Thank you for sharing those quotes. I appreciated reading them.
And I agree with you - and everyone - the doses of reality (however harsh) are needed, as I know I still have much work to do. I, luckily, found a therapist recently that I really vibe well with. I met with her for my third session yesterday and I am really looking forward to continue my work and development with therapy. She specializes in infidelity-based trauma, which I definitely need... A lot of people in my life have already been suggesting they could set me up on dates and asking me when I am going to go out with another woman...and I am just...not at all close to being ready for that. I'm not! My therapist was very helpful in moving beyond that at all and straight-up asking me if I am even ready to be "fully social" (i.e., making new friends). I told her, honestly, I am not. I explained that so much has happened in my life within the past two months that I am just exhausted - even if I don't want to admit it to myself. I said that it feels like my "social gas tank is perpetually on empty and I can't find a gas station to fill it up at anywhere."
My therapist said this is a common feeling and that I need to really focus my time and energy right now on 1) setting and sticking to healthy boundaries and 2) dating and befriending only myself. I agree. I get the need to be around other people and have friendships but like...my sister keeps trying to invite me out to social activities with her friend group (all around my age) and I've gone to a few and I'm just like...so tired. I have enjoyed the occasions that I have had to visit with my old friends that I have known and been close to for years, but actually making new friends right now is a real struggle for me. Not even to get into the thought/prospect of dating or being intimate with somebody else right now.
Anyway, The stuff CuriousObserver shared about "praise" and men really hit me hard. Definitely applies to me. I think even receiving praise from strangers online (here) affects me in that way--and so hearing that I am doing really good makes me feel like I am farther along than I really might be. Then to hear the "darker" doses of reality kind of brings me down.
I guess...I took a lot of advice and moved forward with a lot of what people suggested I do here early on...and now that I am wrapping up the divorce process, and have moved away and started a new job and struggle every single day to stop thinking about my STBXW...I am having a hard time figuring out the best way to CONTINUE my journey forward through grief and healing.
In the middle of finding out and deciding to divorce, everything seemed so "logistically simple" and "procedural"...
1) file papers,
2) pack my stuff,
3) move out,
4) start new job,
5) find new apartment,
6) ... etc., etc.
Now, I've done all that...and I'm like...what is the next step? Therapy? Check. Still proceeding with that.
I know everyone says "no contact, no contact, no contact." I get it; I'm doing that. But what else CAN I do right now?
As CuriousObserver also pointed out, my STBXW is STILL deep in my head, no matter how much "NO CONTACT" I'm doing. In fact, last night I had a horrid dream about her where I discovered she and Mark had started posting GIFs of their sexual adventures on NSFW Subreddits...I woke up feeling sick to my stomach and haven't been able to shake those thoughts and awful feelings from my mind and body today. It's awful, it's depressing, it causes me anxiety, it makes me not want to go to sleep so I don't have to risk having similar dreams and permeating thoughts all throughout the next several days. I have found myself turning to "workaholism" as a coping mechanism which, while better than wallowing away with a bottle of alcohol, is still unhealthy and detrimental.
sigh. I am sorry for the long, rambling, venting post. Despite trying as hard as I can to put on a brave face and keep moving forward...I feel really weak, downtrodden, beaten.
If anyone has advice/encouragement they can offer me based on their own experience...I'd appreciate it. What do you do in the interim between taking all the necessary steps to commence the divorce and leave the marriage and start...moving on? I just kinda feel lost...
[This message edited by CheesecakeBaker at 6:01 PM, Thursday, September 2nd]