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Newest Member: Papi

Divorce/Separation :
In house separation sucks!

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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 3:12 PM on Thursday, May 19th, 2022

Yeah. I get to add all of their hurt on top of my own. Damn good thing I have IC. Managing the emotions isn't exactly my strong point.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24545   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8735994
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grubs ( member #77165) posted at 3:17 PM on Thursday, May 19th, 2022

The pay back for that is you will be the one that they will end up loving and respecting in the end. He'll just be the selfish asshole of a bio dad with a minimized role in their adult lives.

[This message edited by grubs at 3:18 PM, Thursday, May 19th]

posts: 1265   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2021
id 8735996
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 3:31 PM on Thursday, May 19th, 2022

The older kids who know what's going on may feel that way but the twins haven't been told details so all they know is mommy and daddy are not getting along. Little M spends every second with her dad. I don't want the kids to have a bad relationship with him but at thr same time the older 2 are hurting and can't confront their dad about it. So they stay away from him.

He told me he wants to get his fishing license to take the kids out. He also bought the girls necklaces. Trying to buy their love...

I'm also the tough love parent. The parent with rules and expectations. Big D made a point of telling me his bedtime isn't fair, DS hates that I don't want him playing video games during the week, dd is just a cranky teenager and got pissy with me for reminding her again to feed her cat.

Most of the time wh doesn't bug them about anything and he'd let them stay up late. So there are times they hate mom and prefer dad.

DD also has some other issues going on. She has reached her adult size and GHT is no longer working. She's upset. She's not even my height. She's half the size of her peers. She hates her body. Big D said the same thing, he's too tiny. So these kids need support and not the extra stress if wh and I. I made it clear to wh what big d said and dd's feelings and he wasn't to say one damn word or make any fuss or be a jerk to anyone. From here on out we do not speak unless it's house or kids.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24545   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8736000
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barcher144 ( member #54935) posted at 5:47 PM on Thursday, May 19th, 2022

He told me he wants to get his fishing license to take the kids out. He also bought the girls necklaces. Trying to buy their love...

Just my two cents, but I would encourage him to spend time with your kids. Spending money, in contrast, can be a little hollow. Encourage him to be a better parent than he was a husband.

Me: BH, age 48Her: WS, age 45 (multiple EAs and PAs)D-Day: August 30, 2016

Diagnosed with depression in December 2016, which was primarily caused by my xWW's affair and associated emotional abuse.

posts: 5297   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8736031
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 6:35 PM on Thursday, May 19th, 2022

Well he's separated himself from "family" activities as he only mentioned him getting his fishing license. I'll get my license tomorrow.

Dd wanted a necklace for her grad outfit and he had apparently promised little M hers awhile back when we had all been out shopping and she saw it. Don't know why he didnt get it right then.

He can spend all the time he wants with the kids IF they want to spend it with him. I won't force them to do anything they don't want to.


Edited to fix word

[This message edited by DragnHeart at 6:48 PM, Thursday, May 19th]

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24545   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8736039
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 1:02 AM on Monday, May 23rd, 2022

Weekends suck but holiday weekends suck even more!

Wh wanted to take the kids fishing. Fine with me. Big D sisnt want to go and obviously I didn't. Big D was bent over in pain with a tummy ache. Of course not long after they left he was fine....

Wh was pissy we weren't going. I dont know why this is so difficult for him to understand.

We are NOT a family. We are simply two parents living under the same roof for financial reasons.

He has his time with the kids, I have mine.

This isnt rocket science!

I am so frustrated...

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24545   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8736474
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leafields ( member #63517) posted at 3:54 AM on Monday, May 23rd, 2022

IHS sucks donkey ball$.

Wish I could make it better for you.

((hugs))


ETA: I moved out about a year before I could afford to. Renegotiated my car loan and did a part-time job for a few months to make it work.

[This message edited by leafields at 3:57 AM, Monday, May 23rd]

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 1255   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8736488
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Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 1:04 PM on Monday, May 23rd, 2022

Oh I think he gets it; he just refuses to accept it. rolleyes

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 38 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-38&34 12yo GS,9yo GD & 7yo.GD (DD38) and 10yo GD & 5yo GD(DD34). D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8877   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8736522
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 1:51 PM on Monday, May 23rd, 2022

He needs to be the one to move out! I have the kids to consider and a farm full of animals to care for. Something he will not do!

I dont know why he wants to do family things when he's perfectly fine to play his video game and ignore me any other time. He only wants me around when HE wants it. Ummm no!

Still treating me like shit yet expects me to just stop whatever I am doing and do what he wants.

Fuck that shit!

I envy those whose ws left.
I wish really bad things so I can have some peace.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24545   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8736529
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 3:09 PM on Monday, May 23rd, 2022

And now he's throwing stuff.

His van has a low tire. Not totally flat. Probably picked up a nail or something. Easy fix really.

1. Change tires back from winter to summer duh. The summers are in the basement.

2. Take off low tire, find leak. Repair.

Neither option difficult but he's throwing shit.

Oh and yelling.

This Manchild needs a 2x4 across the head!

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24545   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8736548
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Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 4:47 PM on Monday, May 23rd, 2022

And now he's throwing stuff.

