SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Where are the Mods? This troll stinks.

I think I understand him well enough to know what I'd need to do to keep his eyes on me.

This a ridiculous statement. You deliberately targeted another woman's husband. He's a cheater and so are you.

believe me when I say I understand the pain infidelity causes

Obviously, from all of your posts today, you do not "understand" that pain one fucking bit.

And in case that first part is in question:

I don't feel like I stepped on anyone

Are you fucking kidding here?

Look, you are an adulterer. Period. End of sentence. Get some IC for your entitlement, competitive nature, and shameless pursuit of a MARRIED man... remember, kind of like what some other woman did to you with your last husband? That is now you.

The fact that everything you know about his BW are only from him says it all. You have NO effing clue what the situation was with his ex, so to then say that YOU were somehow not the catalyst for the demise of his M? Talk about having one's head firmly planted up one's backside.... or wanting to believe a bunch of bologna just bc it helps you justify fucking another person's husband....

I think the folks at SI would be happy to provide whatever help and guidance they can muster, IF you were to accept the FACT that you are an adulterer, that having an A is indicative of some serious broken shit (maybe your own special way of "getting back" at your last WH's AP bc that last chapter in your life is still unhealed? ), and showed the slightest bit of interest in becoming a woman of integrity and morals. Otherwise, why ARE you here? If you've lurked here for years you would surely recognize that the concept of your seeking "advice" is triggery as fuck (oh yeah, but you "understand" that pain )

In any event, coming here to get support from folks working their asses off to get OUT of infidelity shows a pretty doggone high lack of "understanding" or empathy or even plain old common sense.

I agree with the others that the once the child learns the real story of your adulterous relationship it is unlikely she will see you as the "nice person" you seem to think you are - despite a shit ton of action to the contrary.

Expect nothing from this relationship. He needs time to learn to be single again. It would be extremely damaging to his child to meet a replacement mom right now. Don't even think about it. You wouldn't represent a happy marriage to that girl. She also needs time to get used to her new life, which is hard enough without a new woman trying to show her what a proper relationship looks like. Even if you could do it, the timing is really, really bad. He's not your soulmate. He's just a guy who cheated on his wife with you and probably doesn't want to be alone. Is that really enough for you?

[This message edited by Questioningall at 7:56 PM, February 14th (Friday)]

Reading this, all I could imagine was my wayward partner's whore writing this and feeling this way about the disaster she participated in :(

Read the first sentence. Troll. I’m not reading this bullshit.

Buzzy, is that you ? Do you really have no life?

Yeah...I am rereading the beginning and now thinking i got suckered too. Who walks up to a coworker like that to do a social experiment? Too weird.

[This message edited by Justsomelady at 8:27 PM, February 14th (Friday)]

I knew this was going to get people angry.

I completely forgot it was Valentine's Day

I'm not a troll - I promise. And I wasn't lying when I said I forgot it was Valentine's Day.

Ummm, I know of no one who "forgets" it's Valentines Day.

I’m guessing the opinions are correct.

ETA V Day sucks for a lot. Strength and hope to everyone, BS and WS trying to make it through.

[This message edited by JBWD at 8:56 PM, February 14th (Friday)]

You are out tonight, celebrating his divorce. Celebrating the end of a marriage. Celebrating the destruction of a family. Celebrating your role in the destruction of that family. On Valentine's Day.

Meanwhile, his exwife is probably at home, with their children. While he is out with his still secret girlfriend.

I don't understand how you can be celebrating, and still say that you understand the pain of infidelity. This man is no longer going to be a full-time father. This man, is not going to be there for his child, in the way that he would have been, had the marriage been able to last. I suppose, that he is also going to completely walk away from his stepchildren. I'm sure you're happy about that, less baggage. You act as if you have won a prize. This man is no prize. He's actually pretty disgusting. It's a shame, on you, that you are celebrating, the end of a family.

