered the possibility that her ex was the victim and not the problem, except most of what I know of him point to him being a serious asshole. I met him a few times and have heard stories from other parties.
The1stWife, I fucking hate policing my wife. I don't want to be that guy. I am extremely patient and resilient, despite that this is pushing me to my edge. Its not for her that I need to have proof that puts this beyond doubt, its not for me either. Its for my son. I do not want to make a mistake on this. I have to be certain.