So I hadn’t checked in on this thread since my last post, but I begrudgingly arrived at the same conclusion you all did regarding the ring over the last day.
After the last post I went to a different hotel (Il San Pietro) in Positano—without exaggeration, it’s the most beautiful place I’ve been to on Earth. After I proposed to my wife in Rome more than a decade ago, I took her there for the first time. We just went back again this past October.
Coming back here now I was flooded with emotions and I’d say I was more angry that I’ve been throughout this process. Every place on the property had a memory with my wife—and just six months ago we were here and very happy. I couldn’t square the idea that her husband brought her here and she felt so invalidated less than two months later that she began an affair.
It was also a weird day for another reason—and I’ll share this here—but the entire day was filled with potential sexual opportunities.
When I arrived, we had to wait an hour+ for our room—a gorgeous woman approached me and asked if I could take a photo of her. It turned into a bizarre photo shoot—she was an IG model getting paid to travel and wear her cloths. We spent 10 minutes chatting as I took the pics, but I had no interest in pursuing anything.
I went to work out to clear my head, but it just reminded me of being there with my wife who used the bike while I lifted in Oct. The OBS had reached out to me overnight, so I responded once it was time appropriate back in the US. It led to a nearly two hour text exchange; included in it was a proposition for "us to have our fun."
It took me by surprise and I diffused it, saying I’d likely end up feeling worse sinking to my WW’s level.
Then I went out to dinner with my mom and her friends we were meeting—two other older couples. We had to take the shuttle up the mountain to the restaurant and we end up on it with a dozen college girls studying abroad. All seemingly very loose women up for a good time. Again, I was polite, but diffused anything.
Then we arrived at dinner and I was seated across one of the other women (probably 55-60 years old). She was making herself quite clear, noting that she wasn’t married to her partner sitting next to her and trying to play footsie under the table. A very sweet woman, and very attractive for her age, but again I diffused the situation and would bring up my wife often to dissuade her.
That all those situations arose with me at my weakest felt very strange. I’m not religious, but I spent enough time in catholic school to see the lesson in it all.
I really don’t want any of that—I want my wife to fix herself and me to find the generosity to forgive her for what she did. That’s my preferred outcome. However, I do realize giving her the ring now would be a gift of R she has not yet earned. At a minimum, I decided to at least wait until her birthday at the end of May before doing anything with the ring, so that will give me another month to evaluate her progress. If she’s still not there, I can wait longer—I need to try to evaluate her change objectively.
Meanwhile, what do you hear from her. How safe are you feeling with her back at home. Is she working hard to give you peace of mind? Have others reported back to you?
I’ve been on a roller coaster of emotions this trip and she is definitely feeling that. Before bed every night she’s been writing me an email about her day, the kids and how she’s feeling; and it’s the first thing I read in the morning and reply to. We’ve also been texting intermittently. We also sexted twice and that was fun.
Yesterday my mood definitely affected her though—she spent most of the day crying after I sent her photos from the hotel and she’s at the end of her sanity dealing with both children.
If you’re asking how safe I feel about her not cheating now, I feel entirely safe. My family has been with her often and the OBS felt confident my WW and OM have not communicated. All involved agree this A was physical, not romantic, and with both betrayers trying desperately to reconcile, the well is currently poisoned for them with each other.
Anyway, today is my birthday and I’m at the most beautiful place on the planet, so I probably should find a way to enjoy it. Perhaps a visit to the spa might help.
[This message edited by Drstrangelove at 10:29 PM, Thursday, May 26th]