[This message edited by HellFire at 11:03 PM, February 14th (Friday)]

C'mon now everyone, I would argue that OP and "Evan" are just perfect for each other! They are a perfect match in every way - morality, values, integrity, honesty - you know because neither of them has any to speak of AT ALL.

OP, I 100% think you are a troll. I think this is some fictional bullshit from a really fucked up human that just wants to watch the world burn. But in the off chance that it isn't, please seek professional help like yesterday. If this is actually real, IMHO you need to do some serious in-depth examination of your abysmally crappy life decisions.

Ok lets all calm down. I know no one here likes me either so I am goingg to chime in. sef85843 has come here to seek some direction. I don't think she is a troll. She has made bad choices but isn't that why we are all are here. She is past the OW phase. She is excited that life has turned the way it has. How about not trying to poke holes in her logic. She is looking forward to her life for the next few months. She is very brave to come here with her story. I don't see her being purposely malicious.

sef85843. I see you have been thru alot. If we take what you say at face value you made bad choices. Tried to do the right thing and fate has fallen in your lap. Just remember as many here has said if the daughter finds you were the other woman for awhile she will hate you. Tread lightly.

Your lover has confessed his love to you but he is a proven cheater.

On that line you are a proven cheater too so what about yourself now....needs to chg so you can be the best S.O. from now on.

Non of us likes being here so try to understand how triggering your post is on Valentine's day. Good luck and I hope you didn't leave

Oh one more thing maybe the mods need to place a stop sign plz.

sef85843 has come here to seek some direction.

Except that the purpose of this particular forum is:

A forum for all Former WS's who have ended or trying to end their affairs and are striving to reconcile.

And even if you were to argue that Wayward wasn't her original posting location, NONE of SI's other forums cater to OW's who are struggling to make their post-adultery relationship work. It's no wonder that people are skeptical about this poster's actual motives. Who, after all, is coming to this place of healing from infidelity to approve of someone's illicit affair?

If the OP is looking to correct the behaviors which led her into an affair, develop appropriate boundaries, reject her previous transgressions, and move on with her life... that does NOT include entering into further relationship with her AP. One doesn't rob the bank, keep the money, and then rationally expect others to believe in their claims of remorse.

If you look at this person’s posting history I’d go with troll.

If he/she is not a troll then this is still the wrong place for them as this is a place for seeking support to get OUT of infidelity, which they clearly are not looking for.

If, by a long shot, this person is real with a real situation going on then they’re just so blinded. If they’ve been here for a number of years they know damn well how these situations end up and how likely ‘Evan’ is to cheat again. And don’t even get me started on him marrying a woman with three children and carrying a forth and then deciding he didn’t fancy that anymore ! Poor kids, it’s awful that this jerk was brought into their world! Typical that he’s already blowing hot and cold, twu luv/kismet/soulmatism argh!!!

[This message edited by Dragonfly123 at 4:47 AM, February 15th (Saturday)]

There is so much entitlement in the original post, and a complete denial of any accountability for the situation.

Methinks the lady doth protest too much...

Nothing to work with here, but thanks for the entertainment.

[This message edited by worldofpotential at 7:22 AM, February 15th (Saturday)]

I'm not a troll...and nothing I've said hasn't been the truth.

Yes I started as the OW almost 3 years ago. I came to my senses and ended it vowing never to do that again. He knew that and only reached out to me when they decided to get divorced.

Both Evan and his ex have dated since separating. The only difference is I'm the only person he's been with. From her social media posts he's shown me she's been dating multiple men and you know what? Good for her. Both of them deserve to be with someone they actually want to be with versus stuck with someone they don't.

I have no desire to meet his daughter or his family right now. I just hope I get the opportunity after some time has passed. I'm thinking maybe six or eight months from now. His daughter doesn't have to be informed about our affair or how we came to be as that's not really something to discuss with children. At least that's my opinion.

Last night we celebrated his freedom for lack of a better term. We went out for drinks and then he left to go to a strip club then back to me. I might be in the minority here that I thought him going to a strip club was a perfect idea because as a legally single man it's a declaration of having the freedom to do whatever the fuck you want. Strip clubs don't bother me.

