Newest Member: Notarunnerup

I Can Relate :
Betrayed Menz Thread - Part 34

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Tred ( member #34086) posted at 4:04 AM on Saturday, May 1st, 2021

Hey UAB! Glad you dropped in. I'm the same these days. Log in once a week to look at SPF and don't post much for the most part. I think of things, but then don't post them. Just where I am I guess, but life is good.

Married: 24 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

posts: 5787   ·   registered: Dec. 2nd, 2011
id 8655770
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veryconfused ( member #56933) posted at 4:57 AM on Sunday, May 9th, 2021

So, I have to ask, how many of you still suffer from flooding years later? It’s been 5 years since D day and I still flood several times a week. I’m not talking about infidelity stuff, watching your little girls dance recital, your boys soccer game, listening to a story about how your wife grew up.... some times it gets annoying.

Anyone else? Oh yea therapy didn’t touch it looking for emdr.

posts: 219   ·   registered: Jan. 16th, 2017   ·   location: Mid West
id 8657961
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Unhinged ( member #47977) posted at 9:30 PM on Thursday, May 20th, 2021

veryconfused, I'd almost imagine by now you've given up on checking for replies to your post. SI has been really, really slow this last year. The pandemic is prohibiting infidelity and reduces the time people have to post.

I don't "flood" very often. It's six years later. I hardly think about the infidelity and the all the shit that came after (although lately, I've been examining my own reactions for personal reasons).

I think a part of it is PTSD, something I've yet to bring up with my new therapist. Even if it's not that, healing a broken heart takes a long time.

Heading towards divorce
D-Day April, 2015

"The Universe is not short on wake-up calls. We're just quick to hit the snooze button."
-Brene Brown

posts: 6362   ·   registered: May. 21st, 2015   ·   location: Colorado
id 8661270
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steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 4:07 PM on Friday, May 21st, 2021

veryconfused, I don't know about flooding. If that's the same as overwhelmed, beaten down, what could have been, what should have been, dwelling then yes. Sometimes emotional.

That hasn't happened to the overwhelmed stage for some time now. That doesn't mean I don't think about her LTA. I still do. Mostly from a questioning aspect like who was she, what was she thinking and sometimes beating myself up for what I didn't do.

It was 4 years after DDay1 that we finally separated. I didn't start to heal until after she left. It was 2 1/2 years later the D was final. I still see her. We have 3 daughters and 10 grandchildren. I rent the land she got in the divorce from her for pasture for the cattle. There will never be a complete and total separation so she will always be in my life to some extent.

It does get better, though, veryconfused. I didn't look at your profile so I don't know your situation. I should have before I posted but didn't. The greatest cause of my anguish, pain and not healing was seeing her everyday. Things started to get better a couple months after the separation.

I also started with a new IC 4 months after the separation. I looked for an IC that specifically dealt with trauma of different sorts and was a Christian. The one I found had suffered from PTSD herself and was trained in EMDR. I don't think the EMDR worked that well on me but her other methods did.

Hang in there, brother. Look after yourself. Do what you need to do to heal you.

BH(me)70; XWW 64; M 42 yrs
DDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14
LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW
"dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, lies
Separated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020

posts: 4679   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2014   ·   location: Canada
id 8661569
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steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 12:14 PM on Saturday, May 22nd, 2021

NHL hockey. I didn't care much for the shortened season or the covid driven division structure or not having games across the whole league.

But now the Stanley Cup playoffs have started. My Oilers had a good season. BUT they are down 2 in a best of 5 against the Jets on home ice. What is this? 3 and out? Another early golf season with the 2 best players in the league?

BH(me)70; XWW 64; M 42 yrs
DDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14
LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW
"dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, lies
Separated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020

posts: 4679   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2014   ·   location: Canada
id 8661792
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Unhinged ( member #47977) posted at 11:55 PM on Sunday, May 23rd, 2021

Let's Go Blues!

Heading towards divorce
D-Day April, 2015

"The Universe is not short on wake-up calls. We're just quick to hit the snooze button."
-Brene Brown

posts: 6362   ·   registered: May. 21st, 2015   ·   location: Colorado
id 8662065
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steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 1:41 AM on Monday, May 24th, 2021

I was wrong. First round is best of 7. Phew. Oilers leading Jets after 1st period.

BH(me)70; XWW 64; M 42 yrs
DDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14
LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW
"dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, lies
Separated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020

posts: 4679   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2014   ·   location: Canada
id 8662078
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steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 1:46 PM on Monday, May 24th, 2021

Oilers blow a big lead in the third period and lose in OT. One more to go Oilers and you can go golf, too. Yeah, Blues out, Unhinged.

BH(me)70; XWW 64; M 42 yrs
DDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14
LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW
"dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, lies
Separated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020

posts: 4679   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2014   ·   location: Canada
id 8662167
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steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 1:02 PM on Tuesday, May 25th, 2021

Bye bye, Oil. Out in 4. Swept.

BH(me)70; XWW 64; M 42 yrs
DDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14
LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW
"dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, lies
Separated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020

posts: 4679   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2014   ·   location: Canada
id 8662439
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Unhinged ( member #47977) posted at 2:35 PM on Tuesday, May 25th, 2021

I'd say the Avs have a good chance at getting to finals.

