Newest Member: itspointless

EmergingLady

First Incident

Hello SI,

I posted my story on my profile. I'm a young lady. I've not been cheated on. I'm positive my father was though, by my mother. They're long divorced. My dad doesn't say anything bad about my mother, he never has. He's held things in and he's not happy and I want him to be happy so I'm reaching to folks who really know about these things and I'm sorry for all of you on this site and what you've had to go through.

Here is a bit of context regarding my father.

He grew up with a single mother and she was mean, abusive in many ways and my dad and his sister went through many things children shouldn't have to (sadly, so many children grow up with abuse).

He grew up having to walk on eggshells around his mother, he had no choice. She went off on him and his sister for seemingly no reason.

My mother was and is feisty. My parents met early on in high school and they were together from then on.

My dad didn't know it back then, but he was walking on eggshells around his gf (my mom).

My dad's parent's divorced when he was just 2 years old. He has no knowledge of ever living with his dad, no memories of it. I included this because my dad didn't grow up with a father and he wanted his children to be able to come home to their mother. He didn't want to divorce as his parents divorced and he certainly didn't like his childhood. He wanted a stable home for his children.

My dad is smart, he did well in business, he provided nicely for all of us, my mom stayed at home with my brothers and me. We had nice things, new homes, new cars, took vacations etc. We weren't rich, but we were comfortable.

My mother was and is greedy and materialistic.

Back then I don't think my dad knew he was a doormat. He was a hard worker in and out of the home. To him, being a man meant doing for his family, providing for them, helping them with whatever. My dad did more around the house than my mother did even though she stayed at home with us children.

My dad bathed us (my brothers and me) each night. He put us to bed each night (with my mom, it was a family affair and those are wonderful memories).

My dad coached us in youth sports. He went to church with us, was involved in so many ways. He took off of work for many things to be with us, for our first day of Kindergarten, first grade, school plays, awards ceremonies etc.

My dad downplayed things my mother did to him. He felt he must have been wrong when his wife was upset with him. He wanted to do for his family, take care of them.

An incident my brothers and I heard from dad about happened when they were in college.

My dad put up a movie poster on his dorm room wall. It was for a movie and there was a lady on the poster. She was dressed. She wasn't a bikini model or anything like that. This was way back in the mid-1980's.

My dad went to class and when he came back to his dorm room, his gf (my future mother) was in there and she was pissed off.

He could see it, sense it, feel it. Her body language and facial expression all told him she was highly ticked off.

The poster wasn't on the wall anymore. She'd taken it down and ripped into about a hundred tiny pieces and had thrown it away.

My dad was apologetic, my mother wasn't and even though I wasn't alive for this way back then, this upsets me.

My dad didn't see anything wrong with what happened.

I've talked to my dad, but he poo-poo's it and doesn't want to discuss it.

I want my dad to know what others think of this so he may begin working on all of this, healing and moving on.

As you all may tell, this wasn't a good harbinger of things to come for my dad and his relationship with my mother as things got worse and I'll post some of those things on here later on.

No, this incident isn't about cheating (future one's I post will be though). This is why I've posted this in the "General" section.

My point is to try and help my dad deal with the whole, not just a few incidents, with things that led to what happened and this is simply my jumping off point.


One other angle for me in all of this is that my older brother (in his late 20's) is very much like my father. He's not emotional, he keeps things in. I want my dad to impart his life knowledge to my brothers and me. I don't want my brothers and me to stumble into things when we could have had our eyes opened wide.

My younger brother is a momma's boy and that bothers me somewhat. Yes, I'm a daddy's girl and I'm proud to say that. I love my dad, he's a wonderful man. He's kind, patient, understanding and he's been my rock all of my life.

One last tidbit for all of good folks and I think this is quite telling too.

Even as a young girl, when I was just 2 and 3 years old, I turned to my dad for comfort. Long time family friends told me that when they were visiting, my mom and dad were seated on the couch and when I was tired I walked over to my dad, crawled up on his lap and chest and laid my head down on his shoulder and I'd fall asleep. My mother was right there mind you, but even when I was 2 and 3 years old, I was going to my dad. When I was afraid at night and went into my parent's bed, I laid down next to and kind of on my father. I wasn't snuggling up to my mother. I wasn't able to think about that being that I was just 2 years old, but somewhere in my head I knew what I was doing.

He's always been there for me and I'm damn sure going to be there for him now.

2 comments posted: Saturday, February 5th, 2022

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