Only time will tell what happens between us. You all are right that he cheated on his wife with me three years ago and I've been a secret in the wings. Now that he's officially unattached my hope is that he doesn't feel the need to keep me a secret anymore. One thing I can promise you is that I will never be an OW again. I learned my lesson and regret my decisions immensely.

And how we met is 100% true. I didn't know he was married when I walked up to his desk that day. All I knew was I hated his team and hated his candidate and walking by his desk every day would piss me off because it was emblazoned with regalia of both. It just got to the point that I had to say something to him about it and thought it would interesting to see if we could ever be friends. Maybe I'm strange like that and for the first eight months we did nothing but argue and fight. It took hating the color pink to finally find something we could agree on and from there things improved.

We still argue all the time and debate the merits of tons of things. Nothing is off limits. But that's something I appreciate about us because finding someone you can talk to about things most don't know or care about is rare...it is for me.

Thank you all for the time you spent talking to me. And I'm very sorry about hurting anyone because that wasn't my intent.

I'm not a troll...and nothing I've said hasn't been the truth.

Yes I started as the OW almost 3 years ago. I came to my senses and ended it vowing never to do that again. He knew that and only reached out to me when they decided to get divorced.

Both Evan and his ex have dated since separating. The only difference is I'm the only person he's been with. From her social media posts he's shown me she's been dating multiple men and you know what? Good for her. Both of them deserve to be with someone they actually want to be with versus stuck with someone they don't.

I have no desire to meet his daughter or his family right now. I just hope I get the opportunity after some time has passed. I'm thinking maybe six or eight months from now. His daughter doesn't have to be informed about our affair or how we came to be as that's not really something to discuss with children. At least that's my opinion.

Last night we celebrated his freedom for lack of a better term. We went out for drinks and then he left to go to a strip club then back to me. I might be in the minority here that I thought him going to a strip club was a perfect idea because as a legally single man it's a declaration of having the freedom to do whatever the fuck you want. Strip clubs don't bother me.

Only time will tell what happens between us. You all are right that he cheated on his wife with me three years ago and I've been a secret in the wings. Now that he's officially unattached my hope is that he doesn't feel the need to keep me a secret anymore. One thing I can promise you is that I will never be an OW again. I learned my lesson and regret my decisions immensely.

And how we met is 100% true. I didn't know he was married when I walked up to his desk that day. All I knew was I hated his team and hated his candidate and walking by his desk every day would piss me off because it was emblazoned with regalia of both. It just got to the point that I had to say something to him about it and thought it would interesting to see if we could ever be friends. Maybe I'm strange like that and for the first eight months we did nothing but argue and fight. It took hating the color pink to finally find something we could agree on and from there things improved.

We still argue all the time and debate the merits of tons of things. Nothing is off limits. But that's something I appreciate about us because finding someone you can talk to about things most don't know or care about is rare...it is for me.

Thank you all for the time you spent talking to me. And I'm very sorry about hurting anyone because that wasn't my intent.

Boy, it’s threads like this that convince me that not posting is a wise choice.

You folks calling sef a troll, you know it’s against the rules to do that right? But so what, it doesn’t matter right? You’re indignation because she’s doing something wrong gives you the right? In actuality, it part of the credo here “If you find a thread too triggering, step away”. Alert a mod if you suspect the OP to be a fraud. AS POSTERS, ITS NOT YOUR DAMN JOB! The mods here do a great job ferreting out the trolls so leave it to them.

A relationship born out of an A has a foundation built on sand. Maybe the OP secretly know that or maybe not. I suspect she does which is why she is here. Whatever the case, she is here now and technically no longer involved in an A. Is her thinking off? I think so. But screaming at her, calling her a troll etc isn’t going to force her to have some kind of epiphany. TALKING to her might. So instead of grabbing your torches and pitchforks, offer some help or step away.