Stevesn
I hope you told her that you would never go to counseling with someone who hasn’t worked to fix herself, someone who loves her AP more than the man she vowed to love honor cherish and protect and someone who still pines away for a piece of crap man.
I've told her variations of that. The next time she brings it up I'm going to ask her for a polygraph - as evidence of some of the shit she claims, such as: That she hasn't talked to him since Feb 13th. That she hasn't fucked him after New Years. That she never fucked him in our house. Maybe some other things. It depends. When she brings it up I typically say something to the effect that there's no way that I'm going to spend any more effort on someone who has broken so many promises, spit on all my efforts, and has not lifted a damned finger to do anything that I need her to do.
Sorry - all of that came off as more aggressive than I intended. She's just brought MC up so often it's just a trigger for me to realize that she wants to do MC as opposed to doing any actual fucking work. I generally just say 'we tried that, you lied to me, end of story'. It's almost automatic.
Tell her your only option is to get away from a cheater like that and work to heal yourself because a woman still having an affair is never going to be able to rebuild what she destroyed.
Here's the thing; she says this shit. She said recently that she realized he was manipulative, that he was a piece of shit, and that she was done with him. She says that. She doesn't provide any evidence of it nor does she do any actions that either show me it's true or show me that she actually values me.
So putting him aside, it's still all about her. Her needs, her feeling protected, her secrets, her, her, her. So yeah, let's say it was all true. Fine. What then? I still have a selfish wife who doesn't value me at all and who only saw him as a piece of shit for reasons I'll never know (I would assume that he got sick of her, for example, not vice versa). It still does me and the marriage no good what so ever.
That's believing what she says, which I don't. It's just setting me up for D Day part three, Sharknado. Why continue to sign on for that? Maybe I'll never trust a future partner as I once did my wife, maybe that's okay, but I will certainly trust them more than I ever foresee trusting my wife again.
Keep doing the right things LO and you’ll find happiness again. She’s losing the best things that were ever in her life and for what, a loser who will never be who you were to her in life.
Take care.
Thanks man. You have been very helpful. Sorry if I'm coming off more hostile the necessary. I just feel like I'm trying to teach a child how to care about other people when I talk to her. An ornery child with behavior problems who shits all over the walls and then paints with it. A child that isn't mine that I can call the parents of and tell them that I am no longer interested in babysitting the child.
On the bright side, she has a doctor's appointment today for her suicidal thoughts. She also said, last night, after crying and saying she had ruined her life, her dreams, and that she was so sorry for hurting me, that she was able to live through her mother's death, so she should be able to live through this. She also said that I deserved someone better, that she'd never be able to forgive herself, and a lot of other things.
I tend to no longer believe her words, but I'm hoping she's telling the truth about believing that she'll be able to get over the dissolution of the marriage, as opposed to suicide. If she killed herself that would be a tremendous burden that she would, selfishly, be thrusting on the kids. Fucking monumentally unfair.
So she's going to counseling, going to the doctors, reading some books, and she's calling the EAP number when things get too dark for her. That's good.