"The lack of trust is killing our relationship."
You know you need to deal with that. If you don't address it, just end the marriage now as it will end after more pain, more crying, more distress between now and whenever the end comes.
And she won't be honest with you or herself regarding this, she hasn't all this time and she's not going to begin now.
Have her take a polygraph.
Now, don't tell her to unless you'll leave her when she says no, that you need to trust her.
Uh, how's that been working out for you the last 14 years OP?
Not good. Here is some of what you wrote:
"I have had triggers and flashbacks all along the 14 years."
"I am triggered into crying spells often."
OP, I don't want to see you choose to continue living this way the rest of you life.
Tell her that you can't, that it's killing you, tearing you up inside. Tell her she has the medicine you need. Ask her if she wants you to be in such pain for the rest of your life.
OP, it's actions. She'll either address this for you or she'll keep twisting the knife she placed into your back all those years ago, one that remains there to this day.
If she won't take a poly for you, you have your answer. That will be her telling you that it's too bad, but you're going to have to live like this the rest of your life, with triggers and flashbacks regularly, having more crying spells etc.
It's past time for her to step up and demonstrate her love to you, for you. Love is a verb, it requires action, not just words.
She'll either do this for you or she won't.
If she won't and you choose to remain with her, you've resigned yourself to a future of hurt, pain, misery, flashbacks, crying etc.
You will become depressed too, if you aren't already and from your profession you know that this will affect you physically in addition to mentally and none of us need things like this on top of old age.
I sincerely hope you find peace OP, in some way. I'm sorry you've had to live like this for so long and I truly hope you don't have to continue living like this the rest of your life.