Heading towards divorce
D-Day April, 2015

"The Universe is not short on wake-up calls. We're just quick to hit the snooze button."
-Brene Brown

posts: 6362   ·   registered: May. 21st, 2015   ·   location: Colorado
id 8662458
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Brew3x ( member #72052) posted at 2:58 PM on Wednesday, May 26th, 2021

Watch out for the Bruins

posts: 236   ·   registered: Nov. 10th, 2019   ·   location: MA
id 8662757
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Tred ( member #34086) posted at 4:27 AM on Saturday, May 29th, 2021

The first round has been interesting. Bruins were a no brainer over the Caps. Tampa with Kucherov was too much for Florida. Pitt was a mild surprise loss to the Ilse's, as was the Jets over Edmonton. I'll be interested in seeing how the teams play once the reseeding is done and teams face opponents they haven't seen all year.

Married: 24 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

posts: 5787   ·   registered: Dec. 2nd, 2011
id 8663660
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Unhinged ( member #47977) posted at 6:18 PM on Saturday, May 29th, 2021

Bruins Schmuins!!!

[This message edited by Unhinged at 12:20 PM, May 29th, 2021 (Saturday)]

Heading towards divorce
D-Day April, 2015

"The Universe is not short on wake-up calls. We're just quick to hit the snooze button."
-Brene Brown

posts: 6362   ·   registered: May. 21st, 2015   ·   location: Colorado
id 8663759
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steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 9:44 PM on Saturday, May 29th, 2021

It will be interesting, Tred, when they play teams they haven't played this season.

BH(me)70; XWW 64; M 42 yrs
DDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14
LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW
"dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, lies
Separated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020

posts: 4679   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2014   ·   location: Canada
id 8663785
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 6:24 PM on Monday, May 31st, 2021

I used to walk around with Bobby Orr's autograph in my wallet.

Alas, one day, while on a gig in CO, I put my wallet into the washing machine, and the ink got washed away.

I was a Bruins (pronounced 'brunes', BTW) during the late '50s and early '60s. I'm happy if they win more than one game in a week. Their playoff wins ... their many, many playoff wins ... since then have been very, very satisfying.

Take that, fans of expansion teams!

I've been interested in another sport over the past few weeks. I am not a fan of Egan Bernal. I hope he blows up in the Tour of France.

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 26138   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8664057
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Unhinged ( member #47977) posted at 3:56 AM on Tuesday, June 1st, 2021

If the Avalanche and Hurricanes meet in the finals it's going to be a disaster.

Heading towards divorce
D-Day April, 2015

"The Universe is not short on wake-up calls. We're just quick to hit the snooze button."
-Brene Brown

posts: 6362   ·   registered: May. 21st, 2015   ·   location: Colorado
id 8664116
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steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 5:27 AM on Tuesday, June 1st, 2021

Naturally, Unhinged. It'll be a wipeout either way. Horrendous.

BH(me)70; XWW 64; M 42 yrs
DDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14
LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW
"dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, lies
Separated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020

posts: 4679   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2014   ·   location: Canada
id 8664125
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Incarnate ( member #46085) posted at 9:24 PM on Friday, June 4th, 2021

Hey guys. It's been a hot minute. I just posted an update in New Beginnings. Rather than copy/pasting, I'll just drop a link to it here.

https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=653795

I hope y'all are well.

Me: BH
She: STBEW
Separated but cohabitating
DD1: 11/29/14
DD2: 8/14/19

What a wicked game we play.

posts: 767   ·   registered: Dec. 26th, 2014   ·   location: Northern California
id 8665181
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WearingTheHorns ( member #37916) posted at 12:11 PM on Tuesday, June 8th, 2021

You know, one of my "favorite" things about going through all of this, even years later is the way it pops up in unexpected ways. A few months ago WW and I decided to spend one Saturday a month just doing something together. Just anything. For May since we had a long weekend, I suggested we take the whole weekend and go somewhere. I remembered years ago we'd talked about going to Hot Springs, AR. I figured it was a great idea since at the time we both really wanted to go. When I bring it up, she says we've been there.

Me: No we haven't.

Her:Yes we have.

Me: I've never been to Hot Springs.

Her: Oh.

So after more discussion it's left up in the air. A couple of days later, and she says a co-worker (she works in a small office, all women) tells her there's a serial killer on the loose in the Hot Springs area so going there is out. Well, a quick online search shows that's just rumor. There was a recent murder in the area, but nothing to indicate a serial killer.

Upshot, we went to OK ( which spending three days in OK is a bigger deal for a Texan than most of you realize although we did have a good time), and now I'm left wondering when, and who did she go to Hot Springs with since she's so convinced she (or at least "we" as she claims to remember) has been there. It's possible she's mistaken, but you know, there's always going to be that doubt.

Dday: over a period of three days 11/14-16/2012.
EA/PA: ~ 2 1/2 years
EA/beginning PA: ~ 10 months
Hoped I'd never have to add this: Dday #2 11/22/2015 Not sure how far it went yet but have a pretty good idea.

2 Cor. 12:9-10

posts: 1029   ·   registered: Dec. 28th, 2012
id 8665802
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steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 4:56 PM on Wednesday, June 9th, 2021

Well that's crap, WTH. Are you going to press her on it? I think she knows.

BH(me)70; XWW 64; M 42 yrs
DDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14
LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW
"dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, lies
Separated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020

posts: 4679   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2014   ·   location: Canada
id 8666157
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