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Newest Member: Issyibbitt

Just Found Out :
Tactical Primer


Limbo79 ( member #63287) posted at 7:25 AM on Thursday, April 12th, 2018

Wow this is a great post. I should have read this first. However I have been great advice on here already. My w hasn’t admitted to anything yet and probably won’t but has shifted all the blame and has made numerous lies. Why lie if you Avnet done anything?

If I didn’t have children I would have finished the marriage with the first lies. Which means the marriage is finished I guess.

But life is never straight forward it seems and we all have complications in our situations. Children, parents living with us, or business’s together, money issues etc. These get used against us either by the the partner or our selves because of our caring honest nature.

I’m so glad I found this site as it’s giving me the strength and knowledge to resolve my situation.

posts: 154   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2018   ·   location: UK
id 8139324

MariaBlue ( new member #63695) posted at 2:39 AM on Sunday, May 6th, 2018

This is a great post, so very informative to the process of recovery and healing from infidelity. Thank you so much!!!

DDay of EA: April 28, 2018
DD2: 09/24/2018 WS broke NC to officially end it
DD3: 6/29/2019 WS broke NC again to hear nice words instead of my angry outbursts; he got ghosted instead.

WS: Working on becoming a safe and trustworthy partner.

posts: 49   ·   registered: May. 5th, 2018
id 8157895

DeepFeeler ( new member #63825) posted at 3:45 AM on Sunday, May 20th, 2018

The time it took to put that together was well spent and as stated there is a lot of commonality in all of our stories. I only wish I had found this site and information a couple of weeks ago, I could have prevented a few blunders and possibly made it all a little easier for us both.

Great work you are all doing here, thank you.

posts: 46   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2018   ·   location: Kansas City
id 8168584

thighswideshut ( new member #64140) posted at 10:49 PM on Friday, June 15th, 2018

I was 'fortunate' enough to find out from the wife of the man who was cheating with my wife. She sent me an email while I was at lunch with my spouse.

I almost deleted it thinking it was spam. Has anyone ever had the 'leaving the body' feeling before? I had it that day.

I think I literally flew out of my body and looked down on myself, like I had died.

I openly wept in the middle of a sunny day with a half full beer I didn't finish.

Me: Loving Husband mid 40s
My wife cheated 2 years with boss.
I forgave. Processing and healing.
Writing a blog detailing my journey. It's called "thighs wide shut."

posts: 2   ·   registered: Jun. 14th, 2018   ·   location: Virginia
id 8187534

Redskyfever ( new member #65693) posted at 6:31 PM on Friday, August 3rd, 2018

Extremely helpful in laying some boundary lines for mental health.

posts: 1   ·   registered: Aug. 3rd, 2018   ·   location: Illinois
id 8221383

totallydumb ( member #66269) posted at 1:25 AM on Monday, September 24th, 2018

Wish I would have been here several months ago to see this tactical planner, probably would have saved me a lot of pain and confusion.

If you see your ex with someone else--don't be jealous. Our parents taught us to give our old,used toys to the less fortunate.

posts: 459   ·   registered: Sep. 23rd, 2018   ·   location: Alberta, Canada
id 8252737

daitheflu ( new member #66309) posted at 2:06 PM on Friday, October 5th, 2018

This is much needed advice. Thanks so much!

BS: Me-38
WS: My Husband-37
D-Day: 08/20/18
Together for nearly 20 years and married for nearly 15 of those years.
WS broke things off with OW on 08/24/18 and we have been trying to reconcile since then.

posts: 13   ·   registered: Sep. 27th, 2018   ·   location: Florida
id 8261069

Nursemomof3 ( member #66294) posted at 1:01 PM on Friday, November 2nd, 2018

This post is so good. I love how it’s up top so on bad days I’m able to click this first and get my grounding back.

posts: 54   ·   registered: Sep. 26th, 2018
id 8277452

Summertime22 ( member #79796) posted at 11:07 PM on Wednesday, February 16th, 2022

Thank you so much for this. Really needed this today. Thank you. Xxx

posts: 266   ·   registered: Jan. 16th, 2022   ·   location: UK
id 8716649

30yearsanddestroyed ( new member #79757) posted at 2:51 PM on Saturday, March 12th, 2022

There is a lot of great info here. I still can't get behind points 5 & 6.