That manchild needs a visit from the cops when he throws these tantrums. You tell them you're afraid he's going to direct the violence toward you.

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 38 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-38&34 12yo GS,9yo GD & 7yo.GD (DD38) and 10yo GD & 5yo GD(DD34). D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8877   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8736569
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Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 4:48 PM on Monday, May 23rd, 2022

Are the kids around when he's doing this shit?

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 38 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-38&34 12yo GS,9yo GD & 7yo.GD (DD38) and 10yo GD & 5yo GD(DD34). D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8877   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8736571
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 4:55 PM on Monday, May 23rd, 2022

I told the kids to stay away from him because he was having a tantrum.

I told him thst it wasn't the end of thr dam world and to stop acting like a child. That I wasn't going to go near him to help of he acted that way because I was afraid of getting hurt.

He text me later. Calmer. So I went to thr garage to see what thr new issue was and he wasn't acting out anymore.

It's like he has multiple personalities. One second a raging lunatic, thr next calm and wondering why I'm angry at him.

Fucking crazy shit.

And yes I considered calling the police. If nothing else he needs a visit from a few big cops to scare him.

Note I couldn't find a hole in the tire. It was just low. But he's put on his summers now.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24545   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8736574
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Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 6:17 PM on Monday, May 23rd, 2022

If nothing else he needs a visit from a few big cops to scare him.

That was my point - he can act all big and bad in front of you and the kids but he'd probably be goo if the police confronted him and he potentially faced spending the night in the joint for DV, especially if the kids are there.

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 38 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-38&34 12yo GS,9yo GD & 7yo.GD (DD38) and 10yo GD & 5yo GD(DD34). D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8877   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8736592
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 6:40 PM on Monday, May 23rd, 2022

I usually intervene which I need to stop doing. Let him rage, destroy stuff then just call the cops.

I'm so angry. Again he took 3 kids fishing. The fourth won't go unless I do. And even then I don't think he wants to fish.

Wh was still trying to get me to go. Saying this was supposed to be a family fishing weekend. Ya well we aren't a family. He said he wanted us to spend time together.

He can't even remove her fucking number from his phones and there's NO reason to have her number there and not every other employee. So no. I'm not playing happy family on weekends while he fucks her during the week.

Fuck. That. Shit!

And I told him that.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24545   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8736603
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Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 7:30 PM on Monday, May 23rd, 2022

I usually intervene which I need to stop doing. Let him rage, destroy stuff then just call the cops.


Something's gotta give, Dragn - this is ridiculous - he needs a dose of reality. Gently, stop intervening.

Wh was still trying to get me to go. Saying this was supposed to be a family fishing weekend. Ya well we aren't a family. He said he wanted us to spend time together.


You are not there at his convenience to play happy family. I'm glad you're sticking to your guns on this.

He can't even remove her fucking number from his phones and there's NO reason to have her number there and not every other employee.


Not your problem anymore. If it isn't her as his OW, it would be someone else, and someone else, and someone else.

Fuck. That. Shit!

And I told him that.


Good! High five for you!

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 38 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-38&34 12yo GS,9yo GD & 7yo.GD (DD38) and 10yo GD & 5yo GD(DD34). D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8877   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8736627
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 7:45 PM on Monday, May 23rd, 2022

It just blows my mind that he wants to play happy family on weekends, then play fuck the whore during the week and expects me to be ok with that.

barf

DS and DD wanted to tell their dad off and I asked them not to. It's not worth them getting wh angry and dealing with his shit.

So far from what I can tell they have enjoyed fishing with him. And that's good.

I'll take them myself. Maybe even get my dad's bass boat and go out on the lake.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24545   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8736635
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zebra25 ( member #29431) posted at 8:06 PM on Monday, May 23rd, 2022

I'm impressed with your self control and strength dealing with your selfish immature wh.

I can't imagine how awful it must be living in the same house.

"Don't let anyone who hasn't been in your shoes tell you how to tie your laces."

D-day April 2010

posts: 2876   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2010
id 8736645
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 8:10 PM on Monday, May 23rd, 2022

This is a test of my resolve not to go to prison....

It's horrible.

From the times he acts out, calls me names, is cruel to the days he won't even acknowledge my presence.

I ask him not to text and he does.

I ask him not to barge into the bedroom and he does.

Now I demand things. No more asking nicely.

I feel like a prisoner in my own home.

I know there's BS's out there devastated that their ws left for thr AP, but I envy them. I wish mine wh would leave.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24545   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8736646
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barcher144 ( member #54935) posted at 11:14 PM on Monday, May 23rd, 2022

From the times he acts out, calls me names, is cruel to the days he won't even acknowledge my presence.

I ask him not to text and he does.

I ask him not to barge into the bedroom and he does.

Now I demand things. No more asking nicely.

I feel like a prisoner in my own home.

You can solve all of this by having him legally removed from your home. You are not doing that because you love your kids. Focus on your love of your kids, which is stronger than your hatred of him.

Focus on the good (your kids), not the bad (him).

Me: BH, age 48Her: WS, age 45 (multiple EAs and PAs)D-Day: August 30, 2016

Diagnosed with depression in December 2016, which was primarily caused by my xWW's affair and associated emotional abuse.

posts: 5297   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8736674
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