So, as I said, mediation mostly went well. I'm not complaining about the compromises. We both have right of first refusal - which means that if one of us gets a babysitter (because we are going out for over four hours) the parent without the kid basically gets the right to say they'd babysit. That hurts her more than it does me, in all actuality. That said, I think she was considering this because over the Summer she thought that my mother would be watching the kids - she'll be helping, but my boss has cleared my 'weeks' for me to work from home. That said, she often goes to concerts, so I should get the right to see the kids then - which I will take because I love my kids more than anything in this world.
I do have to pay some child support - I make more than her. It's a little over $100 a month. Couple that with paying my share of the children's medical insurance (and my own since I'm on her plan until next year) and I'm paying her something like $330 a month. It'll be 230 next year. Not a problem.
She's refinancing the house - she did confirm that she took the 401k from her mother (and possibly from a prior company) and cashed them out to pay off her student loans. Good for her. That's much more responsible than spending it on a Jeep which was her plan for the money a month ago.
The mediator should have the documents all put together in the next few weeks. Then we look them over, edit, and sign them. Then I move out. Then I will buy a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue and have my first drink of the year. I started this marriage, in 2003, with two shots of JW Blue and I will end it roughly the same way (granted, it will technically end when I file the legal documents after January 1st 2021, but I'm not quibbling).
I was talking with BR and a few others, it's not just since D Day that this marriage went shitty. It's been shitty because she withdrew affection, neglected me, disrespected me, and treated me like shit for the last few years. I probably mentioned this but last Summer I was ready to move out. We were basically roommates and I was trying to get things started. I had been trying. She was saying that it wasn't enough, that maybe the marriage was over, that I had changed, etc.
Yeah, you know what, fuck that shit - she was fucking cheating on me because she's a shit person, with shit principles, and shit morals. This wasn't on me. I'm not perfect, but I tried. She did not - she escaped her pain and her mid life crisis for attention from a shit bag. Good for her because if this is the 'new her' then I want nothing to do with it. Yeah, it's painful, but change is painful. Things will be better for me in the end. As for her, if this is how she deals with difficult times then I certainly don't want to fucking be with someone who flings pain out to the people that care.
On a side note we were talking about how to split up the holidays. On the major ones the parent without the kids will get them for four hours. We started to talk about New Year's Eve - actually it was my wife and the mediator, talking about the difficulty of it. I told her she could have NYE, I'll just pick the kids up on NYD in the morning and go from there.
Because really, I'm not celebrating NYE this year. I might feel different then, but I'm guessing it won't be one of my favorite holidays for a while.
Westway
Stay the course friend. You're going to make it. Kick, scream and cry if you need to. Just don't let anyone see you.
Oddly enough one of the things she has said to me in the past is that I don't seem to care. That I'm happy about all this. Which is fucking wrong - I'm not happy about all this, but I will be happy after I get through this. It just feels like a low effort blame shift to me.
DoinBettr
Nice job getting out of this so cheap!!
Well, considering I'm walking away from the townhouse it's probably not what some would consider 'cheap'. I just don't want to wait around for it to sell on the market, I certainly don't want to live there anymore - MOST of the time I've been there she's been cheating on me (roughly). It's just a bad memory trap. Plus, the kids get to keep going to their schools while I figure out my situation. I figure I get out of debt, save up some money, and then get something out in Ashburn. So if she loses the house, then the kids can still go to their school and live with me. I'm not sure what I'll get - i have time - maybe an apartment, condo, townhouse, I don't know.