Make the marriage a good place to be? Um, no. That is a lie and pretending that things are fine when they are most certainly NOT fine. Maybe something like going through old pictures and reminiscing about the good parts of your marriage and family life would be good. But to fake it and act like you aren't devastated, hurt, angry, and traumatized? Fuck to the no for me on that one.

Also, the no contact, grey rock stuff, I don't see how that actually helps anything either, whether reconciling or separating. Maybe limited contact and keep it focused on certain things, but no contact doesn't seem helpful. And it's like there is a suggestion to just wait it out with no-contact to get your WS to come out of the fog and leave the AP. Again, no. One doesn't have to do the pick-me dance, but one also doesn't have to stop all communication.

Me: BW, age 51 on start of the D-Days
Him: WH, age 55 on start of the D-Days
D-Day start: Dec. 2021
Together 33 years when D-Days started

posts: 21   ·   registered: Jan. 8th, 2022   ·   location: East Asia
id 8722730

totallydumb ( member #66269) posted at 6:06 PM on Saturday, April 16th, 2022

great topic

If you see your ex with someone else--don't be jealous. Our parents taught us to give our old,used toys to the less fortunate.

posts: 459   ·   registered: Sep. 23rd, 2018   ·   location: Alberta, Canada
id 8730118

CommonLeadership48 ( new member #79928) posted at 2:36 PM on Saturday, June 18th, 2022

Please direct me the appropriate site. I have been reading posts from Just Found Out and they have been referencing posts from Walloped and MrsWalloped. How do I search for those usernames to read their posts?

posts: 18   ·   registered: Feb. 13th, 2022   ·   location: TN
id 8740820

theshockofbetrayal ( new member #80441) posted at 1:23 AM on Wednesday, July 20th, 2022

Thank you for this. Such practical advise when feeling so confused and bewildered.


posts: 11   ·   registered: Jul. 20th, 2022   ·   location: FL
id 8745482

aliciablane3 ( new member #80627) posted at 7:47 AM on Tuesday, August 23rd, 2022

No soliciting

[This message edited by SI Staff at 11:39 AM, Tuesday, August 23rd]

posts: 9   ·   registered: Aug. 23rd, 2022   ·   location: Australia
id 8751578

QuitePossible ( member #80726) posted at 7:33 PM on Friday, September 2nd, 2022

Incredible post!

posts: 52   ·   registered: Aug. 26th, 2022   ·   location: East Coast
id 8753606

Justachump ( new member #80836) posted at 9:57 PM on Sunday, September 4th, 2022

Thankyou for this post

I am very fresh..4 months post D Day and 3 weeks post everything imploding . Your post provided me with guidance on how to stay strong esp when even after everything I still miss him and want to reach out and talk to him :(

posts: 1   ·   registered: Sep. 4th, 2022   ·   location: Australia
id 8753878

Ihatejohn ( new member #83160) posted at 7:31 AM on Saturday, April 1st, 2023

Thank you for this article. I'm a newbie and this helped

posts: 1   ·   registered: Apr. 1st, 2023   ·   location: Jamaica
id 8785265

Devon99uk ( member #82658) posted at 3:41 PM on Wednesday, May 24th, 2023

Really great post 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌

posts: 72   ·   registered: Jan. 2nd, 2023   ·   location: South of England, UK
id 8792325

Sisyphus68 ( new member #66462) posted at 5:54 PM on Wednesday, June 14th, 2023

A phenomenal primer for any who has experienced the shattering pain of an affair. I wish I had had this information when I first learned of my WS betrayals. Putting the focus on you, establishing healthy boundaries, and knowing that you are not responsible for (nor can you control) a WS decisions and actions is so helpful. The practical tips laid out here are a good foundation. Good luck to all BS who are coming here. This is the best place for support, ideas, and community.

posts: 4   ·   registered: Oct. 10th, 2018   ·   location: Chicago, IL
id 8795219

wolfhowl ( new member #83736) posted at 2:30 PM on Wednesday, August 16th, 2023

Above all else, make sure that you keep faith in yourself and take care of you. That faith will nurture the natural honesty, compassion, and courage within you to carry you through. Stay true to the standards, morals, ethics, and beliefs that you hold yourself to. And know that you're gonna be okay.

very supportive words ... to stick to them always at the difficult moment ... hours ... days ...

You fall, you rise, you make mistakes, you live, you learn.

posts: 15   ·   registered: Aug. 16th, 2023   ·   location: Switzerland
id 8804571
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